Monsters
by lunoire22
Summary: A Big Bang fanfiction. Joan is an American scientist working in Korea on a secret military project which involves a drug with "super" effects and five test subjects. However, one day, an official demonstration goes wrong and she ends up helping them escape! Follow her journal as she reports her everyday struggle with these five monsters. Or are they? SF - Romance T.O.P/OC. Enjoy !
1. Sunday April 5th 2015

Hi journal, my name is Joan!

That's probably the most unoriginal way to start a journal -_- But since I'm lazy, I won't erase it so here we go ^^

Today was my first day in Korea! Needless to say, I was pretty excited when I thought I would see Joseph again! My heart was throbbing strongly in the plane when they announced its landing and it pounded like crazy when I recognized him among the hundreds of unknown faces in the crowd and I was finally able to jump in his arms! I was so glad to see him again, grinning with all my might and hugging him so tight, I almost left my suitcase behind! Yet I was a little ashamed of myself afterwards, thinking it was pretty childish (typical of me!) which he probably thought too even though it made him smile that warm, comforting smile I love so much :D However, that was not the proper behavior of a 27-year-old scientist who decided to move to the other side of the globe to assist her professor/boyfriend in his works for the government. In the movies, girls like me definitely don't belong to that kind of screenplay. My friends always said I would rather belong more to a comedy or maybe romantic comedies. You know? The loud, crazy BFF with a heart of gold? That's me! (well, about the heart of gold, anyway. Don't listen to them I AM NOT LOUD !) Yet here I am! I'm glad to be by Joseph's side again, especially since it's all I have right now.

True, there is still my mum but I haven't seen her or talked to her since she moved to Seoul with her Korean boyfriend (like the song says: it's a small world aaafter aaall…) and I started dating Joseph. How can I describe our relationship? Let's just say we don't like each other's partner very much. To sum up, I think hers is a spineless idiot and she thinks mine is an old creep just because I'm half his age and we started dating when he was still my teacher in Harvard. Only one of us is right. Guess who?

Joseph and I had dinner ***** and made love as soon as we arrived at his house so I had to wait for him to fall asleep to take out my computer and give into my good old no-lifeness (what do you mean it's not a word? It's definitely mine in MY vocabulary!) once more to start this diary (when I have enough material, I'll consider posting it on a blog). It's late in the evening, I'm tired but I can't sleep because of that stupid time lag. The clock says it's 2 am. So it must be noon in Washington… I'm tempted to use Skype but I know that if I start, people will call me every night and Jo will be mad at me for staying so late at night T_T

 ** _*_** _with soju! I guess it's like sake here, except it tastes more like benzene_ _L_ _Seriously, how can Joseph drink that stuff without getting sick?! What have they done to my Jo-Jo D: ?!_

Korea looks so weird! The buildings in Seoul are all super high and look incredibly modern. But outside of the capital, none of them is the same height. They all look piled up like cubes and the streets are all curvy, unlike in Washington where everything is straight and square. As I looked around me at the airport and on the road, it felt so strange to see so many giant flashy signs and not be able to read any single one of them O_O Plus people kept looking at me weirdly, which was even more obvious when we arrived in town. What, have they never seen non-Asians before? Korean spring looks prettier than in the US though, with all the cherry-trees blooming everywhere. Feels like I walked into an anime. The people are also incredibly pretty :3 Especially young people with their fair skin and thin legs (no, I'm not jealous SHUP UP )Can't wait to start working and meet our fellow American colleagues. Jo didn't tell me anything about the project. No matter how hard I tried to tickle him, kiss him, torture him, he just kept saying "You'll see tomorrow" like a broken record. I guess I have no choice, it will be a surprise! Can't wait to see! J

Great, I'm supposed to go back to bed now. But I got myself so excited talking about it there's no way I'm going back to sleep. I WANT TO KNOW!

Oh well, I'll call it a day (and a night) anyway XOXOXO,

Joan 3


	2. Monday April 6th 2015

My first day at work.

I guess Jo wasn't kidding when he said I would be surprised. Apparently, the reason why he kept it all a secret before I went to Korea was that he was afraid I would tell anybody. "Not that I don't trust you, but we never know." Of course it was upsetting to hear him say that after dating him for more than 2 years, but it was understandable (plus it made me more curious than ever). First of all, I was certain that whatever it was, it would definitely involve the military since I knew they were the first to finance his research, so of course, when we headed to his/our workplace, I was not surprised to see it was a military base called Camp Humphreys with guards everywhere and soldiers training in the inner court. The one thing that surprised me though, when we went inside one of the three U-shaped buildings* was that we had to go through dozens of halls and turn as many corners with doors locked with codes. Every time we would meet Korean scientists on the way, Joseph would barely say a word to them. I thought it was rude of him at first but now I know why. Yet at the moment I thought: what kind of project was it that has to be protected by such tight security?

 _*the one dedicated to biology, I'll just call it the "Science" building ^3^_

We finally took a huge elevator down one of the halls. The ride was so long I imagined it was taking us to the center of the earth. Needless to say, being the biggest American military base of Pyeontaek and one of the biggest of South Korea, Camp Humphreys is a vast installation. Like, vaster than vast. But when the elevator opened its doors on the minus X floor with a quiet beeping sound, I could not believe my eyes. From what I could see from the small iron bridge we were standing on, it was like there was a whole other building under the building O_O And the whole floor was filled with Caucasian guys in white coats only. I know it's what I expected but it was still a shock! I also saw a few black guys and girls but they were maybe 2 or 3. I can't wait to befriend them and joke with them about how to survive in a wasp scientist environment XP

When we walked next to them, each of them stopped whatever they were doing and greeted Joseph, calling him "boss". Deep inside, I couldn't help but think it was still weird to hear him being called that. Yet I thought it was rather cool. Can you imagine? I'm "the boss' " girlfriend ^^ How cool is that? He introduced me to some of his colleagues as his assistant -which I was- but the title didn't sound so awesome :-/

Then came the most amazing part. After he showed me some of the rooms and equipment I would work with from now on, we dressed in rubber coated aprons and put on gloves and goggles before we went to the main research lab –well, our research lab now-. There he headed towards one of the steel refrigerators, opened it and extended a hand towards the chemicals inside. He then grinned as he took out a small, thick glass bottle filled with a black, syrupy liquid, carrying it as gently as a mother with her newborn baby. When I asked him what it was, a strange light suddenly filled his eyes and from his warm smile came a cold, solemn voice as he stared at it:

"This," he said, "is Superman's blood in a bottle."

He kept looking at it as if it could respond to what he had just said. For some reason, the atmosphere was a little less comfortable around him now. When he looked back at me, his face went back to normal.

"I tried to look for the perfect formula for decades. This is the closest I got."

He then explained to me how he came to it through theories and equations he and I are probably the only ones to understand and would be too tedious to report since I can already access to it in my professional file (I copied it from Jo's computer just in case since I know my knowledge in computers saved us more than once in the past ^^).

Basically, back to twenty-five years ago, his award for his discoveries on the evolution of the human nervous system encouraged him to go on with his works on chemical stimulants of all kinds: intellectual, physical, sensual… His dream was that, with a single drop, instead of needles and pills, any ordinary guy would turn into a meta-human at will. Needless to say, when his works finally started to show positive results about fifteen years ago, back when he was still living in the US, the army soon courted him, saying they were "very interested" in his quest for a better future of human evolution. That's when they sent him to Korea for the first time so he could access to the highest technology of Camp Humphrey without the fear of being spied on as he would have been in America. However, when they saw that the budget was more and more expansive and the progress not quick enough for their taste, they cut his funds and brought him back home.

That's when he kept working on his own and started teaching in Harvard. As the youngest, nerdiest of my class, I remember that moody, super-smart teacher I was so fond of but everybody hated. I always loved people who would stand out. I guess I kind of thought myself of a rebel that way. I was always looking forwards to his courses and see that sophisticated man that always looked like he thought all of his students and colleagues were morons and he shouldn't belong there. Yet I remember I was the exception, either because I was the only one who had the answer to most of his questions or because I would just smile at him anytime he would look at me. Behind the arrogance, I could feel that he and I were close in our loneliness. So, as time went by, we started to talk outside of class, then we would hang out together, then we would go to each other's home, then go to dinner, yadi yadi yada… and now he lets me call him Jo-Jo all I want :D

I also remember that time, about a year ago, when he was called back to Korea: as he kept working at distance with his team, his long-term calculations had proven to be right and now the government wanted him to get back to work. I remember he was as excited as a kid on Christmas. I had never seen him so happy! I cried all the tears I had when he left, even though we kept contact afterwards. Then one day, he called me, did not say "Hi" or "Hello" and directly asked me if I trusted him and if he could trust me. Of course, I said yes. Then he paused and said: "Call all your friends and say goodbye. I'm buying you a ticket to Korea. You'll be leaving the day after tomorrow to work with me from now on." It took me barely 24 hours to decide and pack my things. That's how much I needed him in my life.

About the "meta-human changed by a liquid" part of his tirade, when I asked him jokingly if he had been inspired by the Ninja Turtles, he didn't even pretend to laugh. He was so serious I thought I upset him for a second. Speaking of turtles, of course, some dozens of rats, frogs and monkeys might have paid the price in the process, he said. I know I should feel sorry for them –and I do! I would never do that on my own D: – but Joseph taught me well that affection and Science have proven times and times again to be terrible bedfellows. Or at least, that's what I expected him to say. But when I mentioned his own words, he stood silent, as if my words made him hesitate to go on. Suddenly, he took my hand and told me to follow him. What, did he test his stuff on tigers and gorillas too? Or… wait… did he test it on kittens?! NOOOOOOOOOOOO Please Jo-Jo, leave the kitties alone D:

We walked through another hallway and stopped in front of a door which was far away from the lab and the offices. As we stood there, Joseph looked me in the eyes and asked me in a very serious tone if I trusted him. When I said yes, he asked if I trusted him. Of course, once again, I said yes. Then he smiled at me and opened the door.

The room we entered was square and smaller than the others. A guard was sitting on a chair, staring distractedly at the screens in front of him that occupied half of the walls. Joseph told me to take a closer look as he pointed at six of them. When I looked up at them, I stood there in awe: six boys were sleeping in what seemed like six white cells. The said cells didn't seem to have much furniture: a mattress, a toilet seat, a table, and that's it. They were all lying on their mattress with their eyes closed. As they were filmed from upwards, I could see their backs lift lightly on a regular pace. They looked peaceful. When I asked him their age, Joseph said they were all around barely five years younger than me. I was shocked. They all looked like they were much younger, like 16! But well, Koreans often look younger than their age, especially compared to us Americans (again, noooooot jealous). Suddenly, the guard pressed a button and a loud buzzing sound came from behind the wall in front of us and made me jump.

"You came just in time for their training session." the guard said, smiling.

On the little screens, the six of them woke up, stretched their arms and legs and got up. As they stepped away from the cameras and stood in front of the electric glass doors, they let it slowly slide open. When the guard pressed a button on his keyboard, I realized the steel wall in front of us was curtain that covered a giant window as it also lifted with a rattling noise. Behind the window, I saw some kind of maze except it was divided by walls in multiple zones: it had climbing areas, electrified hurdles, a room full of mannequins –which I assumed was a combat zone- plus large, empty spaces where the walls were holed as well as a second level with more open zones.

When the boys entered the arena through the gates on the left of the area, the place, which was in semi-darkness, became fully lit so fast and so powerfully it made me blink. When Jo asked jokingly if I wanted him to bring me goggles, I just pouted. My poor little eyes )X ! However, as the six of them were all standing in line, I noticed that they were all dressed in black and white uniforms that were adapted to the shape of their silhouettes, which were all more or less muscular. I was also surprised to see they had straps and buckles on the front and the back *****

A second buzzing sound resonated and they all ran in several directions through the main entrance in front of them.

There, as my gaze tried to follow them all, I couldn't help but go from one to the other with my eyes wide open, as I looked at them running, climbing, punching, kicking… almost at the same time!

When the black-haired bare-chested one entered the mannequins' zone, I thought he would use a weapon or show some ordinary combat moves and maybe break a mannequin's arm or even a head here and there. However, he lunged at one of them and punched it so hard he smashed it to smithereens O_O ! The impact was so loud I squeezed my eyes shut as it was then followed by another bang, then another one, coming faster and faster. When I finally opened them again, there was nothing left but plaster dust all over the place as he went to the next zone, barely sweating, puffing like an angry bull.

Most of them jumped the electric hurdles (220 volts, according to the guard's comments) like it was nothing. The last one –he seemed to be the youngest of the group- hit the last, highest hurdle with his leg, fell down and screamed. I was horrified to see through the torn cloth that his leg was badly burnt. At this point, it was fried! However, the boy with messy white-blond hair who was running in front of him stopped in his tracks, turned around and came back to him, then put both of his hands on the wound. The youngest clenched his teeth for a second then stood up and started running again with the blonde who smiled brightly at him. When I tried to ask Joseph about it, he just told me to look at his leg, which I did… It was cured :O ! The skin was clean and the leg good as new! He even used it to kick a steel projectile that had been launched at the blonde's face as he kept running.

"Did the blonde do that?" I asked, which he confirmed. "You just created superheroes!" I went on, now unable to stop watching.

"And that's not the end." he said with a smile in his voice.

The fourth one with red hair never stopped running once. He was so fast – I SWEAR I'm not lying- I could barely see him move. One moment, he was in one zone, the next second he was at the other side of the arena, dashing and zigzagging like a Duracell rabbit :X . When he arrived in the empty zone with holed walls, I froze as a wall sprung out of the ground to stop him and machine guns came out of the holes. As he was trapped and ended up underneath them, they fired at him from all directions with loud explosions and flashes. Yet he didn't stop and kept running and jumping left and right and up and down until he left the ground and ended up running on the walls. Yes, he was RUNNING on the WALLS ! He only did it for less than a second though. However, when he landed back on the floor, as he kept dodging the bullets and tried again, in the blink of an eye, I saw him on the other side of the wall, dusting himself off with a smirk on his face. Before I could even ask, as he had registered it all, the guard smiled and replayed the few seconds in slow-motion on an auxiliary monitor. There I could see clearly what happened: the boy had used the machine guns as standing platforms before he jumped across the wall. I assumed that guy was one of the smartest of the team, to which Jo-Jo nodded.

The fifth one was probably the tallest. He had a serious expression on his face as he walked leisurely to his next zone which looked like a small road. There, two armored vehicles roared and charged at him as the two soldiers on top of the vehicles pointed their guns at him. For several seconds, their target didn't move an inch, standing perfectly still with his eyes closed, as he let them approach closer and closer. Although I tried not to freak out, I couldn't help but bring my hands closer and closer to my eyes as the boy still wouldn't move. Suddenly, he snapped his eyes open and turned his head lightly towards both vehicles. The next second, the first car crashed against the wall behind him and the boy rolled on the side to avoid the second car who lost control and crashed against the first one. The four soldiers –both drivers and shooters- hurriedly came out of the vehicles, and, although unhurt, staggered and collapsed on the floor, unconscious. The boy barely reacted to any of the noise as he kept walking, calm as ever.

"We especially keep an eye on this one," Jo told me in a dark tone. "he's probably the most dangerous of them."

However, he then started to grin again as he looked up. As I followed his gaze, I saw the sixth one. It was a tall, slender young boy with long hair. He had just finished climbing the high platform. A long bridge connected one concrete cliff to the next. However, as he got closer to them, I saw little bombs detonate under the wooden surface of the bridge and it started collapsing closer and closer to the boy. His face was as expressionless as the fifth one. Yet it didn't even show calmness. The sixth's eyes were… absolutely blank. It was empty of any sparkle of emotion. Basically, had I not seen him standing and breathing, I would have thought he was dead. As the bombs kept exploding one by one and the last plank fell in the void, he stepped back, still focused on the other side of the cliff. Suddenly, he ran towards the empty space and jumped as far as he could. As I pressed myself against the glass wall to take a better look, I watched him float in mid-air for a microsecond, not even close to the next platform as he extended his arms towards it, and then fall like a rock head first. I gasped. Suddenly, something in his back deployed and his body started moving upwards again. They were—can I really write that in that journal and be taken seriously to anyone reading this, including myself?- The boy had… wings. Two long, thin, white wings spread widely in his back as he then flew across the arena in circles, looped around the cliff and landed on it gracefully. I was so in awe I almost shed a tear. The boy's face was still stoic and his eyes dry and cold.

Nothing was left in the "playground" of the boy-soldiers. Every plaster and metal threat had been neutralized, the guns emptied and all the passages forced open. As they all stood at the finish line, panting, I applauded and giggled. Unexpectedly, they all turned their heads in my direction and looked at me, surprised. Joseph smiled and, as he turned off the guard's microphone, he said I accidently turned it on and they heard my voice when I had pressed myself against the window. How embarrassing ! Even here, stupid Joan stays stupid Joan -_-

Joseph gave the boys their rankings of the day as the guards turned on the mike and translated in Korean. I thought Jo-Jo was harsh; poor guys only had Bs and Cs! One of them even had a D O.O!

A third buzz announced the end of the session and armored soldiers with thick black glasses came in to bring the boys back to their cells. The six quietly followed them and disappeared as staff members came in to clean the area.

 ** _*_** _Jo explained to me that the straps helped the staff control the boys more easily when they throw a fit as they can tuck their arms in. So their outfits serve both as training suits and strait jackets. Pretty scary :x I wonder how dangerous they are when they get angry !_

When we were back in his office, Joseph told me more about the boys. He was not satisfied with the results because he knew they could do better. Their statistics had proven it. They had just been slacking off lately. I wish I could be in that shape and slack off like that! He also took out his computer to show me their dossiers and told me their stories. They had all come from others cities far from this one about ten years ago. When I asked him about what the parents thought of their children's fate now, he answered they had all been picked in different orphanages from five different towns according to their aptitudes by agents from "special school programs for the gifted". The joking tone he used when he said the last words made me feel a little uncomfortable. If that was enough to make me feel ill-at-ease, I should have known I was definitely not ready to hear the rest.

Apparently, life had not always been easy in the lab. Early in the programs, sometimes a dosage was too strong or unbalanced; sometimes a test would go wrong, sometimes a kid would go berserk, trying to break free…

"To be honest with you," Joseph said, "these kids are not the first ones. At first, they were ten in total."

He said he would not tell me how they lost the four others and, to tell the truth, I did not want to hear it either. The tallest one that I saw alone against the two cars and the one with the angel wings were part of the six first. Unfortunately, they were also the ones who had to go through the "cut funds" era. Back then, their limits had been pushed so far only these two managed to survive, thanks to their luck, or perseverance, or both. The four next had received lighter dosages and, as their endurance tests had been published as increasingly more positive, the government trusted Joseph again so their life had become more manageable. However, the bad news was that, like any drug, the "Superman's blood" had side effects, including chemical dependency and brain damage: all six have lost great parts of their speech and none of them can remember any of their childhood memories or their names. Thus, they were given codenames: Taeyang, Daesung, Seungri, G-dragon, T.O.P and Beast. Thank God I have all the time in the world to remember them all o_O ! Due to the dependency, they've also been given weekly dosages ever since they were "admitted".

"If they were set free now," Jo said, "at best, they would be totally helpless, at worst they would panic and set the city on fire. Thus they are locked up as much for the safety of others as theirs."

He said our mission in the future (mine and his) was clear: find a molecule that would make its users get rid of the side effects, at least the dependency, and eventually sell the final product and/or the boys to the US army.

As he was telling me all of this in a calm, neutral tone, I kept looking at the black bottle that he had taken out of its refrigerator again. He too was staring at it as if it could give him the answer to the problem. I was a little disturbed by Joseph's words. How could he say that dependency was more serious than permanent brain damage? How did he come with the idea of kidnapping children, lock them up and use them as guinea pigs for the rest of their lives? Did his product really kill "only" four children? Did he lie to me? But again, he had worked so hard on it and the performances of "his boys" were so impressive… He was a genius, no doubt about it. But I didn't know he had done all these things. I was not expecting him to have gone so far. That's a side I never knew of him. And now I'm going to live with it from now on.

Now I'm also thinking about the expressionless boy, the smirk of the red head, the big smile of the one with the healing hands, the calm eyes of the tallest one… Could these guys really be nothing but living empty-headed dolls?

Wow! I've never written so much at once outside of my memoire, maybe! Ok, my memoire was definitely bigger than that but ow! My fingers will definitely be cramped by tomorrow!

Although, I must say, that day was probably the most particular of my life, with so much information and so many discoveries and emotions... Yet I still have mixed feelings about all this. I never thought I would have to make that kind of choice, especially since… well, there is no choice to make now. I'm a little mad at Joseph to have had me face the fait accompli. But well, like he would say, where was I ten years ago when he started all this?

Besides, it's not like I wasn't supposed to deal with that kind of situation to begin with, or that he made me say a thousand times that I trusted him and he trusted me! Even if it was my definitive answer, I don't think I would have the courage to say "no" in his face anyway. Actually, I don't even know how he would react if he found this journal.

I guess I'll just trust Joseph and go with the flow for now, just to see how it goes. After all, it's only been my first day. Besides, maybe he WAS hurt by the boys' death but he just doesn't want to show me. He is pretty reserved, not really the kind of guy who shows his emotions, not even to me, his girlfriend :-/

About the journal, I guess I'm being paranoid but I decided to not even mention it and leave it for now just in case, so he won't be mad.

Good night, I suppose,

Joan 3


	3. Sunday April 26th 2015

Hi, again! It's been a while!

I just read my last pages and I must say, I hate how it ended on such a moody note. Things are much better now :D ! I still can't say a single Korean word for the moment so all I can do for now is just stare and smile at the other Korean scientists awkwardly when I run into them (like that's not creepy at all -.-') and they either look at me even more creepily or just smile politely because they don't speak English either. But well, that's still nice of them! My American colleagues are nice too, even though they don't talk much to me yet because well, I'm still the boss' girlfriend after all T^T

Don't worry, my dear co-workers, soon you will forget all about our status and tell me all the gossips about my Jo-Jo when he's not around ^^ I won't tell him of course, I'm just curious. And that doesn't mean they won't get their own share of nice stories about him in exchange :P

I also noticed that they and Jo don't talk much to their Korean peers either, even outside of the lab, even though some of them are fluent in Korean. But from what I've heard from Jo-Jo, Koreans are not known to be particularly open-minded people. Yeah well, from the comments I heard growing up as the only black girl in a suburbia full of white rich stuck-ups and their snobby kids, I can definitely say that we Americans shouldn't consider ourselves a model of tolerance either :-/

Speaking of guys, the boys are great :D :D :D !

I know I shouldn't call them "boys" or "kids" but they act so childishly, I just can't wrap my head around the fact that they are almost my age! My age! In my head, it just goes: "DOES NOT COMPUTE – WAY TOO CUTE "

I was glad to see that they were as good in teamwork as individually J I already saw that they had unique aptitudes but I noticed they had very distinct personalities too. Actually, now that I know them all a little better, I established a quick portrait of each of them:

TAEYANG: black spiky hair on the top and shaved on the sides (he seems to like that haircut a lot because every time he thinks nobody is looking, he goes to any window to check on it ^^). He is the strongest. He was the one I saw breaking mannequins in pieces. He is usually bare-chested, especially during training sessions. Not that I complain about that… Ok, I have no shame -.-'. Watching his abs makes me want to ask Jo to please, please, please go back to the gym so his abs can look a little more like his J I know there is not much to expect of him at the age of 54 but, you know, a little hope doesn't hurt ;) To my surprise, he is also the shiest of the group and he doesn't "talk" much. By that, I mean he does not communicate or make a lot of eye-contact, especially with women. He seems intimidated by them for some reason. However, when he is in a team, he definitely knows when and where to follow others and when to SMASH STUFF! Looking at his statistics, he won all of his previous combats against the other members, except against T.O.P and G-Dragon. Aside from that, he spends most of the daytime training some more in his cell by placing his mattress against the wall vertically in order to punch it. Since this is where his first dosage of black goo was tested, the "Superman's blood" must be weekly applied on the muscles of his arms, which are the most developed of his body.

DAESUNG: Short white-blond messy hair. He was the one who took care of the boy who hurt his leg. Since the "Superman's blood" was applied on his hands when he was admitted, he can heal wounds easily. The whole team seems to prefer him to the rest of the group even though he is not as strong or as resistant as them. He is also the cutest :3 He loves physical contact and laughs a lot. In his cell, he installed his mattress as close to the doors as possible and usually tries to take a peek outside, waiting for the training session all day or just for someone to pass next to his cell and smile at him/her, to which the staff member always smiles back. His smile is irresistible. Literally. It's so irresistible that, his combat strategy in the field consists in letting the enemy approach then smiling at it. In response, the enemy, whether a soldier or another boy, immediately gives up on fighting him, even by force. He didn't lose any of his combats but since he didn't win them either, the team doesn't know if they should consider this a success or not. According to Joseph, if he were set free, Daesung would get the whole world at his feet. The problem is that he wouldn't know what to do with it :P He shows an equal affection to all the members of the group yet seems to be Taeyang's favorite along with G-Dragon ;)

G-DRAGON: red, short hair. I think he is the leader of the group. He was the superfast boy I saw climb on machineguns to avoid their bullets. Like I said earlier, he is one of the smartest of the group. He always finds things to do with the items he is given or the "playground" he's in. In his cell, he made a small ball with the rubber joints of his shoes which he bounces distractedly against the wall all day long, sitting on his mattress, looking thoughtful. As he was given crayons once, he also wrote stuff on the walls of his cells which neither me nor the team understands since it's written in Hangul. Our only clues are arrows and the boys' names in capital letters (?). Moreover, in group activities, he's always the one the group turns to and "listens" when he indicates them what to do next with his eyes, his body language or even a word or two from time to time. He is very respected by the others, even his elders, T.O.P and Beast. He and T.O.P seem to share a particular bond, although T.O.P is the the most solitary of the group. However, his most exclusive bond seems to be with Taeyang as they understand each other much faster than with the others. His statistics are very impressive and are filled with "As" most of the time. In his case, the "Superman's blood" is applied on his legs. He is also the (too) playful type which, given his gift, is way harder to manage than Daesung

BEAST: long, black hair; the bird-boy. Joseph is particularly proud of Beast. He was one of his riskiest experiences and one of the rare who successfully passed the test. Most of the previous kids didn't. He exceptionally mixed Beast's dosage with bird DNA and had Beast surgically operated in order to pour the liquid directly on his shoulder blades. Thus he is anesthetized every week because his dosage must be transferred directly in his bone marrow through a huge syringe (the first time I saw it, I almost fainted. That thing looks the side of my arm O_O). He is the quietest. Even in his cell, he just lies on his mattress, staring at the ceiling, barely blinking. He never plays or approaches the other boys except T.O.P even though they don't do much together except sitting side by side in silence for hours. The staff seems to have given up on trying to communicate with him, which doesn't seem to have affected him the least. Yet I must admit I don't know how it could have worsened at this point. Now that his wings are fully developed, he masters extremely complex flying techniques and can go very high above any combat zone. However, he only listens and obeys to Joseph's voice. His eyes are the emptiest I have ever seen. He never focuses on anything, as if he was blind.

SEUNGRI: short, black hair. He's the youngest and Joseph's last experience before he left to the US. He was the one who missed the jump and hurt his leg. Seeing how his special "gift" has still not been revealed yet, the "SB" has been applied all over his body. Although, unlike Beast, he fortunately didn't show any particular side effect, Joseph considers him a failure. He lost all of his combats so far and is the one who costs the most in terms of weekly treatment. He's also the clumsiest of the group as he keeps hurting himself and weighs the group down. Yet the others seem to have agreed to take him under their wings like some sort of big brothers (even T.O.P). Anytime scientists punish him or mistreat him, the others dig their heels in and even become aggressive sometimes, surrounding him like lionesses around one of their cubs. So as long as he is with the others, nothing bad should happen to him. As for his character, he is the most communicative of the group: he LOVES the company of the staff, especially female members, and always tries to catch their attention by making them laugh or impress them. Anytime he knows he's being watched, he always winks or repeats his stunts at the camera. He's annoying at first but then, he tends to grow on people, which I'm sure he's aware of... and then becomes annoying again ! To sum up my feelings about him, it would be faster to answer with a big question mark.

T.O.P: short, brown hair. I just noticed I mentioned him a lot in the other portraits. He's both the oldest and the tallest as well as the one who intrigues me the most. He is quite lonesome, both willingly and due to his history of multiple escape attempts. His power is to create illusions by simply staring at his interlocutors, even through electronic devices. They built a special cell for him in which the camera is hidden behind a one-way mirror so he can't tell where it is. Seeing how the SB must be applied on his eyeballs and he is always reluctant about it, it always requires at least five people to give him his weekly dosage. He is also the one who managed to keep most of his speech intact as, unlike the others, we know he can speak, from a couple words to full, complex sentences. Unfortunately, when the staff tries to ask him questions, all he does is repeating the question asked. They know he does it just to annoy them. And he knows they know. Aside from that, all he does is sit in the middle of his cell and stare at the void all day. However, unlike Beast, the look in his eyes is proud and hostile, in resistance. Joseph gave me clear directives about that one: he is very unpredictable and I must not trust him. Even when I avoid his eyes and just look at his face, knowing he can't see me, it is very hard for me to guess what's on his mind.

Anyway, I'm glad to say that I spent the coolest week of my life 8D ! Not that it was always fun, but I'm beginning to like this job more and more! It's well paid, I have Jo-Jo as my boss and his boys/soldiers are really the most fascinating test-subjects I've ever seen! That makes me want to work for all these guys more than ever J ! I can't wait to find a way to cure their symptoms and find the perfect "Superman's blood" ! I also hope we'll change the name soon; I know it's not the official name yet but we'd better find a more marketable one soon because I don't think anyone's gonna take us seriously if we go like "It's either X or a name that sounds like next summer's blockbuster -.-"

Oh, it feels so good to feel sleepy now. Plus I hear Jo calling me from the bedroom. I guess it's time to do the perfect conclusion to a perfect week-end of a perfect week 3

I also need to find a way to say "good night" in Korean just for a change ;)

Toodles!

Joan 3


	4. Monday April 27th 2015

THE PRESIDENT CALLED US! The P-R-E-S-I-D-E-N-T freaking called us! OMG! Joseph and I were holding our breaths when he put on the speakerphone so everyone could hear! I couldn't believe I was hearing his voice call Joseph's name! He said he intended to plan a visit of our lab on Tuesday next week! Although he cannot come in person, he will send us his undersecretary and other military experts. He wants to check on our works and progress! I'm not even sure he knows about the boys! When I asked Jo, he said the undersecretary knew for sure. So it won't be a surprise L But still, like Joseph said: EVERYTHING MUST BE PERFECT! We all must work harder than ever! Especially the boys! Needless to say, when Joseph told them via our interpreter that their training would be doubled, they didn't look particularly happy about it. I wish I could tell them that it will only last until their performance next week… But since Joseph wouldn't let me because it's not part of my tasks, I guess they'll just have to suck it up :-/

Joseph is not a bad boss, he just… blurs the line between boss and boyfriend sometimes. Ever since I started to work with him, he's a little colder and more demanding with me as if I were his student again. I guess it's better than the opposite and not be demanding enough. After all, it is still his lifetime work so, if I were him, I wouldn't let my feelings get in the way either.

Clearly, I would do anything for Jo. I wish he could remember that more often. Yet, at the same time, I wish he could stop thinking about his work sometimes. I wish he could more tender. I wish he could let me in…

Wow, what am I saying all of a sudden? This is not bitching and whining time! It's a happy time! Fun, party, confetti! Joseph's work will be rewarded! Finally! After all these years! Jo-Jo is a little nervous but I know I can trust him! And I trust the boys too. They will do anything not to disappoint Joseph. They know all the hopes we put in them. And if they don't, they will soon get a clue for sure ;)

So let's cross our fingers and go back to work!

Joan 3


	5. Wednesday April 29th 2015

Hey journal, guess who? 3

Just an everyday account. We are all so focused on next week's demo it's getting a little boring at work. We just keep establishing theories after theories as to what molecule could offset the secondary effects of the SB but nothing groundbreaking so far. If this goes on, we'll be done with the whole list of fundamental elements by the end of the week! Thank god the air condition works well because days are getting hotter and hotter the closer we get to summer.

Did you know that summer was the season of monsoons in Korea? There go our vacations on the beach and my new bikini T_T I just learned it on the discovery channel ***** about who knows what since I don't speak Korean (and then looked on the English Wikipedia page)!

Oh well, at least I know how to say "Hello" now. It's Youngbaseo. Wait, Hanyungaseo. No, Ayung, Han… $#%*t ! I swear I knew it a few hours ago T^T

And I can't even check the spelling because the internet won't work. Again

How come cool scientists in movies never have trouble with their livebox? HOW?! and Jo-Jo's gonna kill me if I wake him up to ask him!

 ***** _Joseph makes us watch it because he hates K-dramas. I love them! No need to understand what is said as long as there is the piano music and I can see the cute boy kiss the pretty girl in the end :3_

So yeah, good day today. A little boring but could be worse, right? Can't wait for next week!

Sweet dreams,

Joan 3


	6. Thursday April 30th 2015

Hi,

Still so busy, still working hard.

Joseph makes us arrive early at work and leave late so I'm starting to miss a few hours of sleep here and there. Nothing too bad. I guess I should still get back to work instead of writing at daytime. I was just thinking it would feel good since writing helps me organize my thoughts and makes me feel like communicating with somebody, especially since the lab team still won't talk to me more often. Come on guys, I don't bite (often :P) ! Maybe I should start a blog right now?

The boys do their best during their training, even though it's twice longer than before. I guess we're all on the same boat here, although they are probably the ones who work the hardest. Keep fighting, guys J! I envy them from having such stamina. I guess I should try to pour SB on my computer to see if it helps

Soooooo sleepy. Let's just get this over with,

Hang on, me ^^

Joan 3


	7. Saturday May 2nd 2015

Hi Hi Hi, journal!

Week-end, finally, Yay :D ! Well, we still went to work but we could leave earlier! Too bad Joseph decided to stay at the lab and leave me on my own L.

My first idea? GO SHOPPING! My first shopping in Korea :D Since Joseph knew it and he knew how it usually goes, with me prancing around from store to store and him carrying all the bags (what can I say, I love to buy in large :3), he left me a few thousand wons and taught me a couple sentences like "how much?" "good day!" and stuff. In the bus, ignoring all the awkward stares (is it so weird to be black in Korea? this is starting to be a habit, I'm starting to feel like either an alien or a beast. One of them even took a photo of me when I left the bus! Wtf?!), it felt so good to go to another place than the lab, a place that is ABOVE the ground and where I can smell anything but oil and medicine! Besides, although I was a little upset, it felt good to be away from the team, just for a while. I felt like I could breathe again though I wish I could share that oxygen with Jo-Jo :-/

Only once I arrived at the place did I realize I had no idea what to buy :S. Since I couldn't read the names of the shops, I had to judge it by its content, so nothing unusual... There were a lot of tempting stuff, but guess what I saw in one of them… ANIMAL HATS X3 X3 X3 ! I saw so many people at the bus stop and on the streets wearing it (not only kids and girls but grown men too!), all I could think all day was WANT IT O_O. That shop had so many of them! Bear, Rabbit, Panda, Mouse, Tiger… THERE WERE ALL SO Fµ!#ING CUTE :D ! I guess my Korean is still quite choppy (ok, very choppy, I sound more Arab than Korean somehow ) because the salesgirls and I were pretty desperate when they tried to understand which one I wanted. In the end, I had to… imitate them. Shut up, it was for the greater good and the six of us (me, the salesgirls and three other customers in the back) had a good laugh (even though at first I was like: "Goodbye, dignity, goodbye my friend" T_T). Thank god the prices were in numbers so I just needed to hand them my bills… In the end, I spent them all on eight hats (2 bears, 1 white, 1 brown, 1 tiger, 1 rabbit, 1 panda, 1 mouse, 1 lion and 1 wolf. ^^). I didn't expect them to be so expansive though o_O I know, I shouldn't have done that but… nope, I don't regret a thing :P. I don't care if Joseph hates them, they are miiine! They are very fluffy too, I could keep petting them and purr like a cat all day ^^

Starting to yawn again, I guess it's time I finally catch up on my sleep,

I also hear grunting from the bedroom. Gee, that's different from the commands and annoying remarks I get all day, just like the rest of the team… I'll go kiss Mr. Grumpy Jo good night and let him do whatever he wants tomorrow ALONE because there's no way I'm getting out of bed from now on.


	8. Sunday May 3rd 2015

Worst Sunday ever.

Ugh, so tired of rice! Well, eating it is fine. But OMG it's so heavy! I can't feel my shoulders after carrying all these bags back from the market (but they were so cheap!) T_T On my way home, an old lady walked past me with her cart. It was so full, not only of rice but other stuff too, the pile was higher than her head! And she STILL walked faster than me O_O! She walked even faster when she saw me. I guess I should be hurt, but at this point, I found more amusing than anything to look at her go on her short legs with her giant cart behind her like a chicken running away from a car. Is that a common practice to put your elders on steroids, Korea? I guess I need to do sports again -_-

Most of all, I'm so tired of Jo, right now! He forced me to stay at work this afternoon and refused to let me go when I said I was tired. Well, excuse me for trying to rest and enjoy my weekend! What the hell did he expect us to find in six hours that we didn't find in a whole week? When I started to work here, at first, I was glad to think I could see my boyfriend more often, but now I'm tired to have to bear my boss and teacher both at work and at home!

We've been sleeping five hours a night for four days and the boys are ready too, I told him.

Of course, he also made them do yet another training even though Sunday is also their own day off. They all looked pretty weary. Even G-Dragon and Daesung were not smiling at all. Beast was the only one who didn't look mad but I could still see the deep dark circles under his eyes. When I told Joseph that maybe it was enough for today, he yelled at me to stick to my job and let him do his! Even the guard didn't feel at ease, sitting between the both of us.

So of course I bit my tongue and stood there in silence. I know the demonstration for the undersecretary is in two days and it's making him nervous but there's no need to be such a bully! We're all on the same boat here! That's what I wanted to tell him. And yet I didn't. I'm such a coward when he's mad.

No wonder why, that day, since I was so tense, tired and upset, s we were watching the boys train, I was taken off-guard when a bullet hit Taeyang's belly and made him collapse on the spot with both of his hands on the wound, coughing blood. I felt mine leave my face right away. When G-Dragon heard the sound and turned his head at him, although he was far ahead, he instantly turned back and dashed at the other members who were all dispersed at all four corners of the area and stopped in their tracks as well to reach him and protect him, Beast being in charge of carrying them all to his spot one by one. When they were almost all gathered around him, although he was shaking like a leaf, Seungri was the one looking for the bullet with his fingers through the open wound. Taeyang screamed from the pain but then Top took his head in his hands and made him look into his eyes. The strong boy gradually calmed down and fell unconscious. They were so well organized it seemed it was not the first time they were dealing with that kind of situation. The last one, Daesung, arrived just in time as Taeyang was now breathing weakly with his eyes half-closed, his hands soaked in his own blood like two red gloves. When Daesung put his on the flesh after Seungri had put out the bullet, the wound closed right away and the blood dried. Taeyang was saved. The final bell rung and I heard Joseph let out an annoyed sigh.

"E to all of them." he said disappointingly. "And an F for Taeyang."

I couldn't believe my ears. Es and F?! Seriously ?!

"Don't you think it's a little too harsh?" I asked.

"In real battle, they wouldn't have been together." he replied sternly. "Taeyang would have died and there wouldn't be any bell to save them. They are being prepared for war, not a TV show. Actions have consequences. And not all of them lead to a happy ending."

When I heard that, I felt the adrenaline flow in my system and ignored all my fear and tiredness. For some reason, this was just too much I could bear from him.

"So they should have let him die?" I exclaimed louder and louder. "That's what you're saying? Let a life go for a grade? That's horrible! We can't teach them that! You can still have feelings for your comrades in the battlefield! Actually, if I were you, I would be glad they used teamwork in such a context. That's a virtue that should be encouraged, not punished!"

"E for everybody." he repeated to the guard, totally ignoring me.

As he was about to leave the room, he grabbed me by the arm and looked into my eyes.

"The reason I brought you here," he whispered coldly, "is not only because you're my girlfriend but because you were my most excellent student. It's about time you show me that I haven't been overestimating you all this time."

He then left, leaving me alone with the guard. My heart was still beating fast from the anger yet I could also feel all my limbs frozen from the coldness of his tone. I just hated it when he used it on me.

"Nice try." the guard said in a low voice and smiled sympathetically at me.

I smiled back at him.

"I know, I know." I said and sighed. "Don't worry. It's not like he would fire me or something!"

Although I had said that as convincingly as I could, I could still here that little voice in the back of my mind going "Would he?"

I then silently pointed at the guards' microphone, asking for permission, but then I remembered I didn't speak Korean. So instead, I had him tell them himself that they got As.

"At least for effort!" I added but asked him not to translate. Of course, the boys seemed confused to hear me talk in English but I didn't mind.

The boys were so exhausted they could barely stand on their feet. When the staff arrived, they almost had to carry them on the way to their cells. However, one of them, Beast, left last as he still stood there for a while and just looked in my direction. He was not looking upset or trying to say anything. He was just staring right at me with his big black eyes as if he was trying to reach my soul through the window that separated us. What did he want from me? When I asked the guard, he said he had no idea. When I had him ask the question, the boy didn't answer. All I could do was just stare back at him in silence for several minutes and feel the world around us disappear little by little. Now that I was thinking about it, I never saw him blink either. Had Joseph also cut his eyelids in the process? Suddenly, he flapped his wings lightly and walked away to join the others as the rest of the staff was waiting for him. When he disappeared, I felt like waking up from a trance and left the room, a little troubled but soon mentally bitching and moaning about my every day routine again.

Even now, I am still wondering what that stare meant. Did he know I was lying? Was he thankful? Was he trying to blame me because I represented Joseph in his eyes? Or was it just that he was tired and my eyes distracted him for a second? What did you want, Beast?

I guess speculating on my own won't make me get the answer tonight. In fact I'm pretty sure I'll never get one at all.

At least, I tell myself that I never saw Joseph get that kind of stare from any of them. Maybe that just means Beast likes me more than him. Take that Jo-Jo, that's for being so mean :3

Two days before the performance. Better get to sleep N-O-W.

So good night again, good night boys, my thoughts are with you right now,

Joan 3


	9. Monday May 4th 2015

Oh my God,

It's tomorrow. The undersecretary of the United States sent by the president himself comes tomorrow, along with la crème de la crème of military experts, generals... Please hide me in your pages, journal, I don't want to go! I'm beginning to understand why Joseph was so edgy all week. If this is supposedly not the first time he meets them and yet is still so nervous about it, how do you think I feel?!

How do I even greet them? Should I shake their hands? Everyone's hands? Not shake their hands at all? Or maybe greet them the Korean way and bow? Should I talk or let Joseph do all the talking? What should I wear? A dress? A skirt? Jeans? Heels? Boots? Sandals? Jewelry? No jewelry? I know we can't wear jewelry in the lab but we're talking about a state visit! What about the make-up?!

I'll never be ready. Well, technically I am. I put my presentation speech right in front of the doorstep so I'm sure I won't forget it and I can recite it both forwards and backwards. But in my eyes, I'll never be ready TT_TT

Joseph, the whole team and I made sure we didn't forget anything: the whole lab is nice and clean, the tour is perfectly mapped out, all the reports were simplified as to be both short and clear, and everyone prepared their best smiles. Now everything rests on the boys' shoulders.

If they are not ready, I'm gonna kill them! They are ready. There's no reason for them not to be ready. Even Joseph admitted it. To them, it'll just be another training, that's it. All they have to remember is to say "Hello, my name is…" in English (which was the hardest part of their "new" training, to which I can definitely relate, poor things :-/) one by one and bow to the audience at the end. I just hope they will be okay. What if they become nervous to see so many unknown faces? What if they hurt themselves because they can't focus on what's around them anymore?

Maybe I'm over-thinking it. After all, they weren't that nervous when I arrived. I bet they won't care at all! And if there's a problem, Daesung can still smile at them ;)) I know it always works on me!

Now is not the time to be nervous. I must focus on my job and remember all the numbers and statistics I'm going to throw at them (and there are lots of them!). I must neither disappoint Joseph nor the team. I don't care if they won't be my friends, I gave up on that eons ago. Once again, all that matters in the end is Joseph. I must make him proud of me and show him that I am still worth all the things he did for me. I want my big wet Good job smooch by the end of the day!

You just wait Jo-Jo, and all of you big G.I Joes out there, I'm coming,

Joan 3 *****

 ***** _Aaaaaaaaah someone kill me! Please sun, don't rise! Never rise again ! I want my mommy TT_TT_


	10. Tuesday May 5th 2015

I don't have words.

I've been staring at the blank page for an hour now and I'm still struggling to put it into words.

When did everything go wrong?

I guess I should start from the beginning. I still remember the outfit I chose this morning. I finally went for a simple pair of jeans, a blue sweater and boots. Joseph and I arrived ahead of time at the lab and we were all waiting nervously in silence, tapping our fingertips on our keyboards, chuckling at discreet, unfunny jokes about the wait and Korean traffic. It felt like an eternity. They finally arrived (20 minutes late!) and everything went well.

My voice was a little shaky at the beginning of my speech but it was soon under control. I remember the pit-bull faces of the generals staring at me and the undersecretary smiling encouragingly. The tour also went well as they listened to Joseph's presentation distractedly. They had all seen dozens of labs before. Ours had nothing exceptional to offer except… Well, the surprise. Oh wait, it's not even a surprise, not for the undersecretary anyway. So never mind -_-

Then came the important part the ones who didn't know about the boys had been waiting for: the reports. They all sat down in the meeting room and Joseph presented his results on a 3D screen as well as the black fluid (he wisely chose not to give them its unofficial codename). In the meantime, everybody was so tense, as we were standing still against the walls, the room, usually filled with the sound of small yawns, coffee sips and pencil tapping, would have sounded dead silent if it wasn't for Joseph's continuous babbling. All eyes were on the undersecretary's which kept looking at the charts as if he were scanning every line, every number, every statement, looking for any flaw. Yet I could tell that hearing such words as "doubled muscle growth" and "faster tissue reconstruction" made him more attentive than before. The militaries, fascinated, kept looking at Joseph's face and gestures and, although I saw small sweat drops starting to form on his brow, I could see the light in his eyes he had back when he showed me the SB for the first time. We almost had them.

However, needless to say, when he addressed the matter of the side effects, most of the officials suddenly started to frown and it didn't get any better when they were told that we hadn't found any treatment so far. There was a small silence. When one of the generals stood up and told Joseph in a sharp tone that he wouldn't get any of Joseph's "dummies" under his command, the others started to protest angrily as well. Joseph looked intensely at the silent undersecretary in the eyes.

"I need more time." he said.

The undersecretary stared back at him phlegmatically.

"You already had a lot of time. You had fifteen years." he said, "You should know by now that your works cost us millions of dollars every year. I can see right here" he said and pointed at the screen "that this is definitely going somewhere, somewhere good! You guys still need time but the problem is that I don't know how much. And neither do you, apparently. So unless you have real, concrete results to show me, I'm afraid this might lead to another funding cut."

When he finished, the militaries remained silent again. Although Joseph kept his serious, professional mask on, I know that he was smiling inwardly. So this where the undersecretary wanted to lead him; to him, his interlocutor's idle threat was nothing more than an act, like a kid nagging his parents, eager to know what he got for Christmas as his father keeps his present hidden behind his back. He was bored, he wanted the promised show and he wanted it now.

"I'm afraid the forces we've been playing with are quite unpredictable." he admitted. "However, allow me then to show you some more- explicit data."

He then guided them outside of the room towards the little surveillance room in front of the boys' arena. On the occasion, most of the monitors had been removed from the walls so more people could gather behind the huge window. When the room grew quiet again, my heart skipped a beat when I heard the first bell.

Unlike what I thought, none of the boys looked at the crowd gathered a few feet away from them. They all focused on their tasks and the finish line as usual. They were particularly good that day. None of them, not even Seungri, was hurt or tripped on anything. I had to stifle a sigh. I had been so focused on being prepared this whole week I forgot how strong and agile they were. They truly deserved to be called "super-soldiers". I hoped, when their training would be achieved and their symptoms cured, that they wouldn't be sent in high-risk countries. Not yet. I also glanced at the generals and the undersecretary from time to time but they all had their poker-face on, following the boys' paths without flinching. If that wasn't enough for them, what more did they want?

Suddenly, when they all arrived at around half of their usual circuit, each of them in a different room, one of the boys, G-Dragon, suddenly shouted something. They all stopped in their tracks and, as Joseph and I could see on the cameras, they headed towards the walls of the combat zones, all of them on the same side. When I tried to silently ask Joseph what they were doing, he gestured to me that he had no idea. Then loud booms were heard from the outside of one of the zones (Taeyang's !) and the officials started to whisper, alarmed. I reassured them that everything was under control, that the walls were thick and that maybe some of the boys simply did not understand the instructions they were given very well. In the meantime, Joseph whispered in the guard's ear to send security.

When five guards arrived in Taeyang's area, we saw he was indeed smashing the wall with his bare fists, obviously trying to break it. As he had his back turned on them and managed to make a few cracks here and there, he screamed in shock when he felt the electric batons hit his shoulders and fell on his knees, shocked with pain. Just then, we were surprised to see G-Dragon and Daesung had arrived in the room without being noticed and, before we could warn the guards as they were about to grab Taeyang, G-Dragon and Daesung suddenly attacked them. As painful as it was to Daesung (and for me to see), he grabbed the baton of one of the guards with his bare hands, took it from him and stunned two others with it. G-Dragon knocked out the three lasts by himself and they both helped Taeyang to stand on his feet again. That was definitely not part of the program! Just as we were about to send the rest of security, we saw all monitors suddenly shut down one by one. On the last remaining one, Seungri blew a kiss at the camera before he pulled out its cables, turning it off. As the guard in our room mashed the security button as hard as he could, I heard G-Dragon dashing and kicking the neon lights in the labyrinth, breaking them all one by one. The last thing I saw in the light of the last lamps was Beast sitting on top of one the metal platforms. He had not moved at all since the beginning of the revolt, staring calmly at me through the window. Then, the whole arena was pitch black and the red security lamps were activated, which were way weaker than the regular ones. In the surveillance room, people were starting to freak out as they tried to get out through the narrow exit door and evacuate the undersecretary.

Then, in the blood red light, the wall of Taeyang's zone finally collapsed and the six of them got out through the resulting cloud of dust, their six black silhouettes standing in line and walking fast towards us, their eyes glowing bright white in the dark. When the guard tried to reach for the metal curtain button, T.O.P. stared at him and he abruptly stepped away from it with a scream and a frightened expression. When Joseph told him to press it, he stood there, frozen. As we tried to reach it ourselves, he prevented us from approaching it and wiped out his gun, pointing it at the button, unable to shake off whatever the hallucination T.O.P gave him. Although the window was bulletproof, when Daesung threw multiple projectiles at it, it cracked in millions of pieces, still standing but making it almost impossible to see through. He kept throwing metal pieces at it with a playful grin in loud, regular bangs as small pieces were falling on the inside, one by one. I never thought I would ever be so scared of him. In fact, I couldn't recognize any of them. I couldn't recognize anything, I was just thinking I might never see the light of day again. I thought I would never have the chance to reconcile with my mom again. Yes, I even thought of that. That's how afraid I was.

Yet when the militaries took out their guns, the fear they would hurt the boys still managed to creep in and make me forget the rest as I shouted "NO!" while the boys were running closer and closer towards us.

Suddenly, in a microsecond Then Suddenly I'm still stunned at the thought of it. But I must write it down, even if it was probably just a figment of my imagination. Through one of the holes, I saw Beast turn and smile at the boys. A genuine, happy, childlike smile.

Then, he spread his wings and lunged at us as the militaries immediately opened fire on him. I screamed when his body hit the glass window inches away from my face, his wings widely spread like those of an immense butterfly, covering it almost completely. It's like he had been aiming at me. Or maybe it was just a coincidence. In any case, I'd never been that close to one of them so far. I could see the bullet shots on his chest and stomach and the blood pouring from them in vertical red streams all over the glass. I could see how skinny his arms were. I could see the blue veins under the creamy skin of his wings and how deformed and unnatural they were. I could see he had a round birthmark on his neck. I could see his long black hair glued with blood to his temples. His eyelids were closed, his thin lips cut and his cheekbones encrusted with shards of glass. Yet I could still distinguish the softness of his features. I remember when I thought he would have belonged to the "good boy" category of guys in the outside world. He would have been shy, polite and have good grades at school. Maybe girls would have loved his big black eyes and his sweet attitude. We would never know now.

When the last bullet hit him, he fell backwards on the ground with the rest of the window as the other boys who had stopped screamed and rushed to reach out to him. Unfortunately, the militaries kept shooting at them, preventing them from coming any closer. Even G-Dragon who managed to dodge the bullets couldn't move Beast's body because it was too heavy for him. So he had no choice but to turn back and leave Beast where he was.

Great, my tears are falling on the keyboard and my nose is running. This is definitely not helping. I can't let Jo hear me.

After T.O.P had broken eye contact with the guard, the latter unfroze and activated the metal curtain. As a fire had started in one of the combat zones in which the electric devices had been torn open, he also activated the fire alarm and the sprinklers released their artificial rain. The metallic wall went slowly down as the militaries kept pointing their guns at the boys. One of them gave a slight kick to Beast's hand so the curtain could close properly. They then escorted the undersecretary out and Joseph followed them, pale. I stood there as the security came back and reconnected all the cameras. However, when they surrounded the boys, I turned on the microphone and commanded them to stay where they were. The five boys, who were all looking at the sixth, had barely noticed their presence. Either this or they didn't care about them or about the water that was now pouring on them.

As soon as the curtain had closed, Daesung and T.O.P had come closer. As Beast had landed on the side, T.O.P laid him on his back and removed the glass shards from his body delicately as Daesung applied his hands on his wounds. However, after he removed them, they remained open. He tried again, touching every cut, spreading his fingers with his palms pressed hard on the skin. Beast was still not opening his eyes. He laid there, his mouth half-open with no air coming out as the water washed away the blood from his face. Daesung turned his ghastly face at T.O.P whose eyes were hidden by his hair. The oldest stood there for a few seconds, immobile. Then, without a word, he lunged at Beast and clung on to him, his face buried in his shoulder as he held him tighter and tighter, his own shoulders shaking greatly. Besides him, Daesung's tears kept falling from his chin among the heavy water drops. Left. Right. Left. Right.

Taeyang kept a stern face as he was now hugging Seungri protectively, the youngest sobbing freely in his arms. He turned his head at their leader who had turned his back on the group. He bowed his head and, as he fell on his knees, he punched puddles on the ground with his fists. I guess since he was the one who ordered the assault, he felt guilty as hell, maybe guiltier than everybody else. Yet something was telling me he was not the one behind the idea to begin with. Not the only one at least.

I couldn't stand it any longer. It was indecent of me to watch their grief and pain so I left the room.

Was this what you tried to warn me about, Beast? You knew that they had planned all this and would fail? You knew you would have to die to protect them? Or were you the one behind it?

I walked towards Joseph's office like a zombie when I saw the officials leave without saying a word and I looked at them walk past me without saying goodbye to them. Not that they seemed to care. When I entered Jo's office, he was sitting at his desk with his head in his hands, his black bottle in front of him.

"They said I would hear of them very soon," he said in a low voice. "like I haven't heard that a hundred times before."

"Does that mean they are shutting down the lab? Are we going to lose our jobs?" I asked.

"I don't know." he said.

"What about the boys?"

"I don't know!" he said louder and got up to punch the refrigerator.

"Joseph! The chemicals!" I said.

"Who cares about the chemicals?" he shouted back. "They are not ours! We can get new ones, we can blow up the place! Hell, we can make the boys drink them if we want to! It doesn't matter as long as we've got their blessings! But if we don't, we're screwed anyway!" he yelled as he opened the door, took out a bottle of god-knows-what with his bare hands and threw it to the wall. I covered my face as it smashed in pieces and stained his books which were piled up next to it and then evaporated almost instantly. When people came in as they heard the ruckus, I politely shooed them away and started picking up the pieces with my gloves as Joseph then sat back at his desk and went silent again.

"I spent twenty-five years on this." he muttered, looking only at the small bottle of black goo even when I tried to give him a hug. "They can't take that away from me."

This is the last words we've shared, which was about eight hours ago.

So here we are now. I have no idea of what will become of us. Maybe if Joseph tries, he can still get another job as a teacher at Harvard. If he doesn't try, I will. But maybe the Pentagon won't even let him apply for it this time. Could they possibly do worse? Could they forbid him to come back? Could they arrest him? What about the boys?

I can't sleep. I see the sun rising from behind the curtains. I guess I've been writing for too long this time. I may be writing in it for the last time, at least in Korea. At least, that's the good thing. I can't stand the awkward stares or their weird alphabet any longer. Yet I must admit I felt so lonely I was considering paying a visit to my mum, with or without Jo. I guess I'll have to reschedule it for another time, maybe in the next decade. Come on, Joan, it's time to stop whining and face Wednesday bravely.

Anybody thinking about me at this moment, wish me and Jo luck,

Joan 3


	11. Thursday May 7th 2015

I think I'm sick.

Not that I caught a virus or anything but I don't feel good. At all. I feel as if I were going to throw up any minute even though my stomach is completely empty. My hands are freezing and every little sound in the living-room makes my heart race as if it were trying to escape from my ribcage. Oh yeah, maybe this has something to do with the fact that I'm stuck. Maybe this has something to do with the fact that I've always been so naïve, so gullible, so delusional about being good and thus guaranteed a safe future and living happily ever after… Maybe because there's no need to deny my secret fear of Joseph any longer.

The two following days after the undersecretary's visit have been a living hell. Nobody would talk or walk in the halls. No more buzzing machines, no more perpetual brouhaha of small talk and scientific babble. Silence had invaded it all. People were sitting on their chair, either doing nothing or force themselves to work to not go mad with anxiety. Anytime the phone would ring, people would jump and rush at it to pick it up then hang off disappointingly. Still no news of the undersecretary. All eyes were also on the big boss' office. But Jo had locked himself up and hadn't come out except to let me bring him lunch. I was so worried I thought I needed to cheer him up somehow. So… one night, after I begged him all day to come back home in the evening, I went home earlier and left a note at the office saying I would be out for the night. Of course, it was just an alibi to prepare his surprise 3 !

When he arrived that evening like I had asked him to, I had been waiting in our bed comfortably, a couple of glasses and a bottle of his favorite wine on the night-table, the lights were dimmed and… well, let's say I was glad I had brought my favorite lingerie in my suitcase for that kind of emergency ;)

However, when I heard him come in and I called his name with my sexiest voice, when he saw me in our bed with his coat and his shoes still on, he didn't look even surprised. In fact, he just looked at me with a small smile on his face and, as he came closer to me, he embraced me into a bear hug, then took my head in his hands and gave me a big smooch on the lips.

"I have a surprise for you." he told me against my lips and gave me his warm, lovable smile.

I couldn't help but stare at him in disbelief. A surprise? For me? But I was the one supposed to surprise him! Plus he's never done that before! He then took out a bottle of champagne from his bag and poured it in the glasses I had already prepared.

"I know you've been waiting for it for a long time." he whispered in my ear.

He then handed me a glass and told me to close my eyes as he bent on his knees. I gasped and my heart skipped a beat. Could it be…? Was my Jo-Jo about to ask me…? This was probably his way to tell me that he wanted me by his side in the darkest of times! OMG YES! YES! YES! YEEEEES! I was screaming in my head as I was already grinning with my eyes now closed. When Jo-Jo told me to open them again, he was not holding a ring but a letter in front of my face. I took it, confused and a little disappointed.

"Read it out loud." he said.

So I did. It was the answer from the Pentagon. Joseph rested his head on my knee like a little boy listening to his favorite bedtime story. In spite of the incident and a major refusal to support the project any longer, some generals were impressed by the boys' performances and a minority had voted to keep financing the development of the SB. They were ready to fight to be the first to have real super-soldiers in their army! However, they thought the product was advanced enough to be finalized in the US. Some of them had even called him in private and told him they were ready to settle an unofficial arrangement to have it right now. When they announced the prices they were ready to pay, Joseph told me he told them he could slow down the secondary effects by maybe selling them smaller dosages or cut it with other medicines just for a few months so in the meantime, the SB could still be secretly perfected in its pure form.

That meant we would soon pack and fly back home, "our real home", he said and took out two plane tickets from his pocket.

My Jo-Jo was so happy! He was dancing and yahooing all over the place even though he was usually so introvert because, he said, he was getting too old for this. As for me, although his joy made me smile, I couldn't help but remain skeptical on the inside.

"You sure you wanna do this?" I asked hesitantly. "That doesn't sound very legal."

"Come on, sweetie (again, he never called me "sweetie" unless he wanted to lure me into something), it would just be for a few months. I'm sure if we work hard enough, we can finish it in time before the first dosages are sold!"

"Yeah, but just because they said it might take you just a few more months in order to motivate you doesn't mean it will." I added as I sat on and put on my dressing gown (did I mention it felt weird to talk about work in lingerie?) "You don't have to do this. We can't sell it as it is! The addiction, the cerebral damages…"

"I know that!" he said louder and put down his glass on the night-table so abruptly he spilled half of his champagne and it made me look down in silence. "That's why we will need to work harder than ever. Listen, do we look like we have a choice right here?" he said and made me look in his eyes. "It's either this or we can kiss all this good-bye. Is that what you want me to do?"

I slowly shook my head with my eyes still down.

"No, of course not." I said in a small voice. "This is your whole life."

"Exactly," he said and poured himself another glass satisfyingly. "which is why I also wanted to ask you something."

I knew it.

"What is it?" I asked.

He then took another sip before he wrapped his arms around my waist and buried his face in my neck.

"You see," he said softly, "they said they wouldn't be able to send the money right away when we're back in the US. It might take a few months. So I was thinking, maybe it's time we think about that joint account we talked about before..."

"We never mentioned it before." I bluntly replied.

"Never?" he asked innocently. "Well, maybe it's time we do, then. You see, lately, since Korean lifestyle is a lot more expansive than in America…"

"But I'm not done paying my student loans yet!" I whined before he raised his head and gave me a stern look. "Fine, I'll help you." I gave in resignedly. "Aside from that, I know you hate that question, but… What about the boys?" I asked shyly.

He paused for a second and slightly parted away from me.

"Well, obviously we can't transfer them to Washington. And we can't let them here on their own either. As cruel as it sounds, I'm afraid they have no future anywhere."

He parted from me and took a sip from his glass as I looked at him to check if he was joking. Then, as he caught me staring, he shrugged lightly and sighed.

"They are too wild, too brutal for this world. Let's admit it, I overestimated their chances. I'll take the blame for that. They are more weapons than humans now. But don't worry. Now that I may be able to have adults as test-subjects in the future, I won't have to spend so much time on each of them and let the side effects develop so deeply."

"So… what about them? Wait, are you saying… Are you going to…?"

As I asked him in a weaker and weaker voice since I couldn't believe what he was trying to say to me, he looked deep into my eyes and said:

"Do you have another solution?"

His eyes and tone of voice were cold to me again. I took my head in my hands, unable to process what was going on, their five six faces in mind as if they were right in front of my eyes. I couldn't believe he was talking about terminating them for a question of convenience!

"We lost Beast barely four days ago!"

"I know. But it wasn't our fault. It was his. Or rather, it was theirs."

"You can't be serious. You can't do that to them. They trust you!"

"Which is why they must be aware that it is all for the greater good."

I paused.

"Sweetie, remember what I said?" he said and wrapped me in his arms reassuringly, "Don't relate to them. Tomorrow, their brains will be so soaked with SB. They won't feel a thing. By now, they must have already forgotten whether they were six, ten or twenty-five to begin with!"

"I wouldn't be so sure if I were you." I said in a sharp tone and parted from him. "Did you even mention them to the militaries before you took that decision?"

He sighed exasperatedly.

"Who would want them now?" he shouted. "They are incontrollable! I tried everything on them! Everything! Anyway, I've made my decision. They are my boys, not yours, period."

"Fine." I said and got off the bed, upset. "I'll sleep on the couch tonight."

When I was about to leave the room, Joseph suddenly grabbed me by the wrist, holding it so tight I winced in pain as he went closer to my ear.

"If don't what you think and I don't care if you hate. However, don't even think about quitting." he suddenly whispered. "You're in too deep now. I won't let you go. Not that you would ever think about it, would you?"

He then smiled at me and kissed me on the lips before he closed the bedroom door on my face, leaving me stunned in the corridor. When I finally ended up on the couch in the leaving-room a few hours ago, I almost threw up and my hands were trembling so much I could barely hold the pen at first. My writing got better but my head is still a mess.

The worst is that he is right. I'm in too deep. For four years, my whole life has been almost only about him. I was all alone back then. My father was dead and I was mum's only child. Since we were financially just above the line that would have allowed me to get a scholarship, I fought to help my mum pay back my student loans. I had almost no social life back then, not that the spoiled brats of my class were interested in me anyway. With Joseph, everything was simpler: he'd help organize my schedule, teach me everything he knew, talk to my other teachers about my family's condition, console me when I had a bad day, he helped me get my first job… I owe him everything. He's my hero. My own Superman.

That bastard, that liar, that murderer… I can't leave him now. He owns me. Even if I could, I can't do anything without him. I turned my back on my only family for him. I have nowhere to go. I'm stuck. I'm stuck. I'm stuc

I had to go throw up again. And now I'm shivering. In a few hours, the boys will die. Then I will be on the plane with their killer as he will smile, talk to me and hold my hand like nothing was wrong. I will never feel safe in his arms again!

I will keep this journal on me from now on and try to photocopy anything I can about the project from now on. One day, he will pay.

I'm so sorry mom, I love you,

Joan.


	12. Friday May 8th 2015

Hey, journal :D! OMG thank God you're still there with me!

So many things happened today I can barely remember my name right now _ . Everyone is asleep so I'm enjoying the first moment of quietness and solitude in hours. Who knows how long it will last? Especially with these two staring at me. Yeah, I know you're watching me! But just because I'm behind my computer doesn't mean I'm not watching you too, guys! There's no need to speak any language to know what my stare means, right?

So, once again, reading my previous entry helps me a lot putting the pieces together.

I remember I was still very groggy when I arrived at work this Friday morning. Even the weather was pretty cloudy. That was not a good sign. Joseph and I had barely exchanged a word in the car. Not that we had anything to say to each other. Some people hadn't showed up, knowing they were out of job from now on so half of the rooms were empty when we arrived. Others were waiting to be officially fired in the afternoon. When I went to the surveillance room, the guard was gone as well. I didn't want to be near Joseph so I hung my coat on the guard's chair and sat there. I let myself zone out, gazing at the metallic curtain which was closed for good between me and the broken window. I stayed there for a solid minute doing nothing, like a lifeless doll. When Joseph came in to ask me to come pick up my stuff and then kissed me on the top of my head before he closed the door, my eyes welled up, feeling like I was sitting on a bomb and couldn't get up. Just then, as I raised my eyes, I glanced at the monitors. The boys hadn't moved from their cells in three days. T.O.P was sitting still as usual. His look was sterner than ever. Judging by the tension of his jaws, I assumed he was also clenching his teeth. G-Dragon had torn down his rubber ball. Seungri was not looking at the camera anymore. Taeyang couldn't care less about his training. They were all either standing or sitting on the ground with their back against the wall and a lost expression on their faces, so quiet and still one might as well have hanged pictures of them in front of the cameras in their place without seeing a difference. When I saw even Daesung bow his head, pull his mattress as far away from the door as possible and lie down with his back at the camera, I put my elbows on the control table, put my head in my hands and cried.

There I thought I heard talking. Thinking I had been heard, I got up and quickly wiped my tears before I went to the door. However, nobody was there. When I went back to the monitors and sat down again, I saw T.O.P looking straight at me. I immediately covered my eyes in reflex and held still, anticipating the effects of the hypnosis. When nothing happened, I slowly spread my fingers and looked between them. He was still looking at the camera, as immobile as a statue. I relaxed a little and crossed my arms on my chest with a sigh.

"What are you looking at?" I said out loud at the monitor. "So you found your camera. Big deal. What are you gonna do now?"

"Joan."

When I heard him say my name, I stayed transfixed on my chair. That was the same sound I had heard a few moments ago. I looked at the button of the microphone and noticed it was way closer to me than I thought. I realized I had probably pressed it by accident when I started crying. That's how he knew that I was there! I regained my composure and pressed the button again, looking at the monitor.

"What do you want from me, T.O.P?" I asked in English.

He then pointed at the door without breaking eye contact with me.

"Open, please." he asked in a neutral tone.

To my surprise, I didn't obey him. It seemed he could instill any emotion he wanted to people but couldn't manipulate them enough to make them do what he want. But I can neither tell if he knew that already nor if the way he had asked me was just a request or a command.

"I can't do that." I answered. "You know, we both know I can't do that."

"Joan, open, please. Please." he repeated more softly.

"I can't. I can't!" I repeated like a broken record.

Suddenly, all the others raised their heads and looked directly at their cameras before they came closer as if they were seeing it for the first time.

'What the hell?!' I thought. 'Did they hear us?! How?!'

"Preeeeze!" Seungri said to the camera, now so close his face filled the whole frame, smiling childishly, as he had climbed on the wall and was now hanging from the little machine like a monkey (however I could hear it was about to break under his weight :x).

"Preeze!"

"Preeze!"

"Preeze!" The others went on.

Their five faces were looking up at me, their eyes now filled with hope. What was wrong with them all of a sudden? Did they know what was going on? Did they hear other staff members talk about their termination? I looked at them in disbelief when I suddenly noticed the big red button next to the microphone as if he had appeared out of nowhere and only now started to exist. I knew that if I pressed it, both their doors and the iron curtain would open for a certain time. And then, what would be their shortest way to the exit?

'What am I thinking?' I realized. 'Of course they wouldn't get out of here alive! Neither would you! If you even think about it, you're dead! Both literally and figuratively!'

As my eyes were now on that button and my fingers were so close to it, I clenched my hand into a fist and looked away. The boys were still waiting for my answer, hanging on to my words. I bit my lips.

"I'm sorry. No. I can't do that, guys. I'm sorry." I repeated a little lower.

When they heard the syllable "No.", all of them bowed their head in disappointment, turned their back and went back to their spot except T.O.P who kept glaring at me.

"There's nothing I can do. I'm powerless." I insisted, although I wasn't sure he knew that word.

I suddenly heard a hiss coming from the monitors. The five of them must have heard it too as it made them jump and turn their heads to see where it was coming from. The hissing sound became louder and louder as the corners of their ceilings slowly opened and began to fill their cells with colored gas. I watched them cough and lean closer to the ground, panicked. Had I activated a button? I hadn't touched anything though! I was sure of that! Or was it already time for their termination and released automatically?!

Most of them were now gasping for air as Taeyang staggered towards his door and punched it fiercely with both of his fists yet his punches slowly became weaker and weaker by the second. They all started to stumble and fall to the ground as G-Dragon, now on his hands and knees, cried the four others' names at the top of his lungs along with something in Korean which I did not understand but was probably nothing else but a cry for help.

A cold sweat dribbled down my temples when I saw him finally collapse and the four others were now lying on the ground, unconscious but still breathing very weakly as the gas kept filling their cells.

They were all dying in front of me. I couldn't stand it any longer.

Without thinking, I pounded the red button and rushed out of the room and into the lab, hoping I would not be caught by Joseph or anybody before I came back. As the iron curtain was still opening very slowly, I bent over, went to the other side then started to run again with gas masks in hands.

I couldn't believe I was now running across the arena, sprinting in heels with a huge gas mask on my face and five others in my arms, listening to the echo of my clicking footsteps along the empty, large combat zones. The machines were turned off and half of the walls were in ruins so I could see the hall that led to the boys' cells easily.

Just as I was about to reach the door that separated both areas, I suddenly felt as if my ankle had been stabbed and practically fell on the door when I pushed it open. As I leaned on the wall trying to catch my breath and took a quick glance at my ankle, which was sprained, I saw the five of them out of their cells, standing on their feet and perfectly fine, looking at me. Their cells were clean from any gas and, as I rotated the knob of my breather, the air I sniffed was definitely breathable. I let the five other masks fall at my feet and grimaced when one of them brushed my ankle. Had this happened to somebody else and had I been witnessing it, I guess I would have just laughed out loud at the scene.

"What the hell is going on?" I screamed in my mask in a muffled voice.

The others kept staring at me in surprise and confusion as if I came from another planet. I sighed and lifted my mask, looking probably very upset.

When they recognized my face, they smiled, relieved. I then turned towards T.O.P who was now looking at me with an arrogant smirk on his face. That was enough to make me realize that all I had seen on the monitors had been nothing but one of his tricks. I swear I had seen them die though! I had heard them scream! It had all felt so real!

Taeyang, who still hesitated to go out of his cell, forced the door which was now closing in on him. At the same time as I suddenly realized the situation I found myself in, an ear-piercing alarm went off, which made me jump and made my mask fall back on my face. The boys instinctively ran towards the exit and, as I tried to run after them, I fell all sprawled out and hissed in pain at my swollen ankle. I then heard one of the boys stop and walk back before I felt arms lift me by the shoulders then carry me. When I raised my head to see who my savior was, I saw it was Taeyang. When our eyes met, he looked away and slightly blushed. Even at this moment, he was more intimidated by me than anything else However, he let me no time to react as he quickly joined the others who were ahead of us. The five of them were running so fast and their pace was so hectic I was feeling dizzy. And it certainly didn't help when security arrived and tried to block their way as they deployed around them in the arena, all armored and wearing big black glasses.

"Who are you?" the one I recognized as the guard from the surveillance room shouted at me.

I realized I still had my mask on and didn't have my badge on me. When I tried to answer, Taeyang and the boys lunged at them so abruptly it knocked the wind out of me. Then everything went too fast and too loud for my memories to take it with bright flashes in our faces from all sides, people trying to grab us and hit us, someone screaming "Let her go!" and the four others lifted the curtain in front of us to force it open.

When we exited the surveillance room, I couldn't believe it. There we were, me and the five boys, running through the hallway of labs and offices with my colleagues at their doors, looking at us come through, wide-eyed and speechless. This was surely not how I imagined my leaving party o_O

When the boys found themselves at an intersection since they had been running blindly so far, in a flash of lucidity, I signaled them to turn right and guided them first towards my office to take my laptop then Joseph's. Thank god he wasn't there (I assumed he was now in the surveillance room freaking out, yelling at everybody and throwing stuff at them!). I then made Taeyang come closer to Jo's laptop as I hacked it and searched through all his files as fast as I could. I also made the four others look in his stuff to find his car keys, which Seungri found in his coat-pocket and handed to me with a smile of victory which, I assume, he thought was as manly as Jo's. Oh how I wanted to wipe that smirk off his face since now was definitely not the moment to show off

After what seemed like an eternity, I finally found the boys' dossiers and quickly transferred them to my computer. The last file was done uploading, and the originals deleted just in time as Joseph entered his office with his jaw hanging open at the sight of the six of us.

To my surprise, when they saw him, the boys stood there in silence as well, as flabbergasted as him, and even lightly stepped back in awe. As he blocked the door with his body and I heard the guards coming closer and closer, I felt my heart race faster and faster. I needed to wake them up! So I instinctively took out my last shoe (the other one was gone -.-') and threw it at Jo's face. Suddenly, as if he had broken out of a spell, T.O.P, who the closest to him, punched him and pushed him out of the way before he ran and the others followed him. As Taeyang and I went past him, our eyes met and the look Jo gave me when he recognized me sent shivers down my spine. We then finally found the elevator and I mashed the button with the number zero as the doors closed on us and everything went silent again.

My heart was pounding like crazy in my chest as everyone was busy catching their breaths and I finally took off my mask. God, it was hot in it D: ! G-Dragon was the first to raise his head and smile at us as the boys started chuckling at first, then laughing louder and louder. However, I wasn't laughing at all and ordered them to stop. I also told Taeyang to put me down as I wriggled in his arms. But just as he did so, the pain came back at full force in my ankle and I fell down on my butt once again, yelping and whining as I tried to stand up. The fact that I wore a short skirt that day definitely didn't help as I tried to support myself with a hand on the wall and pulled on the cloth to cover my legs with the other at the same time. This was the most miserable day of my life D:

"You guys better laugh while you still can," I said sarcastically out loud even though they weren't laughing at all anymore. "just wait until we get outside and take a deep breath. That's the last the six of us will enjoy of it. Will you stop staring and give me a hand already?" I barked at them even though I knew they couldn't understand what I was saying.

Just then, I felt a pair of warm hands on my ankle as I looked down in surprise and saw Daesung massaging it gently. Little by little, the swelling reduced and I felt the pain less and less until it was finally gone. When he was done, I looked at my ankle: it was good as new! Our eyes met and he gave me the most stupid, nerve-racking, adorable eye-smile he could and, as hard as I tried not to, I eventually smiled back and all my wrath was gone off my system.

"I hate you." I managed to say though, to which he and the others grinned.

But the peace I felt didn't last long as, as soon as the doors opened again, other guards were lunging at us again as I was carried once more and the boys dashed through another maze of walls and doors and panicked Korean scientists they kept bumping into (I did try to say "sorry!' once or twice but then left it alone :-/) .

When we finally reached the outside doors, militaries were waiting for us and aimed their guns at us!

"Wait!" I heard as I covered my eyes. "They got a hostage!"

I heard another yelled sentence, which was probably the Korean translation but it came too late as they opened fire. I hurriedly guided them in the parking lot through the ruckus of the bullets towards Joseph's car as they managed to all get in somehow and I jumped behind the wheel and made the engine roar. I was in such a state of shock and frenzy I didn't slow down when some of the soldiers tried to stop me and jumped on the side when I almost hit them.

My palms were sweaty and my mouth dry as sand. When we reached the desert road, I saw a couple cars starting to chase us and shooters with masks aiming at the tires. We all jumped when we heard a loud "bang!" at the back and I started to drift on the side of the road. I looked in the rear view mirror and saw them coming closer and closer until the front of the first car was touching the back of ours. It lightly hit us and I started sobbing.

"No, no, no. Please, no. Please…!" I whimpered and mentally called for my mummy.

The boys around me were silent and looking at me with serious expressions on their faces as tears were running freely on my face. Suddenly, I heard a door open.

"What are you doing?" I yelled and my eyes widened when I saw G-Dragon's red head on the other side of the rear window, clinging onto the trunk as the others were obviously encouraging him, facing our chasers. He then sprung on the other car and at the face of the shooter who screamed and tried to get him off. However, he managed to pull off his and the driver's masks. T.O.P then turned at them and stared at them right in the eyes. The vehicle soon lost control and crashed on the second one as it swerved off the road.

I hardly kept my eyes on the road as I watched the two cars become smaller and smaller in the mirror and tried to not lose G-Dragon's silhouette in my field of view, lost in the landscape of the long grey road under the grey sky.

"Where is he? Where is he?" I asked out loud in a weak voice.

The four others kept looking at the rear window, blocking my view. Suddenly, I noticed a black and red spot coming closer and closer in my exterior mirror and saw it was G-Dragon, running next to our car with a big grin. When he opened the door again and went back inside, the others cheered him, all talking at the same time and I snapped.

"Shut up! Everyone shut up! Are you crazy?" I said and looked at G-Dragon through the mirror. "You could have been killed! You could have gotten us killed! You could have…" I said and nearly missed the exit that led to the city centre as I managed to turn at the last minute in spite of the flat tire that was now making me slightly drift on the left. Then I started crying again.

"What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do?" I asked myself through my tears.

The first thing that came to my mind was to go to Joseph's place, which I did.

By the time we arrived to his house, the tires were unusable and the engine had given up and refused to run any longer. After I went out of the car, I walked to the door and invited them in as I entered and started picking my stuff in the living-room. But as I noticed that they hadn't followed me, I went back outside and called their names. They ignored me and just stood there. I walked towards them, upset. There I saw they had been looking all around, attentive and in awe.

I leaned against the door, surprised, and observed them.

Their eyes were wide open and moving slowly like cameras photographing every little detail that came in their field of vision. When clouds moved in the sky, the sun appeared and shined on Joseph's small garden. Seungri, surprised by the sudden warmth, raised his head and looked straight at it, shut his eyelids then opened them again, trying to hold his stare as long as he could until he bowed his head and covered his eyes, growling, as they were now hurting. He then tried to stare at it again like an angry stubborn child. G-Dragon sat on the ground and, as he was surrounded by grass, he took one of his black gloves and brushed it with his bare white hand. He then plucked a blade of grass, kept it between his fingers with a very serious look as if studying it, then brought it to his face, sniffed it and put it in his mouth before he spat it out almost immediately, which made me chuckle.

T.O.P stood up in the wind as it started blowing. He closed his eyes, slightly opened his arms and let it brush his shoulders, his face and lift his hair gently. Although he was not smiling, I heard him let out a sigh of contentment. I think it was the first time I saw him so serene.

Taeyang was crouching next to a bush full of flowers, watching them swing in the wind. At some point, he extended a hand towards one of them and, as he held it between his thumb and his forefinger, he leaned forwards shyly and smelled it. Its scent must have been intoxicating to him as he leaned on it again, closed his eyes and smelled it more intensely, almost hiding his nose in its petals.

Daesung was walking around a tree that was strangely noisy, his eyes on the branches, as if looking for something. He turned his head on the side from time to time and, as his stare became vague, approached his ear to the trunk. He then abruptly extended his arm and stuck his hand on the tree before he extracted something from it and the buzzing sound stopped. He then sat down and opened his palm as the others approached to take a closer look (thank god the buzzing had stopped, it was loud enough ). There, they looked at the little cicada he had caught. When his little friend started buzzing again, his eyes shined and his smile grew even wider.

I couldn't help but feel a little moved at their sight. Even when I called them again, my voice was softer than before. Yet, this time, they came in.

I repacked everything I had brought in my suitcase when I arrived a month ago. Oh God, I realize I've only been here for a month! When I caught sight of pictures of Joseph and me on the walls, I felt a pain in my chest and bit my lips as I took them off one by one and tore them determinedly like the drama queen I am. I thought this was the last time I would ever see that monster again.

Since we would probably need it as a disguise, I also made the boys put on a shirt and a pair of pants on top of their uniforms. Needless to say, the result was disastrous. Most of them were either two small or too large, half-unbuttoned with no matching colors. They looked like hobos. Yet it was better than nothing.

Then I did the unthinkable. Something I hadn't done in years. The one thing I could only do in an emergency case. Looking at the car that was not an option anymore, I took my phone and… called my mother. The one person I swore to never call for help ever again.

She took her long $$ time before she picked it up (well, to me, it felt like it ) and when I heard her voice, I felt my heart stop.

"Hello?"

She knew it was me. How could she not? Yet, she did not even sound surprised or mad to receive one of my calls after all this time.

"Joan? Is that you?"

"Yes, it's me, mum. How've you been?" I said hesitantly, trying to sound as natural as possible, yet I knew it sounded forced.

"I'm good. Just so you know, I shouldn't be taking this call so consider yourself lucky. I'm in Seoul on a health cure. You know, for my rheumatisms? But what am I saying? You would know it if you called me more often!"

"I'm sorry, mum. Wait, wait, wait, did you say you were in Seoul?"

"Yes, for my rheumatisms. Are you deaf?" she repeated then added a smile in her voice. "We are in Q-Spa! It's a lovely place and the staff is so…"

"Does that mean that nobody's home? Not even your boyfriend?"

"No, Kwan is with me. Why? What's going on, baby?" she said with concern in her voice.

"Er… Mum," I said and mine suddenly stuck in my throat as tears welled up again. "I… I hate to say that but… I need your help. I have nowhere else to go and I have no friends in Korea so…"

"Hold on. You're in Korea, right now? So you finally joined Joseph? And you didn't call me? Since when? Where are you?"

"We're in Pyongtaek. It's been a month. But Joseph and I've broken up. I can't tell you everything, mum, but I swear, I wish I could," I said and burst out crying. "I'm with these guys now and they have nowhere to go either and I can't let him find me or them, I'm scared, I'm scared to death! Everything went so fast and I know you'll probably say no because I'm calling out of nowhere and I'm so sorry and I know I sound crazy but oh my god, mummy, I, I need…"

"Baby, baby, calm down." mum said authoritatively. "Don't talk so fast. If you can't find the words right now, it's alright. We'll talk when I'm back on Thursday. If Joseph mistreated you and you need protection from him, you can go to our apartment with your friends. Then, you can try to find a place to stay. We'll figure something out."

"Thank you. Thank you so much, mum." I whispered gladly.

"You remember the address? You still have the keys, right? How long do you guys need to stay?"

"I don't know. I really, really don't know…" I said and suddenly realized how exhausted I was from the emotional rollercoaster I had been on today, which she probably noticed.

"Ok, we'll discuss this later. I cannot believe it's only now that you're talking to me about all this. I knew he would end up harming you! That guy is no good. I knew it from the beginning! But you never listen to me! Should I also call the police?"

"No!" I exclaimed. "I mean, not yet. I-I'll do it myself, don't bother."

"Okay. I must hang up now or they'll confiscate my phone. Call me when you arrive! That's an order!"

"I will, mum."

I finally hung up and sighed, relieved, then turned at the boys with a beaming face (at least I assumed it was in spite of my runny nose, swollen eyes and red cheeks -.-').

"Guys, I've found us a shelter." I said and gestured them to pick up our bags so we could leave the house. The boys followed me talking to each other, laughing from time to time, which I ignored since I was starting to feel more and more tired.

Since we couldn't take the car anymore, we went to the next bus stop by foot and got in the first that arrived. While I was looking at the map, I tried to ignore all the stares, especially since the bus was so full on a Friday afternoon. I must say, in spite of my efforts (and the boys' since they stayed together and wouldn't say a word even though they kept being bumped into and were shining with sweat under all their multiple layers of clothes), we looked particularly "special" that day to say the least: a black girl with a ton of bags, droopy red eyes, messy hair and no shoes, and five young men dressed like crazy hobos with multicolor hair and  
tight black leather showing here and there. The six of us looked like monsters, either ready to improvise a commercial spot for the next horror video game or back from the rave party of the year. Actually, thank god the bus was so crowded that day because I think that was our only credible disguise :S

When we finally arrived at my mother and her boyfriend's apartment after hours and hours of bus travel (only then did I remember how my mother's district was spelled out in Korean on the map T_T), the sun was setting outside. As I expected, after we climbed all six floors, as soon as we entered the living-room, the six of us got rid of the bags and crashed all over the place. G-Dragon and Seungri settled on each side of the couch, resting their heads on each armrest, so exhausted they closed their eyes almost immediately and Seungri's arm was soon dangling freely, completely numb. Daesung took off his boots before he sat in one of the armchairs and curled up against the cushions. Taeyang was so worn out he just laid on the fluffy carpet, set an elbow under his head and fell sound asleep. Top sat between G-Dragon and Seungri, rested his head and closed his eyes. As for me, I took the second armchair and started drowsing off when I realized I didn't have any alarm clock. My phone had no battery left and I was too tired to go get one in my mum's bedroom in the dark. However, I knew that if I fell asleep now and the guys woke up first the next morning, they would probably mess up the place or worse, escape! Who knows what they will do now that they are free? As such, in order to stay awake, I occupied myself the best I could: I walked to the calendar on the wall and marked a big cross on May 14th with the attached pen, then left a message to my mum with the fixed telephone before I went back to my armchair, feeling even more tired than before. At this point, small insignificant actions were enough to suck me dry.

The room was plunged in darkness when I opened my eyes again. Yet I felt as if I were being watched. When I turned my head, as I let my eyes adjust to the obscurity, I saw T.O.P and G-Dragon's eyes were open as well. They were (and are still) watching me, probably waiting for me to fall asleep, just as I expected. So the three of us started a staring contest in the dark. There is no way I can let them win, especially not these two. Even if G-Dragon saved us, he is still their leader. If he told the others to set fire to the place, they probably would! And T.O.P… there is just no way I can trust him after he tricked me. Actually, I wonder if he did it again throughout this whole day. Did he make me do something I didn't want? Just as I asked myself that question, I felt my head bow and my eyelids become heavier and heavier until I snapped them open again.

'No sleep! The boys are still awake!' I thought. 'It's probably another one of T.O.P's tricks! Don't give in!'

So, in order to stay awake, I turned on my laptop and started typing. Thank God, it's very efficient so far. Remembering the emotions of the day helps a lot. I don't know how long I can still hold on though. Unfortunately, I'm coming at the end of my report and I don't know what to sey anymore. I wonder what we'll do tomorroow. I wonder if Jaseph arrived a

t is house yet. I wonder if hell contact police. What am I saying? I now he can't. If he does, he'll have totolk bout the boys. If he talk about the boys, heal have to prisent documents, pctures… he'll have to talk about th laab. And long as I've got his files n my camputer, I should be fine too! The bys must wonder what I doing, making these wierd faces at my screen every tme I write bout posetive and negative ^^ I'm typing ore and more slowlyy to. My hed is feeling heavy. The esys, the eyes. But I can't can't sleep. I must keep typping, keep typing, keep typing, kep typin, keep typing, keeptyp ing, keep typinndlv, hdb, dddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd


	13. Saturday May 9th 2015 (afternoon)

Hey Journal,

Oh God, what a mess. Looking at my screwed up previous page, you would think today's report could only be better. Right ?

Wrong, it got worse. Not in terms of style (thank god I got all my neurons back!) but the content…

I should have seen it coming. The nightmare I had that night was a sign. Like I said (or rather wrote? :S) I struggled for what seemed like hours to keep up with both G-Dragon and T.O.P. until I realized my eyes had been closed for a while and I couldn't open them anymore. The last thing I remember before I sank further in dreamland are hands, I don't know whose, taking away my laptop from me and putting a blanket on my shoulders. I remember I asked myself what I was going to do when the boys would be gone.

Then the building collapsed and, although my eyelids were closed, it felt as if they opened again. I was running into the streets, dizzy, with the police running after me and the boys ahead of me, killing everybody at sight. My mother was on her knees on the sidewalk, crying, telling the police that I was with them and what a shame I was to my family. I tried to steal a car and drive away from the city on fire (without keys, oddly enough) but it crashed after barely a few feet. So I had no choice but to get out and keep running after the boys and away from the cops until one my legs broke like porcelain and I fell flat on my face. A young angel was watching me from above with a blank expression. Then I saw he had Joseph's face and I crawled towards him to hide myself in his big arms. As he flew away with me, he suddenly grabbed me by the neck and strangled me with his warm smile. When I stopped moving, he turned completely human and walked to the boys. We were now on a different location, they were stuck in a cage and as small as toddlers. When he saw me wriggle on the ground, choking against the corner of the room we were in, he came back and sat on top of me as he approached his clawed hands closer and closer to my eyes while I struggled to get him off. When I lightly jumped and snapped open my eyes, I saw I was still alive and I had been kicking the blanket off me which had landed on the ground in a ball. The whole place smelled like a kennel, of sweat, dirt and metal, and I heard soft snores in the morning light. Unfortunately, today was not a dream. I remembered in a micro-second that I DID escape and the boys WERE with me, sprawled out everywhere in my mother's living room. And now I WAS stuck there, hiding from Joseph. Thank god the boys were all still sleeping, even Top and GD.

First things first. Since I was the only one awake, I took the opportunity to take a look in the kitchen and inspect the fridge and cupboards. Of course, because Mum and Kwan had been gone for three weeks, the fridge was turned off and everything was empty, except for a half-full box of rice in the smallest cupboard. Fantastic T_T

My poor little stomach was starting to grumble since I hadn't eaten since yesterday morning O_O I took a moment to think, then admitted I had no choice but to let the guys alone while I went shopping so we would all have something to eat when they wake up. So I quickly changed and stepped carefully over their bodies (some of them had fallen on the carpet; it didn't seem to have woken them up at all :P) to take my purse and keys, then tiptoed very slowly towards the entrance door, so silently I almost jumped to the ceiling when one of them turned and grunted in his sleep (Good Lord, Seungri, even in your sleep, you're annoying ).

Then I was out. Oh my God, it felt so good to be out in the morning fresh air! On my own! I was free :D ! At last! Only for half an hour though -_- But that thought didn't bother me at all as I took a deep breath and almost danced in the streets towards the store in front of passers-by whose eyes went from regular cloudy-not-a-morning-person-please-don't-talk-to-me-I-bite to stunned-amazed-and-a-little-afraid when I walked/danced passed them with a big grin on my face O_O. Yeepee Yay, that was the best morning of my life :P

Of course, when I arrived at the supermarket and faced all the flashing signs I couldn't read no matter how big and full of exclamation points they were, my euphoria level soon dropped back to 20%-10% -_-. And it nearly dropped to zero when I looked at the packages of spicy this and dehydrated that on the shelves, looking for the English part of the etiquettes, as usual: some of them didn't even have it X( !

Although Joseph and I couldn't eat stuff in Korea like cornbread or meatloaf unless we imported it (resulting in a long, tedious and expansive wait) or bought it already-made (rare, expensive and with a disappointing taste), we both usually still stuck to the westerner lunch style with one big meal, forks and knives and desserts (especially strawberry cake :P). Yet I know how to use chopsticks and I saw Joseph cook Korean cuisine once in a while when he was not too tired, since it's usually quite longer to prepare. So I had only a vague idea of what a "typical" Korean lunch was like. I knew that, unlike Americans, the boys and our Korean colleagues usually would have lots of small plates so they could pick a piece of this and that here and there, even for breakfast. Right?

First, I picked extra pairs of chopsticks and looked for all the food in promotion. And since I was so tired of rice, I decided to skip it and go for instant noodles and marinated vegetables (I think it's called Kimchi) instead. I also bought pork ribs (Galbi), barbecued beef (Bulgogi) and chicken and fish to be sure the boys would at least eat one thing! I also bought packet soups and sweets. Every quantity was multiplied by six, of course.

When the young cashier saw me coming with all my packs of meat and marinated stuff, I thought she was going to have a heart attack. She passed all my items without a word in rhythm punctuated by the endless "Bleep!" of her machine as everything kept piling up at the other end of the counter in a tiny mountain. I wish I could have joked about what a busy mom I am and how grumpy my kids get when they don't have a proper breakfast but I still lack cruelly of vocabulary T^T Thank god I had enough money and the sentences I had to learn for my trip at the mall still worked there (although I barely articulate them better). And so I left with a dozen of bags on each arm and quickly walked away from the rest of the queue who was getting more and more impatient behind me. Show some mercy, Korea

When I arrived, the apartment was still silent and I thought the boys had still not awoken. My God, who would have thought they were such heavy sleepers! However, when I entered the living-room after I dropped my things in the kitchen, I saw none of them was there. And that was not the worse: the TV was smoking, the coffee table was broken in two and the couch and armchairs were torn apart and upside down. My heart skipped a beat and time stopped for a second. Then, hearing the sound of voices coming from the hall, I ran towards it and saw all the boys bending over the narrow balcony from the bedroom, trying to reach for something as they were all stretching their arms as hard as they could towards it. The French window was broken and there were shattered glass with specks of blood all over the frame. As I stepped over it and came to the boys who parted to let me through, I withheld a gasp when I saw Taeyang hanging from the balustrade, the joints of his hands scratched and whitened from their tight grip on the iron bars and his legs dangling above the five other floors, his hands hanging low and his arms shaking. A few passers-by on the sidewalk had also stopped to stare at the scene. I couldn't let more of them gather under our shelter without risking to look suspicious. What if they called the police?

"Taeyang, look at me. Taeyang!" I called his name with a shaky voice, trying hard not to panic.

When he raised his head and our eyes met, his face lit with a smile and he muttered something, "Nuna" or something like that.

However, he then looked down again and shut his eyes.

"No! No, Taeyang, look at me. It's me. Joan. Joan-sshi!" I called out again in a softer voice and made him raise his head again. "It's okay, Taeyang. Look at me. Take my hand." I said and extended mine towards his.

However, he didn't take it, looking away as my hand came closer to him.

"Taeyang, come on. Take it!" I said, but he didn't move. "Take it, please!"

"Jam-Kan-Man!" I then heard G-Dragon standing next to me shout at him.

We both looked at each other and, as he stared into my eyes directly with his golden ones, he gave me an encouraging nod and I nodded back before I looked down again as his friend who was shaking more and more from the tiredness.

"Taeyang, listen to G-Dragon. Jam-Kan-Man!" I repeated clumsily and the others repeated all around me.

"Jam-Kan-Man!"

"Jam-Kan-Man!"

"Jam-Kan-Man, Taeyang-ah!"

"Come on!" I said and held both hands above his head.

When he finally took them, I suddenly felt violently pulled like a ragdoll over the balustrade until I felt eight strong hands hold me back by the waist and keep me fixed to the ground of the balcony. He was heavy as £ù#k ! However, the four others soon took hold of his wrists, his shoulders and his waist as he then landed on the tiled floor and we all panted heavily from the shock and efforts.

When I regained my composure, I slapped him hard on his bare shoulder.

"You stupid kid! Why did you do that? Did you try to kill yourself or escape? And you," I said and turned to the others and threatened them with the palm of my hand as they all stepped back. "Why didn't you stop him? Why didn't he let you pull him back?"

"He missed you. He was worried." Top explained shortly in a calm, neutral tone and I then looked at Taeyang who was rubbing his shoulder, less from the pain than incomprehension from the unexpected violence. The others were glaring at me, both angry and shocked.

I felt a wave of guilt flood over me. It also made me conclude that the six of us definitely needed to start learning English and Korean as soon as possible. I definitely didn't feel like dealing with that kind of "Welcome back home" every day!

"I'm sorry-" I started softly but then decided to toughen up. "But still, you guys should know better! You ruined half of my mother's home, you know? And you hurt yourself," I said as Daesung was now healing Taeyang's hands. "so you should know you'll be punished for the rest of the day. First, get out. Then stand in the corners of the hallway and don't move. I don't wanna hear any of you for the rest of the day." I said and pointed at two angles in the hallway outside of the bedroom. "Top, translate."

He gave me a disdainful look as he translated it all to the four others who then either glared at me like G-Dragon and Taeyang or looked at each other in bewilderment like Seungri and Daesung. I didn't understand their reactions at first but now, I think it's pretty understandable. Whenever they acted wrong or did too bad at training, they would be either beaten or electrocuted, sometimes to the point they would faint. Some of them as proud as GD could understand painful treatments but couldn't take the humiliation of such a low punishment! As for the others, they just didn't see the point of such a weird command.

However, they did as they were told like good soldiers and stood in front of the corners of the walls in groups of two and three.

Meanwhile, I picked the broken shards of the window, cleaned the blood and covered the gaping hole with a pair of sheets (we do with what we have, okay ) then walked back to the kitchen, sighing and grumbling as I threw all the glass shards in the garbage. Mum is so gonna kill me when she's back! Plus this is not her home, it's Kwan's. So both of them are gonna kill me when they're back!

When I walked back to the living room with my broom, hand brush and dustpan, Seungri was standing there.

"What are you doing here? Get back to your corner! Go!" I said and shooed him away.

He took a few steps back and disappeared. So I turned my back on the hall, took a garbage bag and threw away the biggest pieces of the TV set. However, I felt a presence in my back and, when I turned around, he was back, smiling sheepishly at me.

"Don't you dare give me that smile." I warned him. "No matter how hard you try, I won't let you or Daesung try to soften me. Punition is punition. Now go away, I'm busy." I said and pointed at the hall once again.

He obeyed and went to the hall once again. I then took the broom, hand brush and dust pan and swiped the shreds of plastic and glass shreds on the floor. Of course, when I turned, he was at the entrance of the living-room again with his shoulders hunched and an exaggerated sorry face, obviously trying to look cute as hard as he could (which was way less effective than Daesung -_-). Since I couldn't get rid of him, I rolled my eyes and sighed.

"Fine. You can stay. O-kay." I articulated to make him understand and he smiled. "BUT don't touch anything. Or I swear…" I said and showed the place before I waved my hand at him threateningly to which he nodded frantically with a big smile. "And stop with that face. You're 20 and we both know you're not autistic."

Of course, there was no way he could understand that last sentence so I muttered it less to him than to myself. He stood quietly against the wall as I went to one of the armchairs, jumped on it and put it back on his feet thanks to my weight. When I tried to do the same with the second one, I saw he was attentively observing me and came closer when I jumped on it to ake it stand up just like the first one.

"You want to help me?" I asked. "Then do the same with the couch." I said and pointed at it. "Go on, it's all yours."

He smiled as he went to the huge couch, jumped on it and the heavy couch stood back on its feet with a loud "thump". He looked at me with a proud smile, then pushed it and made it fall back on its back, to which I gave a disapproving look. But soon, when I saw how busy he was pushing it on its feet and back, obviously enjoying himself very much, I let him do as he liked and went on with the rest of the living-room. However, at some point, he stood on the couch on one foot and, when it stood up again, he lost his balance and fell upside-down on the ground as his head hit the wooden floor noisily and his feet stayed vertically in the air for a second like those of a dead bird. He then fell on his back. When he tried to stand up again, he tried to avoid my gaze shamefully but, as he stood up too fast, he immediately fell on the couch again and stayed there, still stunned, in pain and unable to move.

The scene was so unexpected and so cartoonish I couldn't help but burst out in laughter, which startled him as he then glared at me and slurred Korean bad words (at least I assumed they were bad words :P) which just made me laugh even harder and try to catch my breath.

I guess the both of us must have been pretty loud as the four others soon left the hall and joined us, surprised. Yet when they saw me roar with laughter (ok, I guess I AM loud after all ^^) and Seungri knocked out staring at the ceiling in agony, they started giggling and soon, as Seungri eventually gave in in spite of his increasing headache, the six of us were laughing uncontrollably. Looking at each other's face was enough to keep the laughter going anytime it was about to die off XD

"So," I told the boys when I finally calmed down. "if you guys really can't stand punishment, make yourself useful and help us." I said and pointed at the broken wooden coffee table before I went back to work.

Eventually, they all helped and soon, everything was nice and clean, except the room was now almost empty except for the carpet, the shredded armchairs and the broken couch. I guess we needed more space anyway.

While we're at it, I thought, they might as well take a bath because the whole place now stank of sweat, meds and metal :(

I drew a bath and lead them to the bathroom two by two before I gestured them to take off their clothes, wash on the small wooden chair and then go in the hot tub. I left the room as soon as I was done with my explanations. After all, we are all human beings and though they didn't seem to be aware of it, I was NOT ready to see so many young men I barely know totally naked in front of me .

G-Dragon and Taeyang were the first to start. I took their clothes and uniforms that smelled of sweat and blood and held my breath to put them in the washing machine. God, guys, next time you train, use spandex… the smell of sweaty leather is AWFUL _ . Plus when I took it out, I knew it would take days, if not weeks to dry, so wearing it again was definitely out of question for them

I smiled when I heard them both laugh and splash each other as if they were ten again. Before that, they knew no other way of washing than being hosed down against the wall with ice-cold water, so I guess having a bath was like going back in time for them, back to the time before they were kidnapped. However, when I entered the bathroom again with towels, the whole place was flooded and the bottles of soap still sealed on the counter. They turned at me, surprised. I walked towards them, and, without a word, as they shut their eyes in anticipation of a hit, I took a quick sniff of the top of their heads. Just as I thought: not only were their faces still dirty but their hair smelled heavily of smoke and gasoline as well. Angry, I took the bottle of shampoo and started with GD who wriggled and whined as I washed his head myself. GD, buddy, I thought we were friends T_T. He got up and tried to run away but was soon paralyzed by the shampoo that stung his eyes and blinded him due to his quick movements as I then brought him back to the tub by force and rinsed him with the head shower. I felt like I was grooming a wild dog D: ! Thank God, Taeyang was much more cooperative, although he kept avoiding my gaze and remained silent, even when I rubbed gently the shoulder I had slapped and said "Sorry".

Seungri and Daesung were quite easy to handle as well. Although, when Daesung sat in the tub, he first remained immobile with his knees against his chest and his head low, not smiling at all. I guess he didn't like it. But then, when I drew hotter water, he finally relaxed and sank a little more in the tub until only his upper head down to his nostrils were emerging as he closed his eyes and sighed in delight. On the other hand, as I then tried to take their clothes to wash them, Seungri kept calling me over and over every time, going "noona!" this, "noona!" that ***** , stretching his muscles like a bodybuilder or pushing Daesung's head in the water to annoy him until Daesung sat up, his eyes shining with anger, pushed the younger's head down and kept it underwater until he was waving his arms around, screaming in panic in tiny bubbles (thank you Daesung -.-).

 ** _*_** _I guess "noona" means "look at me!" or something like that._

When the two of them were done, I realized the last one was Top. When I went to get him, he was sitting on a broken armchair in the living-room, looking like he had been waiting for me. I brought him to the bathroom and did my little explanation just like I did to the four others. Yet when I was done, he just stood there and, even after I explained him a second time, and a third time, he was still not moving an inch, still staring at me, still waiting. I thought he did not understand me which was weird seeing how he was the one with the most vocabulary. For a moment, his look reminded me a little of Beast. Unless, I thought, maybe he was just making a fool of me, pretending not to understand as an excuse to disobey me. If that was the case, he didn't know that kind of behavior motivates me even more :( ! I stared back at him, annoyed, then grabbed the hem of his shirt and lifted it above his head without a warning.

Then, as his arms were still in the sleeves of the shirt, I found myself surrounding him with my own arms and my face close to his chest. As we were paralyzed in this position, I felt the blood rise to my cheeks. However, I went on, took his shirt off completely and threw it to the ground. Then I went on with the belt of his pants. But as I unbuckled it, I couldn't help but feel ill-at-ease as he kept staring down at me. I focused on my task and gazed at his skin. I'd been amazed and a little scared by the impressive numbers of scars on the boys' bodies. Yet Top had the most: small, long, old, fresh, deep…; his whole torso looked like parchment, with his story written all over its surface. I couldn't take my eyes off of it. It also looked slender and muscular, much more than Joseph's. The more I looked at it, the more I could clearly feel the warmth of his body against my hands, especially since the water of the tub had long time cooled off. That's when I realized I was locked up in a room alone with a young man I had been stripping, the both of us far away from Joseph. In the silence, I could hear both of our breathings almost synchronize. First mine, then his, then mine, then his, deeper, longer… When I raised my head, his face was suddenly barely inches from mine.

'What the hell is wrong with you?' A voice screamed in my head. 'Snap out of it! Now!'

Yet we both stood there, frozen, and I felt my heart race when he leaned in, narrowing the gap between us more and more as we both kept our eyes open. The next second, water splashed loudly all over the place and my butt hit the bottom of the tub as I fell backwards with my eyes shut, suddenly drenched in ice-cold water and inhaling foam. When I tried to stand up and opened my eyes again, coughing and spitting soapy water, I was alone and Top had joined the boys in the living-room, fully dressed up. I knew it, I knew it, I knew it. I should have seen it coming that he would try to trick me again .

I kept glaring at him as I prepared lunch and felt even more upset when he didn't even bother to turn his head at me. How dare he play with my emotions And how dare I fall for it so easily, for that matter? He's not even that good looking (ok, actually he is, but it hadn't struck me until now!), he's just a brat with big black eyes! Plus since my social life had never been that exciting in college, I lack a lot of experience so that makes me quite gullible. However, as I kept looking for reasons and justifications to hide my shame and embarrassment behind, I was glad that the other boys helped me get everything ready: when I brought the dishes, the table was clean and set and they were all sitting around, waiting quietly. I was so glad to see them all so well-mannered I forgot why I was mad for a moment. Plus I was pretty proud of myself. I've never cooked Korean cuisine before and the result looked and smelled rather tasty :D ! I guess the boys agreed with me as, as soon as their plate was full, they started eating eagerly and soon nothing could be heard except the sound of spoons and chopsticks. Little by little, all the dishes were emptied and I could feel that none of them felt even half full.

I guess this is what you get when you cook for six for the first time, especially for five boys who lived with severe food-restrictions almost all their lives!

Meanwhile, since I had been thinking about Joseph, I thought about the situation. This was our first morning of freedom. Where were we all, us and them, since yesterday evening? What was Joseph doing right now? Was he looking for me? Had our not-so-sneaky escape from the lab broken the news yet? I shortly left the table and turned on my laptop to check: the event did hit the headlines of three of the four newspapers I checked, yet the three of them mentioned a "technical incident" with one of the machines that had been all under control. Of course it was! They did show a photo of me though, indicating that I was missing. At least, since the project was secret and illegal, I knew that neither the press nor the police would support Joseph in his investigation about the five boys. They would focus on me. My phone suddenly ringed. When I read the name, I felt my breath caught in my throat:

"JO-JO 3"

I let it ring, stunned, both of my hands suddenly paralyzed by the melody of the ringtone. It stopped abruptly after a few seconds and a short happy jingle then resonated in the air. I had one new message, from Joseph. My heart was pounding as I opened it:

 _"_ _Hi, sweetie._

 _Are you busy? Do you miss me? Don't worry, I WILL FIND YOU. I'll do WHATEVER IT TAKES. Please come back, I know you need me. I want you and I WANT MY BOYS BACK. You know how much I hate people touching my things! I'LL FORGIVE YOU IF YOU COME BACK TO ME SOON._

 _I'll be waiting, sweetheart 3,_

 _Your Jo-Jo"_

As I read it, my lips trembled silently. I knew for sure that he was definitely furious. His scripted message seemed to be coming straight from a serial killer of a horror movie. I could imagine the cold rage behind his warm smile as he typed it in front of the journalists and added the capital fonts and the little heart before he sent it to me. However, as I felt my heart pound, I gritted my teeth and took a deep breath. Now was not the time to panic. Who the heck did he think I was? His puppet? Not anymore. This time was over. If I started to freak out, the six of us were gone for sure. First, we needed to get out of there or the boys would go nuts, especially since I couldn't leave them alone in this small apartment. Then, we needed a cover, starting with proper outfits for the five of them.

Speaking of which, as I was deep in my thoughts, one of them suddenly raised his head, then two, then three, and they all looked at each other with their mouth still full. I looked at them questioningly and they all jumped out of their seats and ran out of the room, covering their mouth with their hands. The last one, Daesung, ran towards the kitchen counter and threw up in the sink, pale and shaking. I looked at him then looked at my plate, worried. Thinking about it tonight, I still don't know what happened today. Was something wrong with the food? Were the promoted articles I picked past their expiration date? I'm sure I'd cooked everything thoroughly though! Plus, although some of the stuff did taste funny because I'm no chef at all, I didn't feel sick myself. And God knows how picky I am when it comes to eat stuff I don't know!

When they all came back to their seats, staggering, their faces as white as sheets, I gave them a sheepish look as they sat down quietly with dead eyes and pushed their plates away from their chests.

"Sorry." I said, hoping they knew the word by now. If I wanted to take them out, I needed them to trust me, which was not guaranteed if they thought I tried to poison them :-/ !

Daesung and GD smiled weakly at me and the others just bowed their heads, breathing deeply to prevent themselves from puking again. Some of them had messed Joseph's ugly shirts, adding new interesting colors to the mix.

Yeah, we definitely needed new clothes -.-

It's getting late and I hear stomachs grumble, including mine. It's time to get out of the bedroom and make dinner. I'll be back soon.


	14. Saturday May 9th 2015 (night)

The boys were very quiet during dinner. Good. I don't want to hear any of them until tomorrow. In fact, I don't want to hear anything. I just want to be alone and think –think about what to do next, especially after what happened. If you want to know, yes I'm still mad at you boys. Definitely, definitely mad at you and at myself.

When I announced the boys that we were going out (pointing at them and me and the door since I didn't want to count on that stupid Top to be the translator), they seemed to immediately forget their sickness and they then grinned ecstatically, suddenly talking joyfully and very fast to each other.

"But," I emphasized. "there will be some rules."

The first rule, I explained, was that they were not allowed to use their powers outside of the apartment, to which they strongly opposed but I was intransigent. The second rule was that we needed to stay gathered all the time. Finally, the third rule would be that the six of us would avoid drawing attention on us and keep our identity secret, so we needed a disguise that couldn't let people see our faces, especially me since I was officially a missing person (although I knew I was not the only girl with foreign "exotic" features in town so I still had a chance to be confused with someone else!).

When I saw their multicolor hair, I thought my love for animal hats had been either a premonition or a blessing. I also searched through closets and took my mother and her boyfriend's sunglasses, as well as five pairs of mine (yeah, that's a lot, maybe I'm a little spoiled sometimes :3).

They all put their girlish glasses and kiddy hats on one by one (even though they hated it because it was way too hot for the season!). Daesung had the brown bear hat, Taeyang the white one, Seungri had the panda (for some reason, that suited him especially well but of course, there was no way I would tell him ), G-Dragon had the lion and Top had the wolf. Needless to say, they didn't look like the coolest kids in town, pretty ridiculous even, but their looks were all still credible. When Top translated Daesung's whining, that he wanted his uniform back (which was still wet and drying in the bathroom), I knew that this afternoon wouldn't be a walk in the park. This was even more flagrant when Taeyang kept throwing his hat and glasses (now I know it was because it reminded him of being locked up in the dark of his cell) and when I tried to force him to keep them on, he pounced on me and almost punched me. Yes! Adorable, shy Taeyang almost PUNCHED me! Thank God the boys grabbed him and stopped him in time. Who knows how much one of his punches must do to a human body with him being a head taller than me and his arms at least twice as thick as mine? D: That moment, I remembered the mannequins and felt the same fear as when the boys tried to rebel against the militaries. I especially didn't like the face he had for a second. Such rage… It's like I was just another one of the scientists from the lab again. So I decided that Taeyang would be the only one going bareheaded, which, of course, made the others pull faces and whine again (somebody give me a f¤*%!g break T_T).

They behaved well in the bus on our way to the mall. Yet, when we arrived there, as soon as we went inside and they saw how high the building was with wide, surprised eyes, they began dispersing and I was running after each of them, trying not to lose sight of them and smiling awkwardly at observers who grinned when some of them ran past them. They did look cute with their animal hats and their big, innocent smile as we went from store to store to pick some nice outfits. However, these poor ladies and gentlemen were obviously not the ones trying to catch up with these fast, mentally challenged idiots

G-Dragon was running between the stores (just fast enough to be out of my reach but still be considered a normal speed. Thank God at least he understood THAT part of my speech -_-), scaring people on his way when he almost bumped into them, along with Seungri who was looking at everything, touching everything, questioning everyone about anything and with whom, of course, he had way less difficulties to chat than with me.

How unfair! I'm the one in charge of them, not these strangers

Taeyang was not as reckless as his comrades and he stayed next to Daesung, not daring to walk too far from him, especially when they would run into people who stared curiously at him. As for Daesung, he walked at a slow pace, looking around quietly and smiling brightly at all passers-by who responded to him with the same grin, spellbound.

In the end – I have no shame to admit that now – I was so tired of trying to keep an eye on all of them at the same time I screamed at them in English in order to get them all back together in front of me, to which they immediately responded as the rest of the crowd stood away from us. The boys themselves didn't look so proud to be screamed at like this in front of other people, especially people they felt closer to than me. Thank god we were done with shopping so I only had to gather them to go home now.

"I don't get it! You guys can be so good when you want. You used to be so disciplined at the lab! Can't you be like that without being forced to?"

They all looked at me and gave me a sorry look even though I could see in their eyes that they did not understand me at all. I sighed and suddenly noticed something, something very alarming: among the big, colored hats that faced me, I could see the brown bear, my white bareheaded one, the panda, the lion… but there was no wolf.

"Where's Top?" I asked. "Top!"

When they heard his name, the four others all looked at each other then looked in all directions before we all turned around at the alley we were facing. A few stores further, Top was standing, looking at us from afar. When I called him and gestured him to come at us, he slowly took off his animal hat and glasses then turned and ran in the other direction further and further away from us. I watched him go, panicked.

"Get him!" I ordered the other boys.

Yet they had all started chasing him even before I had told them to. I myself took off my heels and ran after him with all our bags of clothes (I'm starting to get tired of always carrying tons of bags around when I'm outside ).

Top was running faster and faster, pushing people out of the way, looking at something I couldn't see yet because I was too far from him. Ahead of me, Daesung and Seungri ran on each side of him, trying to get him stuck between them as they went closer and closer, yet when Daesung tried to force him to face him, Top suddenly slowed down and turned, as both of his opponents were abruptly stopped when they hit a bench and a couple of garbage cans. Taeyang was luckier as he had been waiting for Top when he turned and caught him, holding him tight and making him struggle in his arms. Yet when Top turned his head and made him look in his eyes, Taeyang suddenly shouted and let him go to cover his eyes with his hands, frightened by something we of course couldn't see. When I eventually reached him, panting, he was curled on the floor, shaking, before he came back to his senses and started running again.

GD was the only one left to be close enough to Top. As the latter kept looking back and forth to catch his friend in his field of vision, G-Dragon kept zigzagging left and right as well, managing to dodge his stare, just like during trainings.

We then arrived at a big open space at a crossroads of multiple alleys. At the center, a big stage was set with a presenter demonstrating something about a product which, in any case, involved a tiny camera filming the said product and multiple large screens. When Top arrived at that stage, he pushed the presenter out of the way and grabbed his camera. There he looked straight at it and his stare was caught on the dozens of screens that faced the audience who, I think, still believed that it was part of the show. Suddenly, when everyone stared at the multiple screens, they all stepped back and yelled, bending forward and holding their head, in pain.

Short of breath from the side stitch I got, I stood in the alley and paled, avoiding the sight of the screens. There were children in the crowd! Old people! Babies! Surely he would notice them and stop whatever he was doing, I thought. However, he did not. Standing on stage, focused, all he was looking at was the lens of the camera, staring at it intensely while holding it with iron fists. Some people outside of the crowd also took out their phones and started filming it all. I met the eyes of some of the boys from afar as they gave me the same worried look I was giving them. I knew that GD was lost somewhere in the crowd, trying to reach Top but people kept standing on his way. Suddenly, some men and women in the crowd roared madly and pounced on each other, throwing kicks and punches around, blind with rage. Even with a glimpse at some of the screens, I felt a sudden rush of adrenaline and covered my eyes instantly. Now was the second phase of the hypnosis.

"Stop it! Stop it, please!" I screamed at Top through the tumult. But at this point, he either didn't hear me or didn't care.

The whole place was in uproar, which didn't get better when security tried to intervene and soon ended up in the same state of pain and confusion. When I finally found him, GD's eyes were locked on mine as he kept pointing at the screens on stage. Unfortunately, I did not understand what he expected of me. Before I could ask him what he meant, he picked up stuff on the floor from torn bags and started throwing them at Top to distract him but Top simply dodged without moving an inch from his spot. What did he want from me?! Look at the screens? That was exactly what I was trying to avoid! The crowd moved in our direction and Taeyang and Daesung tried to contain them, pushing them away from Seungri and me. However, some stronger men punched them in the face and stomach as others grabbed them from behind to prevent them from getting away. As they kept running towards us, Seungri took my hand and made me run towards the elevator as he then stayed behind and defended it, preventing other people from taking it. However, since he was neither as strong as Taeyang nor as quick as GD, he soon took heavy blows to the face and chest in the process. From a distance, as I kept going higher above it all, I saw Taeyang and Daesung had given up on the pacific strategy and were now punching back their assaulters who were soon knocked out and lying on the ground. I couldn't believe I had lost total control of the situation so quickly. A few feet away from them, G-Dragon was still fighting on his own, trying to throw stuff at Top while moving towards him. When a couple kids pulled a screen off its display and threw it towards Daesung and Taeyang, as they were both hit by the heavy device from the side and fell down under its weight, they looked up and suddenly shut their eyes tight, screaming in unison with the curled up people on the floor, crawling and begging in agony like bomb victims on a battlefield.

Suddenly, when I saw the screen on the ground turn black and get shattered as it was repeatedly stepped on, I realized what GD was trying to tell me earlier.

I pushed the button to block the escalator and walked down towards Seungri, called him and pointed at the broken screen. After a while, he still did not understand what I expected from him so I just made him help me move through the hysteric crowd, trying to reach Daesung, Taeyang and GD. However, they were too far away from us and our voices couldn't even reach them above the racket. So it was all on me and Seungri. As we managed to reach the sides of the stage, we managed to grab the screens together one by one with our eyes closed and made them fall to the ground, kicking them until we heard the reassuring "crack" of the plasma panel.

Little by little, we heard the noise of the crowd calm down and, and before we knew it, all the screens were on the floor, in pieces. However, I suddenly heard the sound of a device fall to the ground as Seungri was suddenly punched in the face and pushed out of the way and I faced Top, looking angrier than ever. He grabbed me by the shoulders and forced me to look in his deep black eyes before I suddenly stepped back, unable to look away even though I felt like blades were jabbed in my eyeballs and deep into my brain! I was blind and it hurt! IT HURT SO MUCH! I never felt such pain in my entire life! I was ready to do anything, even rip my own head off to MAKE IT STOP!

As I felt like I was about to become mad with pain, the boys suddenly came to my rescue as Daesung and Taeyang blocked my view and I heard G-Dragon punch Top hard in the face as he then screamed and tried to fight back, only to be punched again. When the pain stopped and I calmed down, sweating, I then looked around and saw Daesung walk away and go from people to people as he placed his hands on their faces or their bodies, healing their wounds and then making them fall asleep. Taeyang dropped something at my feet, which I recognized as broken phones. He then helped GD seize Top and they forced him to join us. Now the oldest had a black, swollen eye and, as he glared at GD, trying to hypnotize him again, nothing happened except that GD glared back at him, barely intimidated. Seungri had also collected our purchases, now stained and crumpled as he handed them to me with an apologetic smile. In my head, I was too busy thinking about the police who would be there soon. He waited for Daesung to be done and come back to us, then helped me stand up and whispered in my ear:

"Lessgo."

Everything was awfully quiet when we left the mall. So were we. I called a cab and we drove back home without looking at each other at any moment.

Still without a word, I closed the door of the apartment behind us when they all came in. We then gathered in the living-room. It took me a while to start, just standing there with my back against the wall, my arms crossed and my eyes on the floor before I finally croaked my first words:

"Today was a disaster, boys. I don't know how else you can call it. It was a disaster. Jaeang." I said in Korean as I had checked the word on my phone in the cab.

The boys had their heads bowed, quiet.

"Even if you tried as hard as you could to take care not to any trace of our passage, and I give you an A for effort there," I admitted, "it may still not be enough to prevent the press to cover the event. The cameras still recorded it all. The police will look at the tapes. They will call us, ask questions. They will ask who you are, guys. What will we do then? They are looking for me too, you know! That means, if everything I said happens, there's nothing I will be able to do to protect you. I am not Super-girl. I've never been one."

I guess I was -and am still- not even mad at this point. I just felt very weary and I wanted to go to sleep as soon as I could.

At this point, my eyes met Top's. What should have I done, there? Slap him across the face? Yell at him? Break stuff? I did none of that. Instead, I just looked in his valid eye as the other one was now totally closed.

"How about you, huh?" I asked softly. "You're the one who ruined our day. You're the one who screwed it all up. Don't you have anything to say to me?"

I don't know what I was expecting. Maybe just for him to say "sorry", or at least look sorry. However, he just stared at me with a blank expression, his arms crossed on his chest just like me. Then he started talking in Korean for a long, long time with almost no break or change of tone as if he had prepared it all and was now taking the opportunity to say everything that was on his mind. His tone was neutral and his voice calm, loud and clear. Yet I could see from the intense fire in his unique piercing eye that his intention towards me was anything but friendly. There was then a short silence during which the four others stared at the ground and avoided each other's gaze, speechless and looking ill-at-ease. However, I just stared back at Top and sighed.

"You realize I have absolutely no idea of what you just said, right?"

I still have no idea now. Since I had nothing else to say to them and I felt very tired, I went to my mother's bedroom and locked myself there to comfort myself with my only friend: my laptop, as always.

It's not even their fault. It's mine. I don't know how I could be stupid enough to think this was all a good idea, how I could convince myself to destroy my whole career, my whole life in the click of a finger and believe I could handle all this crap by myself even though I can't even ask for directions after living for a month in a foreign country. I remember Joseph's words: "Actions have consequences. And not all of them lead to a happy ending." He was right. I need him. I miss his wisdom; I miss the warmth of his arms. I miss our sweet home. Damn it. There I am, crying again like a big baby. When the police will find me, I know Joseph and the others will make the public believe I'm crazy. After all, although he was about to shut it all down, I'm the one who stole Jo's work and ran away. I did not even touch the fridge where he kept his black bottle, even I should have! Had I stolen it, I could have brought it to the police. I could have prepared an antidote. Instead, I only thought about the boys. I guess that just makes me a terrible rescuer and a terrible scientist. In any case, all we have to do for now is try to sleep. Or rather wait in the dark.

I know the guys are still up. I hear them whispering in the hallway. They must think I'm asleep. I guess they are preparing their next plan to escape if the police comes here or how to make Top pay for what he did. Or maybe they are just praying. Well, I will pray for them too, just in case.

God have mercy on these poor souls. God have mercy on me. Don't let us die as monsters. Let the world know we are only humans.

Joan 3


	15. Monday May 11th 2015

안녕하세요.

It's been three days since the boys and I escaped from the lab. I should soon be looking for another job if we want to survive financially. Who would have thought being free would cost so much! Tonight has been windy and since the bedroom window is still broken, I have been sleeping in the cold for three nights. Today, I was woken up against my will again. However, this time, it was because of an annoying ringing sound and then, a few minutes later, Seungri's hand shaking my shoulder lightly. When I recognized him and saw he looked worried, I rubbed my eyes and yawned. My throat felt rather sore and I had a light fever. I think it was around 9 o'clock. Some of the boys were still sleeping.

"What is it?" I croaked.

"Phone." he said and pointed at the door.

When I went to the living-room, still in my pajamas, my first reflex was to rush to the interphone and talk to the man (or woman) who had been ringing for so long. Who could it be, so early in the morning? However, I froze when I looked at the little screen of the interphone and recognized the uniforms of a couple policemen. In a microsecond, I remembered Saturday, the memories hitting me like a meteorite. I was tempted by the idea of not picking up the phone at all but eventually did, aware that ignoring it would only delay the inevitable.

"Yoboseyo?" I asked hesitantly.

"Clarke-halmeoni?"

"Neh." I answered, surprised by the female elder honorific, then realized they probably thought they were talking to my mum and decided to play along.

"I'm sorry. I speak a little Korean but not much so please talk slowly."

The policemen then started to explain slowly all about the incident that I already knew about. However, when I asked them details about what happened, they said they had no idea of what the mysterious "mass hysteria" came from and that no witness wanted to talk or hear about it anymore. However, they knew that "my daughter" was related to the incident since she appeared clearly on the recorded videos.

"Did it hit the news?"

For a second, the man who was explaining paused, both of their faces looking a little confused by the urgency in my voice, then they shook their heads. They must have thought I was one of these crazy lonely grannies who do nothing but watch TV all day and get excited when they hear about anything related to them on TV.

"No halmeoni. It didn't. However, we would like to ask you a couple questions about your daughter since she is still missing. She still has to pay for the plasma screens she broke with another boy. They destroyed a lot of them. Can we come in?"

I hesitated. In my back, from the doorframe, I noticed the boys slowly waking up, stretching their arms and yawning.

"I'm sorry, officer." I declared softly. "I know she's missing but she is not here. And I have no idea of where she could be. Tell the agents to send me the bill. I'll pay for the broken screens, don't worry."

"Who is it?" G-Dragon suddenly came from behind me and talked in the microphone as he looked at the screen.

I froze.

"Who is it, Mrs Clarke?" one the policemen asked.

"He is one of my neighbors' grandsons." I lied. "He came to visit me become he knows how worried I am about my daughter."

"Could we talk to him for a moment? We would just like to ask you both basic questions about your daughter: how often she visited you, her friends, her habits, the places she could have possibly gone to…".

"I can't because… she never visited me!" I cut him off sharply. "She never even gave me a single phone-call ever since she arrived here about a month ago. After everything I did for her, no mail, no Skype call, let alone Facebook… Nothing. She has no friends, no places to visit, no habits, she's a complete stranger! Now if you excuse me, officer, I'm going to hang off to have some peace. Show some mercy to an old woman! There's no way I will say one more word about my daughter to anyone before I hear of her by herself first!"

As I finished my last sentence maybe a little too dramatically, I did as I said and hung off, feeling my heart beat at the speed of a shotgun. However, they then rang again and I picked up with shaky hands.

"We are sorry, Mrs. Clarke. We'll do anything we can. Before we leave, some agents from the mall sent the bill to your daughter. But since she is missing, they probably sent it back to you. It must be in your mailbox now if you want to take a look."

They then bowed to the camera and left. Some of the boys applauded at my little outrage scene and I gave them a little smile of complicity. When I went to pick up the mail and came back, as I looked at the numbers at the bottom of the letter, I showed it to the boys and they paled. How much could be worth 2 million and 4 hundred thousand wons? Certainly a lot, I thought. When I converted the numbers in dollars, I almost dropped my computer and fell from my chair. 2178.50 DOLLARS! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! As I tried to survive my heart attack, I also took the opportunity to check the electronic sources of local papers. They did mention "a mysterious brawl starting out of nowhere" but didn't publish any picture since "the tapes had been stolen". By who? I thought. Could it be one of the boys? Or… Did Jo know about it? 2200 dollars. I've never paid so much at once for anything in my life! Plus my mum and Kwan's TV, a new couch and armchairs, the window, plus the food and clothes I'd already bought… Numbers and numbers kept adding in my brain as I stared at the piece of paper. The boys around me were quiet again, looking at the ground with guilty faces. I raised my head and my eyes met Top's who was also staring at me (at this point, it didn't even shock me anymore), his left eye still half closed with a large black ring around the eye-socket. I had no idea if he guilty if he felt guilty as well. I hope he did. In the tense silence, he seemed to be waiting for my reaction, much like the four others whose eyes were now going back and forth between him and me. To his surprise, as I could see, I folded my eyes as I stared back at him.

"You look cute like that." I declared in a calm tone. "You look like a lemur."

When he heard the word, he tilted his head lightly, which made him look even cuter. "

"Lemur"?" he replied, puzzled.

I smiled and, without a word, went to my computer, then showed them the results on Google Image. When the pictures appeared, they all burst out in laughter to the point it almost brought tears to their eyes, except Top of course, who just clenched his fists and teeth and his cheeks reddened with embarrassment and anger. After that, he sulked harder than ever. Since at least I was now in a good mood, I left the boys and walked to the kitchen to prepare lunch. This time, I'd prepared a lot of rice, not only because eating without rice was a no-no in Asia (now I know :D) but because I thought this would do good to the boys' stomachs. During lunch, I could feel Top's intense glare on me, as if he was trying to burn holes in my face. As for me, I just looked back at him, smiling.

"You can watch me all you want because I'll be watching you too from now on. That eye of yours cost me enough!" I said and pointed at his black eye.

I know he understood what I said. Without a word, he just kept glaring until he suddenly lost eye contact with me and collapsed from his chair. The boys and I immediately stood up and I kneeled next to him to check what was wrong with him when the four others suddenly left the room, their chests shaken with spasms. No way! How could it be? I only gave them rice though! There's no way it could have made them sick again! Meanwhile, Top, whose head was on my knees now since I had been looking for any commotion, woke up with surprised and confused eyes. When he saw where he was and then saw me, he wriggled and stood up again before he sat back on his chair, avoiding my gaze. When the boys came back and did the same, there was a long silence during which we all looked at our full plates, including me. Suddenly, GD brought his plate and chopsticks closer to him and picked a small ball of rice which he put in his mouth and chewed with both of his hands on his lips. He finally swallowed, then took a second mouthful and did the same. As the other boys looked at him going, Seungri was the next to follow as he even took a piece of meat from one of the dishes and chewed on it with his eyes shut as if he were crunching spiders. Daesung, Taeyang and even Top, eventually, looked at each other and did the same, struggling with all their might not to vomit it all, disgusted, in distress, sometimes almost crying with reluctance.

"Guys!" I said. "Stop it! 중지! It'll just make you sick again!"

"We want work it out." G-Dragon groaned stubbornly between two mouthfuls, now eating furiously.

The others slowly got in the same state. It's like they were fighting with the content of their plates, turning pale but going on, eating all the pieces one by one, even picking more, swallowing it all with fire in their eyes. It's like they were back in training, defeating adversary after adversary with the same determination. Lunch had become a true tour de force for them. Watching them put so much efforts into vanquishing my rice moved me somehow :P

Since learning requires regularity, we revised our vocabulary and looked for new ones. Everybody did quite well except maybe Daesung who still showed a lot of difficulty understanding and articulating. That idiot keeps smiling all the time to make me forget about punishing him anytime he's not listening So he is basically still at the same level as he was before we escaped. I'm getting desperate T_T Plus I know he is a manipulator since every time I turn my head and focus on the others, he immediately stops smiling and yawns, bored with my lecture. THAT BRAT! Taeyang also has trouble learning but less, and for another dumb reason: every time I try to talk to the poor guy, he keeps avoiding my stare and mumbles shyly when it's his turn to repeat. Taeyang, buddy, a word of advice, never date an American girl :-/

At some point, I sneezed and my nose became runny. There is just so much my body can take, especially now that I sleep in a room like a Swiss cheese When I tried to get up to go get some tissue, Daesung stopped me and made me sit back on the couch. He then touched my shoulder from the tip of his fingers and looked at the others, then typed something on the computer as they looked for the word they had in mind by themselves. When they finally found it on Google Translate, Daesung turned at me and smiled as he said:

"Schver."

I frowned. As there was suddenly a draft and I felt it go through my whole body, I understood and nodded. I was _shivering_. Maybe I was sicker than I thought. However, as he then brought his hands closer to my chest, I sat further away from him, surprised and shocked. What, was he not only a manipulator but a pervert too D: ? He smiled at me before he stuck his hands on the skin of my collarbones and, surprised at first, I then closed my eyes in delight as the heat of his palms went through my body and I found myself breathing better. I didn't even know it had been that bad before I felt it disappear. Actually, it felt so good I was starting to drowse off. Suddenly, all the others came towards us and gathered around Daesung, either touching one of his arms, his legs, or his shoulder, anything they could grab, and clung onto it like cats around a heater. To be honest, anytime he was healing someone, Daesung's skin felt like a warm teddy-bear you want to grasp and not let go. As the boys closed their eyes slowly and sighed happily, I assumed they all knew what I was talking about. Surrounded by so much love from so many people, as it tickled him from all sides, Daesung started to laugh, showing his eye-smile and beautiful white grin at maximum length. That was almost our first group hug there, as they all stuck to Daesung and I was still connected to him by his hands ^^

Suddenly, I felt a little sad inside. I realized that one day, at some point, we would have to say goodbye. That's our goal, actually: to find them their place. I hope it actually turns out their biological parents are all from the same building as my mum so they can be our neighbors forever ^^. Due to his eye that is not supposed to be healed yet, Top was excluded from the hug. I could tell it was pissing him off more than anything, even though he tried to hide it behind his appearance of the cool, tough boy who thinks hugs are for sissies. When I extended a hand towards him and asked him to join us, he got up, took a piece of cardboard from an old package and went to my bedroom. I then heard him fix the window better. When he came back, I smirked.

"I don't know why they called you T.O.P." I said. "They should have called you Cranky pants. Actually, I will. That's your new name from now on, cranky pants."

Even though I make fun of him and am slightly more at ease around him now, I still find his stare a little scary sometimes, enough to remind me of anything he could do when his eye is fully healed.

Now here I am, late at night again, looking through the whole web for any explanation about the boys' condition. Could they really have stomach cancer?! The FIVE of them?! After a while, I gave up and tried to look for more rational reasons through the boys' dossiers. According to the documents, none of them had any preexisting disease before they were "admitted". The only explanation left is the Superman's Blood then. It makes sense: it's been a week since they got their last dosage, plus the change of atmospheric pressure now that they live on the surface, the temperature, the lack of training… I assume their bodies are just going through some kind of detox/readaptation. My theory is that is compensates the dependence by rejecting everything it absorbs that is not SB. I'm glad I had the presence of mind to download the boys' dossiers in my computer. But I'm still mad at myself: doing that wasn't enough! Why didn't I take the black goo?! I should have taken as much products as I could, so maybe I could keep trying to look for an antidote! I'm so stupid! I should have forced Joseph to write down the SB formula! I should have taken a sample from Beast's blood when he was in front of me! I should have

I hear noises.

I went to the living-room but the boys are all asleep, even GD. Maybe one of them fell on the ground in his sleep. I guess we should shop for mattresses next time we go out. I remember Joseph would move in his sleep too and I would think the exact same thing.

Anyway, back to you, journal. Speaking of Joseph, my phone and mailbox are full of his messages. I didn't dare to look at any of them so far. Yet they keep piling up. I know they will be fake love letters full of threats and that he will remind me of the promises we made to make me cry and what a loser I am without him. As I read the titles of his e-mails, since I haven't showed up to him like he had told me to, they were followed by more and more exclamation points with more and more explicit vocabulary. The title of his last message, which dated from today, spelled it out in case I had a doubt: "I WILL KILL YOU". As I tried to erase it, I accidentally opened it and read its content:

 _"My patience has its limits, Joan. If you want me to be the bad guy, I will. I have a bigger experience than you in dealing with secret illegal projects. Do you think it scares us at this point? The team and I have so much blood on our hands yours will be barely visible when I'm done with you. Unless you want me to take care of someone else. Say, sweetheart, how is your mother doing lately? Maybe we should pay her a visit someday, don't you think? Let's say tomorrow?_ _PS: I'm being fair-play by warning you this time. That means you can still stop it all. And you know how._

 _Love._

 _Jo-Jo."_

I can't sleep now. I know Mum is out of town. But if the guys from the lab show up at the apartment, everything will turn out better than they planned! If I call the police, they light arrest me and Joseph will know I'm there for sure. If I don't call the police, neither me nor my old neighbors will prevent them from taking the boys. We need to get out. I must not make the boys panic! Where could I take them all day tomorrow? Obviously, the mall is not an option anymore. Then where? My palms are sweaty. Think! Don't freak out. Don't freak out. Don't

Something weird just happened. He's gone and I'm all alone now but… I have no idea of what went through his mind when he did that. Through my previous paragraph, as I was typing, I saw something in the dark next to my bed and I jumped when I recognized the one standing right behind my screen. It was Top. Needless to say, I was shocked and angry as I stood up and ordered him to get back to the living-room with the others. However, he didn't flinch. I saw he had been crying. He then went closer to me and suddenly took me in his arms.

"I'm sorry." he whispered.

Taken off guard, when I tried to wriggle my way out, he only clung onto me tighter like the others would with Daesung earlier. Did he expect to have the same influence as him on me? Or did he think hugging somebody he touched could still heal his own wounds a little? I can't deny, it did start to feel good after a while as he kept breathing softly with his chin tucked on my shoulder, his chest lifting gently against mine. When I finally hugged him back, I sighed and whispered:

"You're the weirdest of them all, you know that?"

We kept hugging a little longer. Then, without a word, he parted from me and left the room. Now I can see his silhouette from my door, lying on the ground next to Taeyang with his back on me. Yet I don't think he's sleeping. His breathing is not as peaceful as the others'. I have no idea why he acted like that. I never thought Top was the kind of guy who would express regret, let alone so… sensitively. That boy keeps surprising me every day.

Anyway, I'll see where I can take the boys. I need them to pretend to have fun. Maybe we'll decide on the spot. Maybe we'll just go in town and look around so we'll get to know it better! I heard from some colleagues that it had beautiful places I haven't seen yet :3

안녕히 주무세요 3

Joan 3


	16. Tuesday May 12th 2015

I love these guys. They are the best thing that ever happened to me. If they ever come across this journal, I just want them to know that I mean every single word. I am proud of you, boys. Never change.

As we had to go buy some new furniture to replace the broken ones, we looked for shops in town. Of course, since I am broke now and everything was so expensive, we soon went back home empty handed T_T. Yet I was pleased to have the boys stay close to me and to one another all the time, neither running nor touching anything without asking for permission. They particularly kept a close eye on Top who himself did not attempt anything suspicious and followed the group docilely. Of course, his eyes were cold and kept avoiding mine.

Shopping, or rather quasi-shopping, kept us busy all morning. As the sky became overcast with heavy dark grey clouds, I brought the boys back to our district to check the situation from afar: from the corner of the street, I recognized one of the vans from the lab parked on the sidewalk. As she was leaving our building, my neighbor recognized me and greeted me with a smile. She said a man in a suit with an American accent had been waiting for me at my doorstep. When I asked her if she had talked to him, she said he had told her he worked for a local lab and had asked her questions. She had politely informed him that my mother was in Seoul and would be back in a couple days and that however, he could still talk to her daughter and her five friends who were on vacation here. At these words, I tensed. So did the boys. She added that, for a foreigner, he spoke Korean very well and was well-mannered as he then politely bowed to her with a warm smile, saying he didn't want to bother her any longer and that he would be patiently waiting for us to come back.

We said goodbye and she walked away, leaving the six of us standing in circle on the sidewalk, staring at each other. Then the five boys all looked in my direction. I bit my lip as I started thinking. There was no way we could go back to the apartment at all now. Had he called for backups yet? Was he armed? Would he try to force the door and search the apartment? Thank God I had thought about taking my computer with me before we left!

I led our group towards the closest bus stop and looked at the map. Where could we go now?

"Everywhere is an open area." I pointed out, thinking out loud. "If he sends people to look for us, we will not be able to hide in the crowd, this time. We need to go someplace far from the city."

However, if we took the bus, we wouldn't go far and there was a small chance we would encounter familiar faces. I was becoming more and more paranoid with every second D: ! Suddenly, my heart raced when G-Dragon started running away, followed by the others.

"Wait! Where are you going?" I exclaimed and ran fast enough to grab one of them, Daesung, by the shoulder before they accelerated.

However, he smiled and took me by the hand before he started running after the others again, giving me no choice but to run along further and further away from our place. Thank god I was wearing pants and sneakers today. It seems like I'm becoming smarter every day with these guys around -_-'

When they finally stopped, they were barely sweating and I was exhausted with my hands on my knees, my hair falling all over my face, hanging from the bun I had pulled them into this morning, gasping for air like an old accordion. When I raised my head, I was surprised to see that they had brought us at the taxi station we saw this morning at some street during our shopping session. What a memory! I thought. I've been living here for more than a month and even with a map, I get lost all the time T_T.

The boys pulled me towards one of the free cabs, opened its front door and gently pushed me inside. The driver watched us get in, a little surprised as the boys stuffed themselves in the back and told him something so fast I couldn't understand it. The car started instantly, taking us to more unknown streets.

"Where are we going?" I asked and turned my head at the boys who just smiled at me.

After a long drive which led us to the outskirts of the city, I paid the driver and went out of the car. We were at the beach. "MALLIPO BEACH" I read on a sign.

The six of us were now facing the sea, listening to its muffled roar, like the loud murmurs of a sleeping giant, watching the waves come and go on a regular pace. Thanks to the heavy cloudy weather, the beach was empty. It looked like a rather peaceful place. When I walked towards the beach, took my shoes off and put my bare feet in the warm sand, GD, Taeyang and Seungri immediately dashed towards the sea, already barefoot, whooping as they dived in the water fully clothed. However, Seungri soon came back with chattering teeth, shivering.

"M-maybe later." he said, slowly turning blue and shaking since he was soaked from hair to toe.

I gave him a wry smile as I took off my coat and put it on his shoulders. He immediately put his hands in the sleeves and closed the zipper to warm himself before he turned his head at me and smiled gratefully. However, I stepped back when he wrapped his arms around me and tried to kiss me on the cheek.

"Don't even try, maknae-yah!" I warned him and pushed him away, laughing. "As the only one with no power, I thought you wouldn't be so cocky!"

"I don't care." he said and shrugged before adding with an evil smirk. "One day you'll discover that my power is to make you mine."

In response, GD and Taeyang came back and took an arm on each side as they pulled him towards the sea and sunk him with my coat on in the salty water. Needless to say, he soon turned blue again -_- Daesung was sitting next to me, so close we were almost touching, his elbows on his knees, just smiling at his hyungs and dongsaeng, definitely glad to stay on dry land while the others played and tortured each other with the cold water. At some point, he put his head on my shoulder and smiled at me, so close I could feel his fluffy white hair tickle my ear.

"And you," I said. "Don't think I don't know you're not as cute as you look. You showed me what a horrible manipulator you can be. Don't think this'll work again from now on."

Ignoring what I had just said, Daesung's smile widened to a grin, up to the point even his eyelids closed so it looked like his eyes were smiling. I tried to resist but when he chuckled and wrinkled his nose like a baby, I couldn't help but grin as widely as him and giggle.

"God damn it!" I exclaimed and stood up as Daesung exulted and laughed with the boys.

Joseph was right, he WOULD get the world to his feet. Now I know why we can't let him have his way I ignored the boys and approached the sea with my shoes in hand and plunged my feet and the transparent water. It felt good and refreshing. I closed my eyes and sighed before I glanced at the beach behind me. Away from the boys, quiet, Top was sitting alone on the sand, staring at the horizon. I went back to the beach, ignoring the grains of sand getting stuck in my toes (seriously, that sensation is unbearable, especially between the fourth and the fifth one for some reason ) and walked towards him.

"So?" I asked as I sat beside him. "What's on the horizon?" He looked at me, confused, and blinked.

"Nothing. Why?" he asked. I smiled.

"It's an expression. I mean, what's on your mind lately?"

He bowed his head and his expression became dark again.

"Nothing." he said in a low voice.

I should have expected that kind of answer. However, I turned at him and smiled.

"I wanted to tell you… I appreciated the hug last night. I guess I needed it. It was nice of you."

"I know."

He sounded detached, like he didn't care, even though it was the first time I expressed gratefulness to him. It upset me a little.

"Then why do you still pull a face like that?"

"Because that's not the point." he said in an annoyed tone.

There was a small silence between us.

"What point?" I asked.

He didn't answer.

"What is the point?" I repeated more slowly.

He stayed silent again and kept his head bowed. I sighed.

"Another thing you won't tell me about. Whatever." I said and stood up to go join the others.

I bought us Odengs (some kind of fried fish cakes with soy sauce. Yummy :3) from a local vendor and we ate on the wet sand. That is, until rain suddenly started falling and we all hurriedly ate everything on our sticks before we tried to find shelter under the palm trees, which was an unsuccessful attempt. Soon the boys started walking back under the rain, opened their arms and raised their heads to the sky, enjoying the sensation of the dirty water on their faces. How could they do that D: ? Of course, soon enough, I was the only one still reluctant to move from our shelter, since even Daesung and Top had gone out. Suddenly, I was pulled out by force and lifted by six pairs of strong arms as I floated above the ground for a few seconds, rain falling directly on my face and in my nostrils (stingy !) before I saw what they were about to do to me: they were heading towards the sea again. No. Freaking. Way. I squirmed and squealed, begging them not to do what they were about to do but, as they reached the first waves, it was too late and I managed to get rid of my purse before I was thrown head first in the water. When I came back to the surface, I screamed. It was dead cold D: ! Those idiots were going to pay!

And so we went on with our stupid afternoon, fighting like kids in the rain, soaked with seawater and rainwater all the same, covered in sand with no towels to dry ourselves. When the rain stopped, we all lied down on the ground, exhausted, as the others formed the shape of a six-pointed star with me. I took out my phone of my half wet purse and took a picture of us as I stuck out my tongue at the camera and the others made funny faces (at least half of them, half of five… you get my point ), followed by another one on which we just smiled, and finally another one on which we all imitated Top's grumpy face :3

On part of the horizon, the sky suddenly cleared and the sun appeared, shining and spreading its warm bright rays on us as I recognized the shape it created on the surface of the sea:

"A rainbow!" I said.

"Layne-bo?" Taeyang repeated, hesitant.

I pointed at the sky and they all looked at it in awe, sitting up a little to take a better look.

"You see? It has six colors."

"Just like us!" Daesung said in Korean.

"Or us five and Beast."

That was Top's voice. He was still lying on the ground, not looking at the pretty colors. We all stood silent for a while until GD raised his can of coke.

"To Beast! To the seven of us!" he said as we all did the same with our drinks and took a sip.

Then we laid down and remained silent again, just enjoying the warm sun on our faces.

"There's something I wanted to tell you, guys." I heard and realized it was my own voice, almost talking on its own. "Something I wanted to tell you for a long time but now I realize that maybe it's a bit late. But late is better than never, I guess. I realized that, so far, I haven't said "Thank you" yet. To any of you. So… I just wanted to tell you that. 감사합니다. For everything. Thank you, Taeyang, for carrying me when we escaped. Thank you GD, for taking care of that car. And you, Daesung, for healing me, multiple times. Thanks Seungri for protecting me at the mall. And for making me laugh so much. You're silly but it's a cute kind of silly! Don't let that go to his head, guys." I told the others and they chuckled as Seungri pouted.

I thought I was not so good at mushy speeches, especially when they were personal. However, I was glad I could find my words so easily that day. Finally, I sighed.

"And yes, you, even you Top, thank you for the hug. I know it annoys you but I mean it anyway. You're as important to me as the rest of the group. Deal with it, cranky pants."

The others laughed as I closed my eyes and stretched my arms, delighted.

"I love this place. It reminds me of the time my mother would take me to the beach. There I could stay in the water for three hours before she called me to do my homework. After this, I could barely stand 15 minutes straight on that stupid piece of paper! What about you, guys?"I asked hesitantly. "Any remembrances yet?"

I saw the others next to me shake their heads.

"Nope." said G-Dragon.

"Nothing." Taeyang replied.

"Same here." Daesung added.

"무" Top grumbled. (I guess there's no need to translate here -_-) "Well…" We all turned to Seungri who suddenly became silent, probably afraid he was about to say something stupid. "Well?" we asked. "Well, I remembered something a short time ago. My name is not Seungri. It's Seunghyun. Lee Seunghyun. But I prefer Seungri actually." he added cheekily (turns out it means "Victory" in Korean!).

I took out the dossiers I had printed out. Unlike what I thought, they were not that helpful: they were coded in a series of incomprehensible numbers and Korean signs, sometimes one over the other, with nothing readable except the name of the lab and their native cities. I checked on the paper. Of course, there was no way I could verify if he was right or not. However he pointed at the line on the page with his face on it.

"I recognized the signs under the numbers." he said. The others went to look at it and I handed them their papers as well. Fortunately, they all managed to read their signs as well. "My name is Dong Youngbae." Taeyang read and frowned. "I think I heard one of the scientists call me that once! The others were mad at him afterwards." "Kwon Ji-Yong." GD articulated. "Yah, I was born on the 18th of August! Awesome!" From what I understood, the number 8 is considered a lucky charm in Korea, plus it means his sign is the dragon, the coolest sign ever. Good for him ^^ (mine is the goat, no comment ). "I'm also Seunghyun. Choi Seughyun." Top said out loud. "You are? Yah, hyung, that's so cool!" Seungri and tried to hug Top. "Don't you dare." The latter said and glared at him. Poor maknae got officially bullied by all the team members in front of me :P "Kang Dae Sung." Daesung read out loud and smirked. "Close enough."

"Well," I said. "if you guys can remember your names and your age, that's great. It means we can now go to the orphanages around the city and ask about you. Maybe we'll find people in your native cities who remember you!"

"It also means we'll have to say goodbye." Taeyang Youngbae added and everybody went silent.

His words put a chill between us as we all looked at the ground, speechless.

"Yes, we will. You're right." I eventually declared. "But that doesn't mean it's the end of the world. We've got things to do. You got to go back to school and try to make new friends so maybe you'll find a job, be married, have kids… while I got to find a job myself as well as a home, something to start my new life, now that I'll have no more reason to stay when I'm done with you."

"Will you go back to America?" Dae Sung asked sadly.

I looked at him as the others followed his gaze, staring at me, waiting.

"I don't know. Maybe. I guess I miss it a little. But let's not focus on that yet." I said and ruffled his hair. "We're still together, right? And for now, we've got to find a way to find out who you guys really are!"

They all raised their heads and looked at me with a forced smile plastered on their face. Suddenly, my phone rang and I felt my heart in my throat. It was Jo-Jo. I picked it up and slowly brought the phone to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Hi, honey. Where are you? Are you not coming home?" I heard him ask innocently.

"Quit the act, Joseph." I said and realized my voice was feverish. "We know who you really are, now."

"We? Oh, I see, you're talking about the boys!" he went on. "It didn't take long for you to become close, congratulations. So tell me, have you been cheating on me with one of them yet? You know what, don't tell me. It feels weird to imagine you sleeping with one of my experiences. It feels… wrong somehow. And a little incestuous too. I mean, you're my girl and they're my boys! You're like family to me!"

I looked at them and saw they were all listening to our conversation and encouraging me silently to talk back.

"They are not your boys." I replied between. "And I'm not your girl. No matter what you do, I'll never come back. Leave us alone."

"Baby, listen," he said in his deep, warmest voice. "I hate what I'm doing to you too. I never wanted to come to this point. I'm worried about you. I can imagine how exhausting these last days must have been to you. You've always been more of daddy's cute little girl than a super mum, especially now that you're in charge of five grown men like them. They brought you so much trouble already. That's right, I read the news too, and not just their headlines… Nice try for covering it up. " _A for effort_.", like you'd say! Baby, I don't want to fight. I still love you, you know? I want to help you. I mean it. Listen. We can find an arrangement. How about you and I take them back to the lab and, together, we work on a special antidote just for them? Right? If you want to set them free, which I assume is your intention, they don't need their powers anymore then, do they? Plus without their powers, they wouldn't be trouble to us anymore. Wouldn't it be great if they were relieved of that burden? Just like you and I of them? What do you think?"

I turned at the boys once more. Obviously, they did not catch every word and were still struggling with the meaning of some of them. However, when I translated it vaguely to them, they all shook their heads frantically.

I felt my heart flutter in my chest. What if he was right? What if it was the best solution for the six of us? What if he meant it all? What would be the point of lying to us? It would be a win-win deal, right? Most of all, what would he do if I said no?

"Take your time, honey. This is a hard decision, I understand." he said on the other end of the line, covering the impatience in his tone pretty badly.

I hated myself for being so weak. I saw the boys clench their fists and they all gave me a determined look, dancing from one foot to the other like boxers before the first round. I got the message. I nervously put on the speakerphone, swallowed my saliva and took a deep breath.

"No, Joseph." I declared in a clear voice. "I'm afraid you'll have to… consider yourself a single dad from now on… because this is officially a divorce. I'm sorry."

"F*ck you Joseph-Nim!" G-Dragon Jiyong shouted in English at the phone, followed by Youngbae, Dae Sung and Seunhyung-maknae who repeated it and whooped at the top of their lungs; I myself was pretty shocked at how their dirty mouths until I remembered I was the one who taught them 8D

"F*ck you Joseph-Nim!"

"F*ck you Joseph-Nim!"

"F*ck you Joseph-Nim!"

"You'll regret it. This is not the end." I heard Joseph's tone turn ice cold. "By the way, before I forget, thank you for conversing with me for so long. Now that we've localized you, we'll be there soon to pick you up. See you in a few minutes!"

"It's fine." I said automatically. "We'll be waiting for you, all six of us."

I finally hung off. When the phone fell on the sand, my knees were weak and my hands were shaky. The boys cheered on me as loud as they could, taking me by the shoulders and jumping up and down, chanting my name, "Joan-noona". However, I failed to share their joy as I was now moaning and crying like a fountain.

"What are we gonna do?" I exclaimed. "They've localized us! They'll be there in a minute and I said we were gonna kick their asses! How could I say something so stupid? We need to get out of here and fast!" I said and picked up my phone full of sand, which was useless since I didn't know the number of the taxi station. Plus the road behind us was completely desert, no car, no bike, not even a tricyle coming through, which made me weep even louder.

However, as the boys suddenly glanced at each other, GD suddenly walked towards me and raised my chin with his index. Then he brought his other hand to my brown as if he were about to bless me… and flicked his fingers right between my eyes.

"Ow! What was that for?" I exclaimed and brought a hand to my brow as the tears stopped instantly.

This was soon followed by Daesung's flick on the other side of my forehead as he stood right behind GD.

"Ow! Stop it!"

Then it was Taeyang, coming from the right. Then Seungri, from the left.

"Yah, stop! It hurts!"

And finally Top who even did his part of the job three times more as he hit me four times from the front again and I covered my brow with both of my hands, keeping my head low for cover.

"Ok, ok, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm an idiot. Please, no more!" I muttered weakly as I rubbed the spots where their knuckles had hit me. "But still, what are we gonna do? We got to escape. Again!"

Without saying another word, just like they did the first time we met, the boys headed towards the road and Taeyang took me in his arms, making sure I was secure against his chest. Then G-Dragon dashed towards the highway and the others followed. I could see from afar some trucks I recognized as the military trucks from the lab (except they had been painted like commercial trucks) coming from the other side of the road. When they stopped, we were already out of sight.

On the desert grey line with palm trees on the side, leading to the wide horizon of a far away unknown city, the five boys and I ran in line, G-Dragon at the head on full speed, spreading their arms wide like wings of birds flying towards hotter lands. I felt wild by their side. Completely free. As I glanced at the five of them, watching the determination in their eyes as they kept breathing out in steady short breaths with their nostrils wide open and their mouth tight shut, I felt so happy I felt almost like crying and buried my face in Taeyang's shirt (which I noticed made him blush like a tomato XD).

Thank you for the trip, guys. Thank you. Thank you so much. 감사합니다… 감사합니다… 감사합니다... 감사합니다… 감사합니다… 감사합니다… 감사합니다… 감사합니다… 감사합니다… 감사합니다… 감사합니다… 감사합니다 !

조안 – 누나 3


	17. Wednesday 13th May 2015

Hey, journal.

I screwed up. I mean, everything went fine but in the end, I still screwed up. Badly. I still see Seungri young Seunghyun's ***** glare in my mind and I can't find sleep. I wish I could apologize to my favorite panda-maknae but he wouldn't let me even after my fifth attempt that evening.

 ** _*_** _I asked them if I should call them by their first names and they told me they didn't care. As for me, it doesn't make any difference. "What's in a name? A rose is a rose and it still smells good" like someone said. Or something like that o_O_

Last time I wrote, it was early in the morning as we spent the night in the municipal park (the buildings I thought belonged to another city turned out to just be the opposite district of where my mum and her boyfriend live :-/).

However, as they took the occasion to train a little in the park, they managed to teach me a few good close-combat moves before sleep, with Taeyang being the teacher and the others followed. They were all so different then! When Taeyang was in charge, everyone would do as he says and eat humble pie whenever he corrected their moves or called them to order. He himself looked so changed! So serious and methodic! He would even manipulate me like a puppet to correct my position without neither blushing nor looking at his shoes at any moment! That is until I smiled at him and for a second, shy Taeyang was back ^^ In the end, it became my training alone as a few young girls and guys who were passing by encouraged me while I tried to punch Taeyang and he would counter all my moves with one hand behind his back without breaking a sweat. When I finally managed to punch him in the stomach (and almost broke my fingers in the process T_T) I whooped as he grinned, having barely felt a thing yet the small crowd that had gathered around us cheered :D I'll never be scared of walking alone in the streets late at night ever again! Well, a little less scared, at least. I can defeat rats and midgets with my bare hands now :P

Today, when we came back in our district at dusk, Joseph and the militaries were gone, either because they had given up or because they probably started to look suspicious to the neighbors. We entered the building, climbed up the six floors and crashed as soon as we went inside. Again, sounds like a flashback of the first night. The boys had decided to spend that time finishing their night but I chose not to and summed up that beautiful Tuesday on my computer while taking a peek at their exhausted sleepy heads from my door from time to time. They looked so peaceful ^^

However, when they woke up a few hours later, Daesung didn't get up from the couch where he was sleeping. The others tried to taunt him and incite him to get up but when he turned his face and they saw he was awake and breathing weakly, they stopped right away and brought me to the living-room. As I checked on him, his eyes were barely open and his lips were forming words every time he would breathe out. The others said his words were incoherent and that he did not seem to listen to them or even hear them. He was delirious. His teeth were shattering yet, as I touched his brow to check, he did not have a fever. We carried him to my room as I laid him on the bed and covered him with a blanket. There, he stopped mumbling and fell asleep, or rather fainted while lying down. His hands were full of red patches too. Could it be another effect from the SB detox? Should we have called a doctor? As we discussed it together, the interphone rang. I knew that Mum and Kwan were supposed to be back either today or tomorrow so when I heard it, I felt a little nervous knowing that now was the time to explain them how we blew up half of their living-room and the window of their bedroom. But when I looked at the screen, I didn't see anybody and when I picked up the phone, I didn't recognize Mum's voice.

"Joan, it's me. I'm back."

I identified the man's voice immediately.

"Hello, Joseph." I said sternly as he appeared on the little screen.

When they heard the name, the boys arrived and Taeyang looked at the window, gesturing me to approach: the truck was back as well as a couple guards dressed as civilians as they stood there, surveying both sidewalks. However, we could see their weapons on the side of their belts when they turned. Now we were sure there was no way we could bring a doctor.

"How've you been doing since yesterday?"

"Fine, and you?" I said, copying his breezy tone.

"Fine. Just like any single dad in the world." he said and smiled at the camera.

"I'm not giving you the boys back." I cut the act and said in a firm tone.

His smile then turned into a grin.

"Of course. I knew you'd say that… which is why I thought about bringing a surprise for you today!"

As he kept on smiling, he brought his phone out of his pocket and typed a certain combination then brought its screen close to the camera. It was a Skype conversation. The scenery the other phone was filming at was a busy highway with gingko trees on the sides at the exit of a city. The green sign on the side of the road said "SEOUL" in both capital Romanian letters and Korean signs. In front of the sign, four people were standing: two young men in black armed with guns, standing on each side of a couple civilians, an Asian man and a Black woman. One of the young men was holding a newspaper with today's date to the camera and the other one had a digital watch indicating around 9am. Both of the civilians had their hands tied up on the front with plastic bracelets and were gagged and blindfolded with black cloths.

"That's…" I muttered and felt my blood run cold in my veins.

"Of course," Joseph declared enthusiastically, "since you could believe this is recorded, I made sure my "goons" would think about posing next the SEOUL sign with newspapers from today and a watch so you wouldn't be confused. How is it going, guys?" he said to the phone.

"We're good!" the voice of the third man holding the phone said.

"Would you like to say Hello to them?" Joseph asked me.

"Good morning, miss!" the young man exclaimed. "Your mum says hi!"

His joke was followed by sneers from both guards.

"Guys, don't be so vulgar." Joseph commanded them coldly through the phone and they stopped laughing. "You're talking my girlfriend's mother!"

"This isn't my mother." I declared looking at her from head to toe.

I refused to believe it was her. Although both my mother and the person who was being filmed had a similar corpulence, both hostages were filmed from quite a distance, about 6 or 7 feet away from the camera. Plus since they were so covered, of course they could like anybody. Who wouldn't in these circumstances?

"You hid half of her face. I don't recognize her. Whoever these people are, let them go!" I ordered. "They have nothing to do with this!"

"Do they? Would you like me to put you through to one of them, just in case?" Joseph asked. I hesitated.

"Yes, please. Let me talk to her." I declared sternly.

"No problem. Guys, did you hear?"

"Right away, boss." The man with the camera came closer to the woman on the left and, as they took of her gag, I saw her lips were trembling.

However, they brought the phone to her ear so I couldn't see her face anymore.

"Baby? Is that you?"

Her voice was low and shaking with fear. However, her intonations were pretty similar to Mum's.

"Miss," I asked calmly. "are you okay? Did they hurt you?"

"Where are you? Tell me what's going on, baby!"

Through the interferences of the phone, her commanding voice also sounded the same. Could it really be my mum after all? Was my biggest fear coming true?

"Mum, it's okay. It has nothing to do with you. I'll tell you all. But first, we'll get you out of this!" I assured her.

"Baby, help us please! I don't wanna die!" she suddenly started to choke and her voice was interrupted by sobs.

I could hear the man next to her cry too through his gag too.

"It's okay, mum. Don't panic! Please, don't cry! I'm so sorry I got you into this! It's all my fault. But I'll get you out of this! I promise! Don't…"

The man suddenly hung off and I faced Joseph through the screen of the interphone again.

"I guess you can imagine how it goes from this point on: let me help you bring these five things back to the lab and let's work FOR THEM, need I remind you, together again… or let an accident happen to the woman who brought you into the world. Time is ticking and I will not give you all day. Make it quick."

When the boys saw me petrified, they asked me what was going on and I tried to translate them all again but I was suddenly interrupted by Joseph's clear fluent Korean followed by a long silence as I hung up. In the meantime, Joseph stood there, leaning on one of the walls with a book and greeted a mum and her kid casually while they entered the building. Now it was all between me, GD, Taeyang, Seungri and Top. G-Dragon was the first to start:

"I don't think this is real. She said her mother would be back from Seoul tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah, but she might have been on her way back this morning." Taeyang said.

"So what?" GD asked."They could still be actors! Anyone can film themselves in front of a sign and make somebody cry. After all, a lot of people worked in the lab, including people who looked like these two!"

"But what if they were not actors? What if the woman really was Joan's mom?" Taeyang asked. "We can't have her killed to save us. She barely knows who we are!"

"I'm not going back there." Seungri whispered, staring at the floor. "I'll never go back there. Never again."

The four of us stood there and there was a small silence during which I let my tears fall on the ground. I hid my head in my hands to prevent them from falling even more.

"You're right. You are all right, guys. Then what should I do?"

As I tried to wipe my tears and keep my eyes dry, I saw G-Dragon glare at Top who was sitting on a chair with his arms crossed, staring at something on the wall we couldn't see.

"Yah, hyung! Do you mind helping us here? We're trying to figure something out together!"

"I never said you weren't."

Infuriated by his detached tone, GD's eyes glowed with a dangerous light.

"You know…" he started. "You've been pretty useless these last days. I hope you're aware of that. Ever since your fit at the mall, all you've been doing is saying nothing, doing nothing and let us do all the job. Just like the old days… You might be the oldest, hyung, but you're definitely the most useless of us all!"

"You're getting annoying, Jiyong." Top simply replied.

In the blink of an eye, G-Dragon lunged himself at his elder and was stopped just in time by Taeyang, although he struggled pretty strongly in his arms.

"Don't you dare call me that!" he yelled at him. "Don't you ever call me by my first name! I'll never allow you to!"

"Enough!" I shouted at them.

As I heard a voice calling my name, I went to the bedroom and saw Daesung was still asleep, shaking his head left and right frantically. He had been calling me in a nightmare.

"It's okay, Daesung. I'm here." I said and held his eczematous hand.

When he calmed down, his hand became numb and I let go of it as the room became quiet again. G-Dragon had followed me and was now standing next to me, watching him sleep.

"We can't take let them take him. If they see him like this, maybe they'll kill him. Maybe he'll die on the way to the lab."

"I know." I took my head in my hands and let go of my tears again."But I still don't know what's wrong with him. I don't know how to cure any of you guys. I can't. I can't…"

As painful as it was, the solution was clear to me. When I ran back to the entrance and was about to pick up the phone again, Seungri grabbed my wrist and made me turn at him.

"Don't. Please." he said in a low voice, looking at me.

For the first time, instead of sad puppy-dog's eyes, he watched me with serious, scared, pleading ones.

"They're gonna kill my mum!" I said through my sobs. "I can't let that happen. Don't worry, Joseph and I will help you. It's gonna be fine, I swear!"

As I tried to reassure him, he walked away, barely listening to me anymore. He obviously did not believe me. To be honest, I'm not sure I believed my own words either. As I picked up the phone and opened my mouth to tell my answer, I was suddenly pushed to the side by Top as he hung up the receiver.

"Don't move." he ordered the boys as he stared at each of them and opened the door.

When I saw the boys literally frozen in place, struggling to move, I realized they had been hypnotized. I hadn't noticed Top's black eye was now fully healed! So I ran after him in the hallway, trying to bring him back inside.

"Stop it! I said stop! Don't go! If you kill them, my mum is dead for sure! Please, stop!" I screamed and tried to pull him by the shoulder.

However, he just shrugged my hands off, never looking back at me once and kept walking straightforward like a robot towards the elevator. When I tried to get in with him, he pushed me out with both hands as the door closed on him. I then ran down the stairs, panicked, so fast I almost fell a couple times. My head was buzzing with questions. Could I arrive in time to stop him? How could he think hurting Joseph would help my mum? Unless he was just trying to escape on his own? That was impossible! He would be caught in a second unless he could hypnotize them all at once! For that matter, why didn't he try to hypnotize me to stop me this time? When I finally arrived, I heard the sound of male voices roaring with laughter, so loud it startled me at first. As I walked further towards the main entrance, I then saw the guards laughing at Top who was just standing still in front of them, staring at their faces, never blinking once. Joseph was also there, horrified, his eyes widening more and more with every second. I looked at him confused and, when I tried to reach him, Top stopped me with a gesture of his hand without breaking eye-contact with the three of them.

"Oh my God! Mum, I'm so sorry! I didn't know you lived here! Guys, why didn't you tell me we were threatening my mother all this time? Mum, it's okay, don't cry." he said as he rushed towards Top and hugged him very gently like a very old person. "It's all just a prank, don't worry! Here, let me show you," he said and called a number.

"Hello?" I heard the voice of the man behind the camera ask.

"It's me." Joseph's voice became cold again. "Can you call me by Skype? I want to see how everybody's doing."

"Sure."

The man hung off and a few seconds later, Skype was on again. As I managed to glance at it, I saw the same four people than before, now standing next to a car at a gas station, talking, eating snacks and smoking cigarettes. The Asian man and the Black woman, looking now slimmer and younger, waved at the man's camera, smiling. A bag of cushions and wigs was standing next to the woman's feet.

"You see?" Joseph told Top and hung off. "Don't worry, we'll go now. Say hi to your nurse for me! Hello doggie!" he said as he passed next to me and ruffled my hair.

I watched everybody leave, confused, as they got back in their vehicles and drove away. When we were alone again, I blinked and looked at Top.

"Call your mother." he said.

I was so flabbergasted I had turned brainless. So when he gave me that order, I obeyed robotically. When I heard my mum's voice however, I quickly came back to my senses.

"Mum? Is that you? Where are you? How is Kwan? Are you at the clinic? Are you okay?"

"Wow, Joan, slow down! Jeez, I don't understand a word you're saying!" Mum whined. "What the heck are you talking about? Of course I'm at the clinic! Where else could I be?"

I felt tears well up in my eyes.

"Are you okay?"

"Of course, I'm okay! And so is Kwan. Why are you asking me? What's going on? What did you do?"

Listening to her annoyed tone, I let tears fall and smiled.

"Nothing. Everything is fine, mum! I just wanted to know how you've been doing since last time!"

"Well, as you can hear, I'm okay. Even though I'm still waiting for your call and not just three words on an answering machine! Kwan and I'll be back tomorrow. I hope you and your friends didn't set fire to the apartment!"

At these words, I couldn't help but laugh.

"Baby? Is everything okay?" she asked, worried.

"Yes. It's okay. Everything is okay, mum! We're okay!" I exclaimed joyfully.

"Good…" she replied, although I could tell she was not convinced.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow, then-"

"Mum…"

"Yes?"

I took a deep breath. I had no idea what I was about to tell her but for some reason, whatever it was, I knew I had to tell her this instant:

"I know we didn't get along much because of each other's choices. You know, your departure to Korea, me and Joseph… Nevertheless, I just wanted to tell you that… I love you, mum. I love you so much!"

"Aw, is that why you're crying? I love you too! How could you believe the opposite, silly? You know you will always be my baby girl, no matter what choice you make in life! Now, now, dry your eyes and hang up with a smile, okay? I'll see you tomorrow, baby!"

"Bye, mummy."

After I hang up, I got up the stairs again without waiting for Top. Joy was giving me wings! When I arrived at the apartment, even though I was exhausted, I still ran towards the boys who had just unfrozen and hugged GD and Taeyang at the same time (almost strangling them in the process :3).

"You were right! It was all a set-up! Jo is gone and Mum will be back tomorrow!"

"We know." GD said when we parted and pointed at what Top had been staring at on the wall, which was the calendar with the big black cross on Thursday.

"It was in front of us this whole time."

When Top arrived by the elevator in my back, he remained expressionless when our eyes met.

"You're welcome." he said in a neutral tone.

Feeling overwhelmed with gratitude, I threw caution to the wind and held him tight in my arms, planting a big smooch on his cheek in the process.

"Thank you so much." I whispered against his ear, not caring that he didn't hug me back.

Yet when I parted from him, I realized his breathing had fastened a little and his black piercing eyes were staring intensely at mine. I suddenly felt extremely embarrassed as the blood rose to my cheeks and I looked down at the ground, feeling my heart flutter for no reason.

"I guess I also owe apologies to my hyung." G-Dragon said and smirked.

"That's alright. I always know what to say to piss you off at maximum." Top replied and smiled.

I hadn't seen Top smile in a while. Actually, I think it was even the first time I did. I was glad and relieved to know that he had teeth like the rest of us :).

However, not everybody was smiling. Seungri stood in the back, leaning against a wall. If his eyes could throw daggers, I would be dead by now. Not that I don't understand why he's so mad at me. I mean, without Top, he would be sleeping in his cell tonight! When we heard Daesung's voice, we all rushed to the bedroom and saw him awake, sitting on his bed. Even his hands were healed. He told us he had a nightmare, which always happens when he goes to bed angry. When we asked him why he was angry, he bowed his head.

"It's because of what Joan-noona said, about going back to school and saying goodbye. I hated her because of what she said and I hated myself for hating her. Yet she kept saying all these things I didn't want to hear about starting a new life. I don't want to start a new life. I like my life as it is! I want it to last forever, with all of you by my side. I don't want to say goodbye. To any of you. Ever." he said and his voice became weaker and weaker as he kept talking, bringing his knees to his chest as if he were suddenly very cold.

At this moment, as we were all standing /sitting around him, when we looked at each other, we felt pretty moved and all bear hugged him at the same time, which turned into a surprise group hug as he happily gave in and smiled his happy smile again.

"Daedae," I said. "It's time you learn the difference in English between "goodbye" and "farewell". Because there's no way I'm letting any of you go until you know the difference by heart!"

This time, Seungri was the only one to not participate to the hug. Standing at the door with his arms crossed, he kept glaring at me then turned his back and went to the living-room where he laid on the couch and pretended to sleep for the rest of the day. This time, no-one dared to disturb him.

It's nighttime and I still can't sleep. I'll go make some infusion to see if it helps.

Great, now I can sleep even less. Why does s#!t like that always happen at night? I got to be ready for tomorrow though :-/. After all, my mum is coming and we still haven't replaced anything in her home! It's 1 in the morning. I guess I still have plenty of time to sum up what the f*¤k happened just now:

As I went through the living-room to go to the kitchen, I saw a shadow sitting in the dark before the window. When I came closer, I recognized Top, his eyes glowing in the dark like a feline's. I went to the kitchen and came back next to him as I took a chair and handed him a hot cup.

"Can't sleep either?"

He didn't answer and put his cup down as soon as he had it in his hands. I ignored it and sat down, seeping slowly on mine as we watched the city lights.

"I've never seen you fall asleep anyway. And here I was starting to think you're a bit human this morning!"

I whispered with a wry smile.

"I don't want to talk."

I sighed.

"Surprise, surprise… Well, you can still listen, then." I started and took a deep breath. "I know you don't like me very much. To be honest, I don't like you either. But I just wanted to thank you again for what you did. You saved me. You saved us all."

Of course, he didn't reply.

"I wish Seungri could understand that." I went on sadly. "But I guess what I did was truly unforgivable. He trusted me with his life and I betrayed him."

"It wasn't betrayal." Top suddenly declared. "You tried to protect the one you cared the most about."

I looked at him a little distrustful.

"That doesn't mean I don't care a lot about you, guys!"

"I know. Some of us will still count more than others," Top replied, thoughtful. "starting with mothers."

The way he said that simple truth was so clear and so honest, there was no way I could keep on justifying myself.

"They do." I admitted sheepishly. "Even though I can't let you make me say that you're not important to me, I'm glad to see you are that comprehensive. I guess you're not an arrogant ass after all. Actually," I said and frowned. "there's something I wanted to ask you for a long time…" Top turned towards me with a questioning look.

"Is it about when I collapsed during lunch because I tried to hypnotize you with just one eye?"

"No, it's not that- oh my God, you were?!" I almost exclaimed. "I can't believe it! Thank you, SB detox, then! You really ARE an ass!"

He grinned at that statement. I'm starting to like that smile more and more.

"I'm kidding (oh, are you o_O?). It's about what I told you at the mall, isn't it?"

"Yes."

He paused, obviously selecting his words with great caution.

"First of all, of all the things I said, the first half basically meant "F you"."

I chuckled.

"I knew it!"

"Second, the other half meant…" he went on more slowly. "…that you were lucky you saved us. Otherwise I would have crushed your bones with my bare hands like a porcelain doll a long time ago."

He paused again, probably regretting it already.

"Is that why the others looked so shocked?" I asked.

"No. That's when I said that I would not have been the only one to do that. And that since the others were craving for a free exit ticket and a free home, we decided to let you live a little longer."

As he was done, there was a sudden awkward silence between us. I frowned.

"So the others thought you were telling the truth?"

"That's what we would talk about without you." he confessed. "It's not that we hated you but we were desperate back then. We would have done anything to survive. Besides, ever since we first saw you, we thought you looked and sounded ridiculous: so noisy, so weak, so fragile… We could not believe we let you scream at us like that even though we could snap your neck anytime."

"Snap my neck?" I repeated and raised an eyebrow.

Top smirked.

"Ok, maybe that part was just me. But since the others replied they would snap my neck first, I shut up and went with the flow."

I giggled at it then became a little more thoughtful.

"You're partly right, though. I guess I am that _fragile_."

"That's what I thought at first. But then I realized I was wrong. You are much stronger than you seem."

"You can't be serious, Top." I declared in a direct tone. "I almost sold you this morning!"

"Well," he shrugged and gave me a wry smile. "I wouldn't sell anybody's mother for an ass like me."

I forced myself to smile at it. In the dim light filtering through the window from the outside, his eyes suddenly darkened and he stared at me as if he could look into my soul.

"But maybe I would give ten times more for a girl like you." he murmured softly.

As our chairs were very close to one another, I saw him lean forward and, as our faces became closer and closer to one another, I felt my heart pound like crazy in my chest. I suddenly remembered the feeling I had in the bathroom the day he tricked me and I felt myself blush. However, when there was less than an inch between our mouths, I moved my head back.

"Is this another one of your illusions?" I asked in a low voice.

However, he cupped my face and closed his eyes as he brought me closer again. We finally kissed and I felt the whole world disappear around us. His lips, his skin were more eloquent than any word he could have said. I could feel his pleasure, his desire, his care… However, as he lowered his hands to my hips and slipped his tongue in my mouth, I pushed him lightly to make him move back, parted from him and bowed my head, waiting for my heavy breathing to calm down.

"This isn't… I don't think we should. This isn't right."

Although he tried to reach me again, I kept my arms extended between us and he let go of me with a sad look.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

"I see." he said and sounded resigned. "Good night."

He then slowly got up and walked towards the couch on which he laid down next to Seungri and turned his back on me. I took both of our cups, still full and cold, and brought them back to the kitchen. Then, as I felt remorseful, I went to the closet, took a blanket and put it on Top's shoulders, just like he did to me the first night we arrived (I'm sure it was him now). However, as I then walked to my bedroom, I jumped when I felt someone grab my arm and saw it was G-Dragon who was still awake.

"Why did you do it?" he whispered. "Why didn't you say you love him too?"

I looked at him in the dark, hoping the others wouldn't hear us.

"I think this is none of your business. But if you really want to know" I said as he didn't let go of me, "let's just say that it's because… well, you're the boys and I'm the noona. That's it."

"Are you thinking about Joseph's words? About you sleeping with one of us?" he asked me and I bit my lips.

"Good night, GD." I said and managed to free myself from his grip.

I locked myself to make sure nobody would come into my room tonight. As I'm typing, I'm not sure if I want to cry or pat myself in the back for what I did. I think I did the right thing though. Top and the others don't have any memory of anybody else but the team from the lab and me so their judgment is still pretty limited in many fields in term of beauty and affection, obviously. Besides, what would our life be like? Me, preventing him from killing people while we're on dates? Tell him not to threaten his future boss? I wouldn't mind providing for the both of us if he can't find a job. But then, would I let him take care of our children? Take them to school? Teach them the right things like expressing themselves instead of keeping it all in? Make friends? What if he regretted to be with me? What if he felt locked up with me? What if he was tired of me treating him as a child?

Does he even want children? I know I want some. I want two, or maybe three. Joseph didn't want to have kids, which I didn't mind because I loved him. But I'm 27. My mum had me when she was 25. I know I still got plenty of time to think about it, especially in 2015, with new technology and stuff but… I'm not eternal. Time is ticking away. I heard about the risks the more you wait. I love the boys with all my might. But they should know they are not the only things I'm thinking about.

Silly me! Why do I even think about that now? Typical me! Just one kiss and I'm already thinking about marriage, kids, house on the countryside… Good thing we didn't fully make out O_o! It's just a kiss. And I said we weren't meant to be. Moving on.

My mum left me a message. She'll be here at 11 am. I got to remember that.

Joan 3


	18. Thursday May 14th 2015

안녕하세요 journal !

Mum is baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack :D !

I'm so glad she and Kwan are here! Even though, I must admit, the day didn't start so well. Especially because of me, to be honest :3

I was so nervous at the idea of not waking up early enough, when I actually woke up, everyone was still sleeping and I saw that it was 6 am. So I fell asleep again, certain that I would only sleep for a few more minutes. When I woke up again, it was 10:30 D: ! I deactivated my alarm clock when I checked the time (f¤c#!ng digital screen, so slippery )! Suddenly, it felt like hours were minutes and minutes were seconds! I trumpeted throughout the living-room for everybody to wake up and started running in all directions. There was so much to do O_O! Brush my hair, do the dishes, tidy up the living-room, clean the kitchen, clean the windows, vacuum everywhere, have everyone take a bath (not as easy as it sounds )…

At first, the boys were not so glad to be woken up so abruptly and so early in the morning (please define "early" GD -_-). Some of them even went back to sleep. Thank God Taeyang helped me to make everybody "GET UP" as he lifted them all one by one like feathers and made them stand up before I shoved dust rags and cleaning products in their hands. At first, they tried to grumble and whine but as I ran everywhere and shouted orders in the face of those who just stood there yawning, their mouths instantly closed, their eyes snapped open and they all started running everywhere as well. 30 minutes and a quasi-heart attack later, everything and everybody was nice and clean, waiting quietly in the living room. When I received a message that Kwan and Mum would be about an hour late because of the traffic, since I had put them on speaker, I hung up and, without a word, took my purse to go to the grocery store with my head bowed, ignoring as much as I could the collective glares towards me. Not my fault, guys

When Mum and Kwan arrived, lunch was ready. Mum and I hugged. It was so weird to see her after all this time; I felt like I hadn't seen her in decades! She had a little more wrinkles around her eyes than before but she was also slimmer and dressed in a more Asian style. It felt good to smell her scent of cheap perfume when I hugged her. It was the same as before. As for Kwan, he hadn't changed much. But to be honest, I never really paid attention to his appearance. He was still bald with grey hair on the sides, still a little stunted and still shorter than me with an awkward nervous smile on his face. Although I used to despise him, it felt good to see him too.

The introduction of the boys to them both and vice-versa was a little more difficult since I realized I hadn't taught the boys how to introduce themselves the western way. However, my mum politely bowed at them and greeted them in perfectly fluent Korean. Seriously, am I the only one in the universe who doesn't speak that darn language properly T_T ?

I hesitated to introduce them by their "normal" names but when I glanced at the living-room, I knew there was no way I could find a rational explanation about how five "normal" boys could have done that to my mum's boyfriend's home. When he saw the damages and how empty his living-room suddenly was, I thought Kwan was going to have a stroke as his mouth opened wide like a fish's and he grabbed my mum's arm to steady himself! When Mum asked me to tell her what happened, I couldn't lie facing her worried piercing eyes and her loud clear voice in spite of the fact that she was smaller than me (1,51 meters -_-). I blushed like a little girl and confessed that the boys did it. Kwan's wide eyes darkened and he glared at my mum before talking to her really fast and angrily in Korean as she tried to calm him down (judging by the gestures of her hands and her quiet yet firm tone. I could not understand a word she was saying ).

To my surprise, Taeyang abruptly prostrated himself at their feet and deeply apologized for the damages in "ahjussi" and "ahjumma's" home and that he was the only to blame because he fought with the boys. He added that he started the fight so I was in no way responsible and that, since he could neither pay the window nor any of the furniture back with money, he'd do whatever it takes to pay his debt to them in the future, even if it meant paying it with his life.

Kwan and Mum looked down at him and stood silent for a minute before Mum suddenly burst out in laughter. I forgot how loud her laugh was :D It's even louder than mine :-)) ! She then took Taeyang's hand, helped him stand up and dust him as she explained that there was no need to go that far. She told him that he did well to tell them the truth and they would fix the window and buy a new TV themselves. When Kwan tried to protest, she turned at him and told him in English:

"What? You've been complaining for years that that TV was too old and you wanted to buy a new one but you were too lazy to do it!"

She then went to the closet and took sheets which she used to cover the shredded couch and armchairs.

"And the coffee table?" her boyfriend asked in a thick Korean accent with his fists on his hips.

Mum shrugged as she tucked the corners of the sheets under the cushions.

"I hate coffee anyway."

I laughed. There I knew she hadn't changed at all: unlike me, she'd always focus on the bright side of situations even when her arguments would make no sense to anyone but her :D !

We sat down around the table and had lunch. However, this time around, I didn't have much to offer for the eight of us except kimchi and instant noodles :-/ . We passed the electric kettle from hand to hand as we poured the boiling water in our plastic bowls and ate in awkward silence. From the corner of my eye, I saw the boys grimace while they ate. Yet they kept their mouths shut and stood in their place. How brave of them!

For dessert, we had 메떡 which I bought knowing it was Mum's favorite pastry. I like it too but, oh my, these rice cakes stuffed with red beans are so thick I was stuffed and almost choked after eating just one of them O_O!

While we drank coffee (well, tea for Mum and I since we don't like it :P), as she was sitting in front of me, she finally took my hand across the table and looked me in the eyes.

"So tell me what happened. Unless you prefer we talk in private?"

"Actually…" I started and looked at the boys.

I met the eyes of Top and G-Dragon, then Taeyang, then Daesung… Seungri was still avoiding my gaze.

"The choice is yours." G-Dragon said, aware of my inner dilemma. Top himself bowed his head and I could tell it was his way of telling me he wouldn't intend to hypnotize either of them.

I bit my lip. I knew that if I told them the truth, my mum and her boyfriend would probably be in danger. Yet I felt guilty at the idea of lying to Mum now that I had finally reconciled with her. And they helped us so much!

Mum caught GD's words, turned towards Kwan and whispered something. As he got up, I raised my hand to stop him.

"No, mum, it's okay. He can stay." I said.

After all, since we destroyed HIS apartment, he had the right to know what happened, whatever version I would decide on.

Kwan and Mum were now sitting with their elbows on the table, leaning towards me, focused, their black eyes staring attentively at mine. However, as I still felt everyone's stare on me, I sighed.

"Actually… I'm glad you guys are sitting down because it's gonna take quite some time. "

And so I told them everything. From beginning to end. Along my story, I saw my interlocutors' expression change, from surprised to very serious, frowning then raising their eyebrows before frowning again. I was hoping deep inside that they didn't think I was making up a lame story to not reimburse them. The boys' faces changed too. As they remembered it all along with me, they went from very scared to sad to happy… They laughed when I talked about Seungri's couch accident and became very serious when I mentioned Beast's death. Of course, I willingly omitted some details like when Top and I kissed or how I almost drowned in the bathroom because I drooled like a 16-year-old in front of his bare chest .

When I was done with my story, both Mum and Kwan remained silent, looking down at the table, thoughtful.

"What about Joseph?" Mum eventually said.

"No sign of him. I have no idea of what he is doing. But I told him that next time, I and the boys would be waiting for him. And we will." I said, looking at the boys and they nodded.

"So you never called the police?"

"No. I didn't. Sorry I lied to you."

Kwan suddenly said something and Mum turned vivaciously at him.

"No, we can't call them, you 바보야! She just told us she can't because then they will ask about the boys' identity!"

"They have names though, civilian names. She said it herself." Kwan replied. "Now they have to ask around who knows them and where they come from to see if they can find relatives who can take care of them."

"That's what we intend to do." I explained him. "They picked children from orphanages in different cities around Pyeongtaek. I guess seeing employees from the same agency pick kids at the same orphanage ten times in a row may seem a little too suspicious. The orphanages they come from are all located in cities around Pyeongtaek and Seoul. We will go to each of them one by one and ask about them, starting tomorrow." I said and looked at the boys.

Top and Seungri avoided my gaze while Mum nodded quietly.

"Do you have a ride?" she asked.

"No. But don't worry, we'll take the bus and then maybe take a cab."

"A cab? Are you crazy?" Mum exclaimed. "Do you know how expansive it is? It's out of question! Take my car!"

"Mum, it's okay. You guys already did a lot for us. I don't think-"

"You see?" Mum said and turned towards Kwan. "She's always been like this! Always putting herself in impossible situations and then going "It's okay, I got it, don't worry"! She's gonna drive me nuts!"

"Hey! I'm still here!"

I hate when she talks about me on the third person! And she knows I hate it She then turned towards the boys and talked to them for a long time in Korean. They suddenly burst out in laughter. I turned towards her, confused, and asked her what she had told them.

"Well, basically, I explained to them how impossible it was to not worry about you. Me? Not worry? You bet! I was always worried to death when you would call me in the middle of the night, crying: "Mummy! Jo had a bad day, he screamed at me again! Mummy! Why isn't Jo calling? He said he would call! Mummy! I love Jo so much but he is so mean to me!" she said and imitated me in a high-pitched, whiny voice, which made the boys laugh even harder, even Seungri. Jeez, guys, thanks for the support -_-

"Wha…?" I felt my cheeks redden. "Don't talk to them about our conversations! It's private!"

"So what? They are your friends, aren't they?'

"Mum!"

"Mummy! Mummy!" Seungri imitated my mum's nagging tone in English.

"Shut up, Seungri!"

"And now she's screaming at her friends!"

"Mum!"

"And she's screaming at me! Her mother! Kwan, do something!"

As Kwan had barely followed the conversation in English of the two mountains of loudness in front of him, he just sat there quietly, smiled sheepishly at the both of us and shrugged at his girlfriend. It's no hard to guess who always wins when they argue -_-

"Not speak English." Kwan justified himself with an exaggerated Korean accent.

"Yes, you do! Liar!" Mum replied and tapped him playfully on the shoulder before she turned at me again. "Anyway, I said you could take my car if you wanted. So you will take it! Period!"

"But Mum…! Fine." I grunted, feeling a small wave of guilt overwhelm me.

"Good!" Mum exclaimed, satisfied, and got up. "Now, help me clear the table. Kwan and I need new furniture so we're going to the flea-market together!"

And since none of us was strong enough to contradict her, we did. The boys couldn't care less, no matter how long I would stare at them with puppy-dog eyes T_T I even suspect them to have enjoyed my afternoon of torture either to make me pay for getting them out of bed this morning or just because they liked my mother. She's always been a magnet for people in spite of making them do what they want. Especially me!

Seungri in particular seemed to enjoy her company as they stayed close together during our walk at the flea market between two negotiations with sellers (Kwan found a cute white round coffee table and Mum managed to get it for 90 000 won instead of 250 000. Go mum :P). She told him everything: the first time I took the train at 12 to visit her and managed to end up in Baltimore instead, the time I got lost in a mall at 17 and ended up crying in the arms of a giant squirrel mascot in front of 150 people, the time I was the first of my promotion at 21 and was so nervous I ended up tripping on my uniform and showing my panties to the whole university (oh yeah, she even told him that -_- … thanks for reminding me that I had a hard time staying incognito the following year ).

When our little shopping session ended, as Kwan and the boys were making small talk on our way back home, Mum and I stayed behind them to chat, just like the old times.

"I can't believe they're supposed to have spent a decade underground. They act so normal!"

Mum said as we observed them.

"Well, it's been a week. A loooooong week." I replied.

She smirked.

"I guess, since you rescued them, you're kind of a heroin to these boys, huh?"

"Well… I don't have super powers like them. I wish I had though!" I replied with a smirk.

Mum turned at me and smiled.

"My little baby girl…" she whispered as she put a strand of my hair behind my ear.

"Mum, don't call me that in public!"

"I can't believe you actually did all the things you told us. You've always been more like your father. So careful, so shy… And maybe a little too naïve."

"Er… thanks?"

"But you've also been as generous and a hard-worker as him. You've accomplished a lot since you left home so I'm only partly surprised you managed to do all that by yourself."

I followed her gaze and saw she was looking at the boys again.

"I guess you guys will say goodbye, then?"

"I guess so."

"You will miss them, won't you?"

"Yeah." I said and sighed.

"I can tell. I barely know them and yet I've grown attached so much to them already. I guess I'll miss them too!"

"We'll miss you too, ahjumma!" Seungri said in English as he appeared right by her side.

In response, she put her small arm around his high shoulder and pinched his cheek.

"I'm gonna miss you most of all, big guy! I'm sure you'll have a lot of success with girls, wherever you go! Especially if you speak English so well to them!"

"You can thank your pretty daughter for that." Seungri replied and went by my side as he eyed me with a smirk.

"Watch your step, maknae." I replied as he ended up hitting Kwan from behind and, when Kwan turned to see who it was, Seungri was hit in the head by one foot of the coffee table he was carrying. When he rejoined the other boys, rubbing his head and whining, they smiled at him and G-Dragon put an arm around his shoulder as he then started bragging about how he was my mum's favorite. GD then turned his head at Mum and me and gave me a wry smile which I returned.

"You've changed. You're more confident, now." Mum said as she caught that exchange. "I'm glad you finally left Joseph, even if it's under these circumstances… You can finally stand for yourself!"

"And I can't wait to see what else my new me can do in the future." I said proudly.

Before we said good night, Mum made them all sign some kind of guestbook she and Kwan bought and, as they still have trouble writing, they left either drawings or short notes like "Thanks!" and "Kamsahabnida!" etc. GD was the most inventive as he drew a portrait of all of us riding a huge comet and entitled it: "You and me was like the Big Bang!" I didn't know he drew so well O_O.

Since it would probably be the last night the six of them would spend together at my mum's home, I settled with them in the living-room and we spent a lot of time talking in the dark. Seungri was the most talkative of course, as he kept talking about how cool Mum was and that she was the grandma he never had and how he promised her he would try to visit her and Kwan once in a while and he thanked me and he was sorry because now he understood me... I told him I was just glad to hear him sound so enthusiastic again ^^. When the boys asked if he was frustrated to have not found his power yet, he said he didn't care because now he felt like he had a family somewhere, which was more important to him than superpowers. For all I know, I think he meant it J

I wished I could have found the time to talk to Top today. He was the first to fall asleep and didn't say a word all day nor did he try to talk to me tonight no matter how long I waited. I've just been staring at his back for the last two hours, typing to occupy my mind but he won't move. On Mum's guestbook, he just left a big black X even though I know he writes well. I hate that. I don't want us to separate mad at each other. We'll start with Top's orphanage in Ansung since it's the closest. I'm sure it will please him. I printed the itinerary and put it in my purse. So everything should be fine.

It's 3am. I must go to sleep now. I'll be driving tomorrow so I must be in good shape.

 **Top, if you're the first to be awake by tomorrow morning and you're reading this while I'm still sleeping, WAKE ME UP !**

Also, I just want you to know that I'm sorry. I chose what I chose for the sake of both of us. Please understand. There are so many things I would have gladly shared with you but can't now. I will miss you very much. Maybe more than the others. I want to know more about you. So please don't be mad at me.

See you tomorrow,

조안 – 누나 3

JOAN,

THIS IS TOP. DO NOT LOOK FOR ME. I'M SORRY. I TRIED AS HARD AS I COULD TO STAY WITH YOU BECAUSE I WANT TO BE WITH YOU. BUT I OBVIOUSLY CAN'T. SO I WILL DO AS YOU SAY AND NOT TRY ANY LONGER. I DON'T WANT TO HARM YOU OR YOUR MOTHER OR "THE BOYS" AS YOU CALL US. I WANTED YOU TO SEE ME AS A MAN. I WANTED YOU TO SEE ME AS AN ADULT, LIKE YOU. I WANTED TO TAKE CARE OF YOU LIKE YOUR MOTHER ASKED US TO. IF YOU WANT TO HAVE CHILDREN, I WOULD BE THAT FATHER. IF YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT MONEY, I WOULD BE THE ONE WHO WOULD PROVIDE FOR THE BOTH OF US. IF YOU MISS HOME I WOULD FOLLOW YOU TO AMERICA AND FORGET ALL ABOUT MY PREVIOUS LIFE. IF YOU CRY, I WANT YOU TO LOOK FOR MY ARMS. IF YOU LAUGH, I WANT YOU TO LOOK FOR MY FACE TO MAKE FUN AT. I WANT TO HEAR THAT BEAUTIFUL VOICE YOU HAD WHEN YOU ASKED ME IF OUR NIGHT WAS AN ILLUSION. I WANT TO KISS THESE LIPS AGAIN. I WANTED YOU TO SEE ME AS FAR FROM JOSEPH AS YOU COULD. I WANTED TO SHOW YOU THAT I'M NOT AS SCARY AS I LOOK. I OBVIOUSLY FAILED. I AM AND ALWAYS WILL BE WHAT I AM. A MONSTER.

SOMEBODY HAS TO PAY, STARTING WITH THE BEGINNING. IT'S TIME TO FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE.

DO NOT TRY TO STOP ME… OR I'LL KILL YOU.

TELL G-DRAGON, DAESUNG, TAEYANG AND SEUNGRI TO KEEP HIDING. THEY ARE GOOD KIDS. THEY HAVE A FUTURE, UNLIKE BEAST AND ME. TAKE CARE OF THEM AND FORGIVE ME.

CHOI SEUNGHYUN


	19. Friday May 15th 2015

Journal,

We've never seemed so close and yet so far at the same time from the end of our journey. But I don't care. I will fight until my last breath for the boys. That's what I promised them. That's what I promised Choi Seunghyun-ah.

When the alarm clock rang and I got up, as I cooked breakfast, my mind still hazy, half-asleep, I noticed the boys were only four. Since Mum and Kwan were still sleeping, I asked the boys about Top then waited for him. After a while, I looked for him myself in every room. He was nowhere to be seen. As I came back from the bathroom, feeling more and more confused, Taeyang pointed at the black screen of my computer which he noticed was opened. I shook the cursor lightly to turn it back on. When my eyes fell on Top's farewell note in capital letters, I ran out of the room. I went to the entrance, looking for my purse: the itinerary wasn't there anymore! He was gone! This is what he meant by "the beginning", he was going to his orphanage on his own! And "fight fire with fire"? "don't try to stop me or I'll kill you?"…

I had to stop him.

I hurriedly printed another itinerary and left a quick note for my mum as the five of us got ready and got out. Since I unfortunately printed it in English, Daesung, who was sitting next to me, had a lot of trouble reading it and, as I was rolling along at breakneck speed, it didn't help him relax and focus on the letters he was trying to read. And of course, since I was in such a hurry, I soon heard the whaling of police sirens behind us. My heart was beating fast as I heard them getting louder and louder. I have a high respect for authority. But this time a ticket would be my second priority after preventing one of my boys to set fire to an orphanage ! So I didn't stop, kept my eyes dry and focused on the road as we got on the highway to Ansung, Top's native village. I even ignored the boys' worried looks in the rear window.

However, we were soon slowed down by the traffic jam until we found ourselves completely stuck. Dozens and dozens of cars ahead of us were honking furiously at something we couldn't see and people had gone out of their vehicles, complaining. When I tried to ask what's going on, the driver in front of me, a fat old man who had obviously been waiting for hours under the hot sun, shouted at me that he was sure it involved an accident with a Black because Blacks drive like monkeys and are parasites to his country or something like that... Great, glad to know racism knows no barrier, race or gender. This must be my day -_-

Of course, the police car caught up with us. As it stopped behind us, the cops got out of the car and made me pull over before they came out to talk to me. I barely listened to them as I took out my driving license and handed it to them, my eyes still on the fat jerk and the traffic and I prevented myself from pounding the wheel in frustration. Then I suddenly heard the policeman's radio crackle with a voice asking for reinforcements at some part of the road a few dozens of miles ahead of us. When the agent asked for more details, the voice said the cause of the traffic was a young man standing in the middle of the road "acting weird" and, although he was not armed, he was said to be "very dangerous" and that the men on the spot "didn't dare" to approach him. As these words, I started the car again and made it roar wildly as I honked at the other drivers as well. The agents stepped back, startled, then ordered me to stop the engine and keep my hands off the wheel. I tried to ignore them until they whipped out their guns at my face and I gritted my teeth, feeling a cold sweat pour on my temples. Suddenly, without a warning, Daesung and Taeyang got out of the car on each side and walked towards both agents, ignoring their order to get back in the car. As he was on my side, I saw Taeyang look at the cop with pity.

"I'm so sorry." he said in Korean then gave him a light punch on the side of his head, which was enough to knock him out as he then carried him back to his vehicle and made him lie down in the backseat like a big baby. As for Daesung, he kept staring at the cop in front of him, smiling, as the poor guy's eyes widened at the sight of his colleague unconscious. He kept his gun pointed at Daesung's happy face which was now so close to the cannon that he was now brushing it with the tip of his nose playfully. For some reason, the policeman couldn't shoot and his hands were shaking on the gun. Then Daesung grabbed his face with both hands as the man suddenly yelped and struggled, his screams muffled by Daesung's palm, then collapsed on the ground with a peaceful smile on his face as Daesung grinned while he dragged him towards his partner and sat him in the driver seat of their car. Did I mention Daesung was scary sometimes? I don't think I have mentioned it enough O_O.

He then did as GD told him and took their car keys before handing them to their leader. As GD kept them in his hands, when he suggested we steal their car because the sirens would help us get the fat jerk out of the way more easily, I replied we had broken enough laws in one day and there was only so much we could get away with ! He shrugged and when I replied I didn't know how to activate the sirens anyway, he burst out in laughter. As Taeyang and Daesung got back in, I made the engine roar like a wild beast and when I drove closer and closer to the fat jerk's car, he quickly went back inside and pulled on the side, soon followed by the other drivers who yelled at me as I went through, going faster and faster. In the back, Seungri opened the window and took his head out to whoop and insult them in return. I can't deny, it felt good to mess up with the order of the world, just for a short moment ;)

However, we were soon brought back to reality as, after a while, we approached the head of the traffic which was in an even bigger mess and a black thick smoke was rising in the atmosphere. We left the car and kept walking between the rows of empty vehicles which looked less and less straight as we kept going further. Drivers and passengers were standing on the side, all looking in the same direction. There was also an ambulance. As we walked passed them, we saw paramedics examining the injuries on the head and arms of a man and a woman who were shaking like leaves under the blankets they were covered in, ignoring the solicitations of, I supposed, their husband and wife. When they tried to prevent us from going further, Taeyang gestured them to step aside with a glare, which was enough to make them let us through. At the head of the traffic, there was a car turned upside-down and a truck –which I assumed belonged to the injured- both of them so wrecked they looked like crumpled soda cans. It was a miracle their owners had gone out of the mess alive and conscious! The queasy black smoke came from where the impact had joined them. Between the destroyed vehicles and the ambulance, two police cars had blocked the traffic. Two others had come from the other side, closing the wide circle around the smoking metallic ruins. Behind them, the rest of the highway was completely empty for miles away except for a car coming our way which I recognized as a fifth police car. The policemen and women were all deployed around the ruins, pointing their guns at the smoke.

The moment I saw him, I couldn't keep my eyes of him. Top was standing on top of the truck, his fists and teeth clenched, his face tensed with hate. His eyes were roaming through the terrified crowd, his lips pursed in a slight grimace of disgust. I suddenly heard a loud "bang!" coming from behind him which startled me. Then I saw his lips curl into a smirk as he turned towards the cop, the youngest of the crew, who had tried to shoot him, and was now staring at Top with a pale face. At the same time, the fifth car was now visible as it arrived at full speed towards the scene. As the cops, the boys and I shouted at the drivers to stop, with a single glance, Top made them go even faster towards the young cop who stood there, frozen. However, before the car hit him, he was suddenly pushed on the side and, as the drivers managed to jump out of the car, it ended its race crashing on the two other vehicles in a deafening collision of broken glass and crumpled metal. I turned to look at who saved the young agent and saw G-Dragon and him catching their breaths, their ears still plugged and their eyes shut from the loud noise. Top, now kneeling and holding on to the surface he was standing on, stood up again. Top must have seen GD too as he suddenly turned again and looked directly at us. His shocked expression quickly changed to a burning anger. Some agents tried to shoot at him which forced him to look only at them. In response, they all hid behind the front doors of their cars.

"I told you to not try to stop me!" he shouted at us with rage in his voice, still watching the cops.

"Why are you doing all this?" I shouted back.

He paused. The silence around us was astonishing.

"I shouldn't be there." he said more softly. "I was supposed to do this in my orphanage in Ansung. Yet I snapped before I managed to get there. Ridiculous, huh?" he exclaimed louder.

"Why would you do this to your orphanage?"

"Why not?" he retorted bitterly. "It's all I learned. It's all Beast and I learned. We forgot everything else. This is where my new life started. It must disappear."

"No, it doesn't! You're saying all this but I know you don't mean it! You-"

"Shut up!" he shouted at the top of his lungs. "Don't try to tell me I'm a good little boy! Don't act like everything's gonna be okay! None of this would happen if it was the case!"

A policewoman shot another the bullet from behind Top, which reached his calf and made him scream in pain as he fell on his knee. The policemen around him came closer. But before they could reach the truck, Top snapped his eyes open and looked all around him, which made them all step back one more. Yet, they were still a little closer than before. As Top stood up again, his leg was bleeding badly and his body was twitching from the pain. The policemen in front of me had their fingers on the trigger, ready to shoot at any second. Sweat was dripping from Top's temples. From my point of view, he looked like a wounded tired wolf surrounded by hunters. When he looked at the crowd, I heard children weeping from afar. He now had a painful smile on his face.

"Top! Please! Stop!" I begged.

With gritted teeth, he shook his head, his breathing now heavier than before.

"It's too late! Can't you see? This is where it ends! I have nothing else! All I can do is either kill or die!"

"I won't let you do either!" I screamed determinedly.

Meanwhile, GD was murmuring something at the boys.

"Stay away from me!" Top replied when he saw them deploy fast around the area.

Taeyang ran towards the truck and shook it with all his might which made Top unstable.

However, one of the policemen shot at him and the bullet brushed Taeyang's cheek as the rearview mirror dangling next to his face fell on the ground. I turned at the officer and saw he was now hypnotized, scared to death of Taeyang. The other agents around him had no idea whether to aim at Top or their crazy partner. Top then looked at her colleague next to him and, as she looked at the crowd, she suddenly froze in shock and aimed at the civilians who ran and screamed in panic. As the injured man and woman we saw earlier couldn't stand up, they only covered their heads in fear.

"Nobody moves!" the policewoman claimed and shot in the air, which made everybody freeze. "You're all under arrest! If anybody tries anything, I'll open fire! Put your hands where I can see them!"

The other officers were even more confused as we all raised our hands in the air. Daesung and Seungri looked at GD:

"What do we do know?" Daesung whispered.

For the first time, G-Dragon looked confused. I could see in his eyes that the more he struggled to find a solution, the less he found one.

"I don't know." the leader replied between his gritted teeth, frustrated.

Standing above us all, Top's smirk, although exhausted by the pain and efforts, was now triumphant over GD. As I did like everybody else and tried to not stare at him directly, I managed to look at him trough the reflection of the rearview mirror on the ground next to Taeyang which made me think back of the screens at the mall. Suddenly, I had a plan.

"GD," I whispered. "I need your super reflexes."

He looked at me from the corner of his eyes, surprised.

"What do you want me to do?"

"You see the mirror next to Taeyang's foot?" I said and pointed at it from afar with my chin. "I need you to take it and give it to me. Also ask Seungri for distraction and tell Daesung to take care of the injured."

"Why? What are you gonna do?" he asked and the policewoman, hearing us, pointed her gun at us for a couple of seconds, then, as we stood still and silent, went back to the immobile crowd.

"Trust me." I simply said.

GD hesitated then looked at the two other boys who had been listening as well and nodded at them. Seungri then climbed on the roof of a car.

"Hey look! I'm Top!" he screamed, waving his arms wildly. "I have such a cool power! I feel so strong making other people do my job while I do nothing and stand above everyone else like a coward!"

As Top turned for a second towards him, the policewoman walked away from the crowd and aimed at him.

"Freeze, sir!" she screamed hysterically at Seungri.

"Hey, you!" the second agent who had been holding Taeyang at gunpoint suddenly exclaimed and shot at GD who kept dodging his bullets and instantly threw the rearview mirror at me.

In the meantime, I checked Daesung and saw the injured man and woman –whose bandages were now on the ground- fortunately healed and were far away from the ambulance along with the paramedics and the rest of the crowd.

So I took a deep breath, brandished the truck rearview mirror like a shield in front of my face and stepped forward with shaky legs.

"What are you doing?" I heard Top ask.

However, I ignored everything going on around me and kept moving forward, half blind at whatever was in front of me.

"Stop! Don't go any further!" Top exclaimed.

I heard guns clicking, followed by the sound of punches and screams as I saw, from the corner of my eyes, the four boys fighting with the policemen who were now totally ignoring me and Top.

"Stop it! I said stop!"

Hearing Top plead reminded me of my own begging at him at the mall. I knew he could only see his own reflection anytime he tried to find my eyes. How much did he hate looking at his own face? Listening to the increasing panic in his voice, I guess he tried to hypnotize me through the glass anyway.

My theory was confirmed when he was suddenly unable to repress a heartrending scream of pain and, when I looked from behind my little shield, I saw he was on his knees with his head in his hands, as his rage suddenly turned into sobs and yells. He then staggered towards the edge of the truck without looking and, as he abruptly fell, I ran as fast as I could towards him and collapsed on my back when he fell on me.

Although my back hurt and the cops and the crowd were still around us, I sat up and clung onto his shirt, hugging him tight to prevent him from getting away. However, although he kept screaming and crying, he didn't struggle and let me hold him in my arms like a ragdoll, his shoulders shaken by painful sobs.

"Why?" I whispered between my gritted teeth and felt tears well up in my own eyes. "Why, you idiot, why do you always have to ruin everything? Why are you so full of hate?"

My question was only half rhetoric as I had a vague idea of the answer. He himself was aware of it. And he suddenly started talking fast in Korean, half slurring the words through his tears. However, this time, I was able to catch at least half of it. Here is an approximate translation of what I understood:

"Because it's the only thing that can fill me. I'm full from head to toe when I'm like this. Do you understand? Without it, I'm empty! Useless! Dead! Because I should be dead! You don't know what the five of us have been through! The beating! The ice baths! The food restrictions! Because of the "cut-funds", they kept saying. Cut-funds, cut-funds… We didn't even know what it meant; we were just children! There was me, Beast, Chanyeol, Joker, Yoseob… We had nothing. They took us everything! They took Yoseob's books, Joker's clown nose." he said and a smile grew on his face. "He'd always talk about how he wanted it back because it was the coolest thing he ever had, this red clown nose that lit up and flickered when you squeeze it. He'd always ask if they took it because they wanted to play with it and we'd laugh!"

He chuckled lightly and paused as he tried to catch his breath.

"At time we were supposed to be at school, they taught us to beat and get beaten by grown men. If we refused to fight, we were either electrocuted or locked up in our dark cell. Chanyeol was the youngest and he would always go cry in my arms whenever he had to be locked up. He was the youngest of us, only 6 years old. He didn't mind the beating but he still needed a light to sleep. But what we feared the most was Friday, the day of our weekly shot. All kids hate needles. We especially abhorred the ones with that black, burning thing that hurt like hell!" he said and rolled up the sleeves of his shirt to show me his arms as I took a close look at them for the second time after the bathtub incident.

Aside from being pale and muscular, both of them were splattered with long red and black destroyed veins starting from the crook of the elbows up to the wrists like tiny crooked snakes. I remembered Joseph once told me how the first experiments were very conclusive on rats but very unstable on humans.

"When we became theirs monsters, Beast would ask Yoseob to tell us about the books he read at night. At first, he didn't want to. He had this big shark mouth they gave him after an experience, just like Beast and his wings. So, with that funny mouth, he'd tell us the only story he remembered about a lost princess who was helped by a cursed prince and in the end, she kissed him, he became beautiful again and they married. We loved it! We'd always talked about what we thought the princess looked like and who she'd prefer between the five of us! One day, Yoseob tried to rip an agent's throat with his sharp teeth. They shot him in the head from behind like a rabid dog. Joker did a hunger strike but they kept training him anyway as punishment. He was so weak he fell on an electric fence and didn't get up, shaking on the ground as if he were dancing and laughing hysterically from the pain. It was the scariest thing I've ever heard. But the worst," he said and his voice cracked. "was Chanyeol. That Friday, he struggled as always to not get his shot. For some reason he fought more than usual. When they strapped him on the long metal table and they took his arm, they planted the syringe in him and he screamed. The product didn't spread. It wouldn't spread at all! It was stuck in the muscle, burning his skin and dripping on the floor with his blood. It stank like hell. We could see it from our beds when they tried to inject it again and again, needle after needle but he kept squirming. We heard him cry, he was yelling "I'm dying! Please take me home! I wanna go home!". He called for his mum, his dead mum! He called for his caretaker! He called for us! And he kept calling my name! Again and again and again! A minute later, he calmed down and stopped struggling. It was over."

Now he was the one who was clinging on to me, his face buried in my shirt, crying his eyes out.

"Why didn't they do something? Why did they did they do this to us? Why am I the only one alive? I shouldn't be here! There is nothing for me out there! Everyone wants me dead! I should be dead like them! Dead!"

As I let my own tears roll down my cheeks, I took his head in my hands and pulled it away to make him face me. There, as we were both crying and I kept his face in my palms, I planted a long kiss on his lips. I then kissed his chin, his cheeks, his forehead, his eyelids, as if my lips could cure him from his restlessness. As he calmed down a little, I let him embrace me, ignoring the suffocating heat of his body under the burning sun. When the boys approached us, I encouraged Top to get up and he just followed me, walking behind me with his head bowed and holding my hand like a little child as we slowly went back to the car, G-Dragon and the others surrounding Top and me like a shield through the stupefied crowd, ignoring the knocked-out policemen behind us.

After hours of driving, we managed to reach home again. We found my note on which Mum and Kwan had written that they were out to pay a visit to the neighbors and were asking us to join them. A simple look between me and the boys was enough to make them understand Top and I needed some time alone. So they left.

I guided Top towards the bedroom, sat against the pillows and invited him to do the same. When we were side to side on the bed, he wrapped his arms around me again and rested his head on my stomach. He asked me with a soft voice to stroke his hair. So I did. As I slid my hand though his brown hair slowly, he kept crying in silence. As the shutters were half closed to prevent the heat from coming in, the room was dimly lit and a cool breeze was refreshing us through the cardboard that covered the broken window.

"I'm sorry." I whispered out of nowhere.

"Sorry for what?"

"I'm not sure." I admitted. "I guess I should have seen all that coming. I feel responsible. I should have tried to make you talk sooner and-"

"Don't. It's not your fault. It's mine. It's just the way I am."

There was then another silence between us.

"Why did you kiss me?" he asked.

"I don't know. Because I felt like I had to."

"Does that mean you did it because it was necessary and not because you wanted to?"

I froze a little but then admitted:

"I also wanted to. I thought it was the only thing I could do."

"Did you like it?" he asked with a small smile. "Be honest."

I hesitated.

"Yes." I confessed softly.

"So would you do it again if I asked you to?"

"Top, don't. I don't think… I'm sorry-"

"Joan," he cut me off and looked me in the eyes.

I immediately recognized both the voice and the stare he had when he called me for the first time through the camera the day we escaped together.

"Please… Kiss me."

He sat up without breaking eye-contact with me. As I felt myself driven to these piercing eyes, I resisted but he then closed them to show me that the choice was mine and crossed his arms, waiting. I had no excuse left. I slowly moved towards him and, when I felt my lips pressed against his again, I enjoyed the familiarity of their softness. A few seconds later, he kissed me back and put me in his embrace, holding me tight against his chest. When I felt his tongue snake in my mouth for the second time, I tried to pull away but he wouldn't let me and I moaned in his mouth, feeling the butterflies in my stomach turn into a hurricane. He pinned me against the wall and cupped my face as I responded to the kiss, feeling the heat combust my whole system as our tongues danced with one another. When he pulled apart, the both of us were panting heavily and our eyes were somewhat hazy. Through my befuddled mind, I saw him smirk.

"You enjoyed it."

At these words, I couldn't help but blush like a teenager.

"Shut up."

He smiled again.

"That means you like me, then. Don't you?"

I saw that, in spite of his playful tone, his look on his last words was somewhat serious as if he was now hanging on to my words. I bit my lip. After a second of weighing pros and cons once more, I sighed and bowed my head in shame.

"Yes." I said in a small voice. "I like you. A lot."

Though he looked surprised for a second, his lips soon curled into a mischievous smile.

"What was that?" he said and put his hand behind his ear, looking exaggeratingly attentive.

"I said I love you!" I exclaimed, blood rising to my cheeks. "사랑해! Te amo! Je t'aime! 愛してる! Ich liebe dich! You're happy?"

He grinned and pulled me into another kiss.

"Yes." he said and cuddled me. "I am happy."

"Good." I murmured, enjoying the heat of his body on mine. "It's all I want for now."

I couldn't help but smile. We sat there in silence again as he laid against me and I stroked his hair without waiting for him to ask.

"About what you said… about marriage and kids-" he said and raised his head.

"Shhh..." I cut him off and made him rest his head again gently. "It doesn't matter what I said. Let's just enjoy what we have for now."

"Ok." he said and closed his eyes.

Truly, I didn't want to think about the future. I wanted to enjoy the moment here and now. He then fell asleep on my chest and left to dreamland. He looked so peaceful I myself began to drowse off too. When I woke up, it was the middle of the night, Top was sleeping next to me and my computer had been brought to me on the night-table. When I turned it on, Top woke up and I apologized about the noise but he said he didn't mind. He replied he loved to listen to me typing; though it annoyed him the first two or three times, he then got used to it and now it helps him sleep. I smiled as he closed his eyes again. Before he fell asleep, he asked if I minded to call him Seunghyun instead of Top.

"I will," I replied. "Sleep well, Seunghyun-ah." I said and kissed him on the top of his head to which he responded by another kiss on my lips before he laid down and went back to sleep.

Tonight, I dedicate the little symphony of my fingers to Seunghyun. I told the boys we would think about the next step of our plan tomorrow morning. For now, we all need to rest and take care of each other. It feels weird to type it down. Although I went back to everything that happened today, when I went to Seunghyun's part, I still felt as if nothing happened. It's so surreal! When the boys left to go to bed and came in to say good night, I noticed some grins here and there. Tomorrow will definitely be a brand new da

Sleep well, Seunghyun-dongsaeng. May my music lull you every night from now on just like your sweet breathing lulls me. Good God, I'm already getting cheesier o_O

E E Joan-ssi 3 3


	20. Saturday May 16th 2015

안녕하세요 Journal,

It has started.

One less. Daesung is gone. Damn. I miss him already. The next four days will be hard L But we'll meet again, I know it. Plus he left us with a smile on his face so it's all good!

Something was telling me that this day wouldn't be so sad anyway, especially since the boys and I were woken up by the sound of someone singing. I woke up alone and, when I went to the living-room still half-asleep, I saw the boys trying to wake up as well and Seunghyun preparing breakfast and singing like a bird. I can't believe I'm writing this down. We woke up to the sight of TOP Seunghyun PREPARING BREAKFAST and SINGING out loud in the living-room!

Mum and Kwon were awake as well, with Mum taking a shower and Kwon arranging the couch while singing in Korean with Seunghyun. Turns out the boys slept on the floor and left them the couch when they came back and they had turned it into a bed for the night (how come we never found out how to do it? T_T).

When I asked Seunghyun if he felt alright, he turned to me and looked glad to see that I was awake, saying he never felt better and gave me a good morning kiss in front of Kwon O_O. Kwon bashfully looked away. Thank God Mum wasn't there, she would have killed my dongsaeng! Or so I thought as, when she arrived and we settled around the table, I saw the boys and her exchange knowing glances and smiles, looking at the both of us from the corner of their eyes. When I stared at her to ask her silently what was going on, she winked at me and grinned, which made feel my face redden as they all giggled. Holy s#!t, they told her?! It didn't seem to bother Seunghyun though, as he kept humming his song while he cleared his dishes to put them in the sink and took the occasion whenever he could to peck me on the cheeks. As I tried to ignore his sudden (although definitely agreeable ;) ) outburst of affection, I wasted no time to ask who wanted to see his orphanage first since Seunghyun's was, well, kind of delayed for now.

I was very surprised to hear that Daesung wanted to go first. And here I thought he was the most afraid to say goodbye! When I asked him why, he said he wanted to get this over with as soon as possible so he wouldn't have to see the others leave. Everybody around the table went silent for a moment, in awe of Daesung's bravery. That is, until Seunghyun stood behind Daesung, brought his hands to his face and lifted the corners of his mouth with his index fingers, forcing a smile on Daesung's face to the latter's surprise who immediately pushed his hands away. The next second, his elder entrapped him in his arms to tickle him and, as he tried hard to escape, the blond couldn't help but laugh harder and harder, which made us all laugh in the return at the ridiculous sounds of his laughter. What was wrong with Seughyun today? I couldn't believe it could be the same boy who destroyed cars twelve hours ago!

"No pouting!" Seunghyun ordered and pressed his finger on the tip of Daesung's nose like the command button on a machine. At these words, Daesung smiled again and even did his adorable eye smile :D

Whatever happened to TOP, it seemed he was gone and I definitely preferred the new one :P

So did the boys apparently. As we all got up from the table, Taeyang suddenly took me into a bear hug and said "Thank you for hyung", followed by G-Dragon who did the same, and I laughed. I didn't do anything, really! Actually, something's telling me he'd always been like that all this time! The only one who looked a little annoyed by all this was Seungri. Not only had his hyung stolen his show but he was more successful at it than him! However, when his hyung took him into a back hug and squeezed him so hard his eyes seemed about to pop out of his skull, he in turn couldn't help but be conquered by the new Choi Seunghyun.

"아이씨, 빙구 TOP 없다 !" *****

The other boys laughed and Seunghyun looked suddenly upset. When I asked them what Seungri had said, they said "Bingu" meant "very stupid". So, in spite of his protests, Seunghyun's new nickname was Bingu TOP XD

 ** _*_** _"_ _Ugh, there is Bingu TOP!" (I'm so glad Seungri helped me spell it in my journal when Seunghyun wasn't looking XP)_

As a reward for their creativity, the boys were immediately chased by their elder throughout the apartment as he tried to aim at their heads with the cushions of the armchairs. Needless to say, it soon turned into a giant pillow fight between the five of them as if they were twelve again. Meanwhile, Kwon ran after them, trying to protect as much ornaments as he could while Mum and I just watched them with a smile plastered on our face.

"It's gonna be hard to separate them, won't it?" she suddenly asked.

I nodded and sighed. It was heartbreaking to say the least. She understood and took me in her arms.

"You guys know you can come back anytime, yes?" she said

"Not too often though!" we heard Kwon protest and we laughed.

Mum then went after him and, as the six of us prepared to leave, dressed all nice and clean like good little boys and lady, I heard her scold him about why I got to get a good morning kiss and not her from him. When we said goodbye, as they thought we didn't hear them, I heard her laugh as he kissed her and I managed to catch a glimpse of him looking lovingly at my mother. I hope I'll end up growing old with someone like the both of them! If that "someone" could be TOP/Seunghyun, I'd be the happiest on Earth.

I HOPE THAT SOMEONE WILL BE ME TOO,

최승현

Sorry, I should have seen BINGU Seunghyun was still awake and reading behind my shoulder. Yes, I still see you, stop it! It doesn't help me focusing J

So, now that I have my keyboard back for myself and bargained it with some more big wet smooches, as I was writing, we all headed towards Daesung's native city, Incheon, in my mum's car. I told the boys they could stay with Mum and Kwon but they insisted to all come. I think Daesung particularly appreciated the intention J

After hours of traffic jam (regular ones this time) and customs and parking (trust me, it's much harder than it sounds ), we finally managed to reach인천, 仁川.

HyangJin orphanage is in a modest district. Unlike what I thought, it looked more like a primary school than any of these gloomy buildings you see in stories about poor, miserable orphans. It looked rather clean, warm and welcoming! When we arrived in front of the building, Dae Sung stopped and stared, frozen. I saw we were all looking directly at him. We let him separate from our group, take small steps towards the main entrance and touch the green gate. It seemed the contact with the metallic handle had opened a door in his mind as his expression changed and he looked at us with a serious look.

"I remember." was all he managed to say.

"What do you remember?" I asked.

He wasn't able to answer. As I took his place at the gate, his leader put his hand on Dae Sung's shoulder and pressed it warmly with a boyish smile. Feeling encouraged, Dae Sung shyly nodded and took a deep breath as I pressed the button of the interphone.

The lady at the reception was very warm and polite and, as I managed to introduce myself, I realized I didn't know how to explain the situation to her. Shall I tell her that Dae Sung had been kidnapped? That he had been in a coma? That he had no job, no education, no identity except a name and an address?

However, when I explained to her that I wanted to talk to her about one of their former residents, as Dae Sung introduced himself in his turn, the lady, although hesitant, opened the gate to us.

I felt my heart pound in my chest. However, as I noticed from the corner of my eyes, Daesung's knees were trembling. I took his hand in mine and squeezed it firmly, which he returned with a determined look.

Just as I thought, it was even harder to explain the situation face to face than it was at the gate. As I let the boys stand among the kids and look distractedly at small ads and recruitment requests for teachers/activity leaders on the walls, I tried my best to tell a credible story to the receptionist who kept listening to me with a bewildered look and glancing at Dae Sung from time to time as he kept staring at her pleadingly. When I was done, all she did was lightly shaking her head and she explained to me that it was not that easy to believe me or Dae Sung. I was mad but of course, it was pretty understandable now that I think about it: I had no documents to present, no ID, no birth certificate, no address, no viable trace (except maybe the file from the lab but I soon forgot about the idea. I knew Dae Sung didn't want to be known as "the monster" anymore anyway), just two strangers with a face and mish-mashed words in a choppy Korean. How could she not mistrust us? The situation looked desperate. However, as the three of us stood silent and I was even weighing pros and cons about changing my mind about the unofficial documentary of the lab, I saw a young woman standing in a corner with her arms crossed on her chest, staring intensely at Dae Sung's face. As we were thinking about a strategy to convince the receptionist to let us see the director, the young woman walked towards us, still looking at Dae Sung.

"Excuse me," she asked me in perfect fluent English. "does this young man's name by any chance be Kang Dae Sung?"

I said "Yes" and instinctively brought him closer to me. Though she was probably just an English teacher who recognized my American accent, I didn't trust anybody who talked English aside from Mum and Kwon. I thought she was a lady from the lab Joseph had sent to intercept us and pretend she was an agent from the "special program". However, she then grinned and looked at Dae Sung face to face who just stared at her, confused.

"Don't you recognize me?" she asked him in Korean.

Dae Sung then took a closer look at her and his face suddenly lit up.

"이채린!" he exclaimed and shook her hands, which I thought was pretty cold O_O *****

"It's been so long Dae Sung oppa!" Lee Chae Rin (I think that's how you spell it in Romanization) exclaimed as they both laughed with joy.

Ten years was a heck of a long time, indeed…

 ** _*_** _I learned that in Korea, hugs and kisses are not as well seen as in America, even between close friends and especially when they are of the opposite sex. That explains why we are often seen as perverts out there -_-_

"We used to be best friends!" Dae Sung explained at us as we looked at them, both happy and puzzled. "We grew up together before…"

He didn't finish his sentence. The pretty young lady nodded and finished:

"…before they took you away."

They both stood silent and then smiled at each other again.

"Look at you!" she said and looked at him from top to bottom. "It's so weird to see you all grown up! You're so tall now! But I'd recognize that smile even with my eyes closed!"

"Same to you! You've become so pretty!"

"Thank you!" she said and smiled proudly. "And that's nothing. Look!" she said and showed her hand on which a white ring with a little pink stone was shining.

Dae Sung's eyes widened and he put his hands on his hips in an exaggerated manner.

"You can't be engaged, CL-Dongsaeng! You're seven!"

Chae Rin laughed and took him by the hand.

"Come on! We've got to tell the others you're here! Most of us are teachers here now! There's Bom-unnie and Suho-oppa and Dong-wook-sunbae and Byun-sonsaengnim… I mean," she said as she turned towards us, bowed deeply at me and went back to English, "if you don't mind of course, Miss…"

"Just call me Joan." I said with a smile. "And I'm 27, in case you're wondering. I know now how important honorifics are in this country."

CL smiled and nodded respectfully.

"Thank you, Joan-unnie!"

Her eye smile was as adorable as Daesung's.

And indeed, as soon as she introduced Dae Sung to all her colleagues, he immediately recognized them and they all welcomed him with open arms. The oldest, a couple of their former common teachers, even shed a tear at the sight of the clique reunited. They were maybe 5 or 6 but, listening to Mr. Byun and CL-Dongsaeng, they were maybe 10 to 20 to have stayed in the neighborhood and they were all still talking about Dae Sung! It seemed he was a very popular kid, even back then. The latter couldn't look any happier. In a couple of hours, he could already remember all their names, all the places and even share a couple stories about their gang's secret activities between classes! It felt like he had been only gone for months!

When I explained his situation to them, the staff members seemed to understand. We introduced him to the president, Lee Bohyung-Sajangnim. She too remembered Dae Sung and, as we all pleaded his case, she listened to us attentively, nodding and frowning from time to time. She then explained to us that when the agents came to take Dae Sung, she had no idea that they were crooks. She then had no news of the kid except a short neutral call once a week during the first months. Then, no sign of him for a whole decade. But since the papers had been signed, there was nothing she could have done and she felt bad about it. She then explained to us that of course, the establishment couldn't nurse him since he was now an adult. However, if he wanted to, they could still find him a job there to take care of the children, teach them to read and count, play with them and things like that. Turns they were looking for staff!

Needless to say, we immediately said YES! As for the accommodations, when she explained that he would need to find a temporary flat by himself, all of his friends fought to convince him that their home was the best :D ! The kids seemed to love him too, as, when we went to the playroom and they introduced him as a teacher on probation a few hours later, the kids immediately went to him in curiosity and, when he smiled at them, some of them did not hesitate to hug him and lend him their toys :3

It looked like he was already at home and gone. Watching him having fun among them, I couldn't help but feel a tug at my heart strings, which was allayed when Seunghyun hugged me from behind and tucked his chin on my shoulder.

"It's time to go." he whispered in my ear.

I nodded. The road had been long and I told Mum we would arrive in time for dinner. When I told the boys, they looked at each other and reluctantly said goodbye to their member, hugging him profusely as he grinned in their arms. Seunghyun was the longest to hug him, up to the point it became awkward to even Dae Sung at some point (and God knows how tactile he is) :P When my turn came, I just smiled proudly at him and respected the Korean tradition as I just held his hands in mine.

"Well," I said and tried to sound serious. "remember what I said. This is not farewell. We'll see each other again so don't mope when we leave, okay? Be a grown up and take care of yourself because this is not the end and-"

"I can see you're trying hard not to cry, noona." he told me with a grin.

At his words, the others stared at me and smiled.

"Oh my God, she is!"

"Are you crying, noona?"

"No, I'm not! No, I'm not! Shut up!"

However, as I said that, I felt tears roll down my eyes and smiled through them as I felt Dae Sung hold me in a bear hug and the others whooped at me.

"Damn it! Even now, you manage to make me smile against my will, idiot!"

"No pouting!" he said and pressed my nose, which made me chuckle. "I'll miss you too, noona. Goodbye and very much thank you." he told me in English this time with his strong Korean accent.

I hugged him back, then glanced at Chaerin and pointed at him.

"Please teach him proper English. People like me can't do anything with a manipulative pabo like him."

Chaering laughed and Dae Sung and I finally parted with the same incontrollable grin plastered on our faces.

When we finally left the district, honking happily at the crew, after we left sight of them and were back on the road, there was definitely a bittersweet feeling. It suddenly felt uncomfortable to have enough space for everyone in Mum's small car. Smiles slowly faded and we all soon went back to silence. Then suddenly, after an hour of awkward muteness, we were all startled by Seunghyun's sudden burst of singing as he sang Michael Jackson's tune at the top of his lungs.

"Yah, hyung! Cut it out! You're so out of key!" G-Dragon complained.

"Yeah, my poor eardrums beg you to stop!" Seungri added with a whiny pout and plugged his ears.

Even when Taeyang sitting behind him tried to forcefully shut him up by putting his hands on his mouth, Seunghyun didn't stop and kept singing through his gag. As he then managed to pull them away, he sang even louder and even more off key just to annoy his dongsaengs who grunted and grimaced in response. However, I laughed out loud at it and sang along with him as they looked at me in disbelief, disappointed, then went along and joined our horrible band of forcefully joyful singers; first Seungri, then Taeyang, and finally GD who at first mumbled the lyrics, embarrassed, then happily gave in and sang his heart out. Turns out it wasn't so bad! You know what they say: if you can't beat them, join them ;P

And so our journey ended. My first special mission is done. Four more to go. Am I sad? A little, yes. But I'm also happy for Daedae. He found his place and soon, he's gonna be independent like the rest of his peers. So I'm not worried about him. Besides, he's gonna be paid to do what he likes and what he's the best at: bringing joy to people. His noona trusts him with all her might! Hwaiting!

Mission 1 done, four more to go.

Good night, Seunghyun-dongseang.

GOOD NIGHT, JAGIYA-NOONA. BY THE WAY, YOU MISSEPELLED "FIGHTING".

Oh yeah? Well, you misspelled "misspelled" Pabo-jagiya ;p

E Joan AND 최승현 3


	21. Sunday May 17th 2015

GOOD MORNING JOAN,

IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR ME, I'M IN THE KITCHEN. YOUR MOTHER MADE BREAKFAST. WAITING FOR YOU J

BY THE WAY, YOU DROOLED IN YOUR SLEEP. EW.

승현-자기야

That Pabo. Thanks for making me read it only now. You know I usually don't check my computer when it's daytime

Hi journal,

Hurray! The window is fixed! Although for some reason, I can't help but feel a little sad about it. It's like somebody erased a trace of our passage.

Youngbae's turn. One more hole in our group. But it's also one more saved. Three more to go.

This morning was quieter than yesterday. When I arrived, I saw that they had been waiting for me. For the first time, there was an empty chair around the table. We all ate without a word as Seunghyun even waited for Kwan to turn his head to give me my morning kiss. As some of us began to clear the table, Youngbae suddenly got up and everyone looked at him.

"I'll be next." he said determinedly.

At these words, G-Dragon abruptly left the table and locked himself the bedroom without a word. Seungri, Seunghyun and I looked at each other. Taeyang just looked down at the table with set lips and a sorry look. I got up and headed towards the bedroom. I knocked on the door and asked if I could come in. When GD gave me permission and unlocked the door, as I came in, I found him sitting on the bed with his legs crossed and his head bowed. I could tell by the way he was hiding his eyes behind his hair that he was preventing himself from crying.

"We discussed this together, him and I." he started to explain in a low voice as I sat down beside him. "When I suggested I should be next, he said it was a bad idea because since I am the leader, I should stay to look after the others while I still can. But I don't want him to leave." he said and tightened his grips on his knees. "He's my best friend. We knew each other even before we met at the lab! These guys are the only friends I ever had in my life. I'm not like Daesung. Without my team, I…" he said and his voice got stuck in his throat. "I don't know what I'm gonna do with my life!"

As I couldn't hold it any longer, I took him in my arms and he struggled even harder to not cry as he clenched his teeth and pressed his face against my shoulder, holding me tight. I stroked his back gently to calm him down.

"And the worst is, I am thankful for Joseph-nim to have made us all meet. But I still want him to pay for what he and his team did to Taeyang, me and everybody else. But I'm not even sure they will ever pay!"

"They will pay." I assured him. "Trust me. I will make them pay for what they did to you. Even if I have to spend my whole life on it, in the end, they won't get away with this."

G-Dragon nodded against my shoulder. He obviously wanted to believe what I was saying. So did I.

"But first," I highlighted and parted from him to make him look me in the eyes. "We need to make sure you guys are all safe. Every day we spend here is another chance we give to Joseph to take you back. If you let Taeyang go, he will be safe. He's not abandoning you! Do you know how much it means when a muscle-bound dude like him trusts you more than himself to protect his team-members? I dream of having friends like that! Heck, I would never let Joseph watch over my kids if I had any, he would rather pretend to have lost them just to get rid of the chore!"

I GUESS IF I WERE IN THAT SITUATION, I WOULD JUST HYPNOTIZE THEM TO MAKE THEM SLEEP AND LEAVE THEM SOMEWHERE SO I CAN FOLLOW YOU.

승현

OW, THAT FLICKER HURT.

GD smiled.

"What about TOP- I mean, Seunghyun-hyung?"

I paused, a little thoughtful.

"I suppose I would trust him." I said **and now regret it strongly** **.**

He chuckled.

"Better not. He's such an airhead I'm sure he'd rather hypnotize your kids just to follow you like a dog."

?! IF HE REALLY SAID THAT, I AM SO GOING TO HYPNOTIZE HIM TOMORROW AND LEAVE HIM ON THE BALCONY ALL DAY BARKING AND HOWLING!

I guess I'd better wake up first tomorrow and tell him to hide from his hyung then XD.

"Remember what we said that one night?" I told GD. "You're a good leader, the best I know. Taeyang is not sacrificing himself. He's just taking his own weight off your shoulders.

"He's not a weight to me." GD mumbled.

"Go tell him then." I said with a smile and took his hand to lead him out of the room.

When we went back to the living-room, as soon as GD faced Taeyang and apologized, the latter instantly smiled and hugged his leader so tight he almost choked him. Then Seunghyun hugged them both.

"Kiss, you fools." he said in an exaggeratedly serious tone.

They both stared at him awkwardly and told him to shut up at the same time, which made the maknae laugh and he was told to shut up too. Now that's a good way to start a normal day :D

The itinerary to Youngbae's village, Hwaesong, was shorter than to Incheon. In the car, as the boys looked distractedly at the landscapes outside and I turned on the radio, after a while, we heard a song we recognized as Ne-Yo's. I think it was "So Sick". When Youngbae recognized it, he started humming and we let him do so on his own, so entranced he even started singing. His voice was incredible. However, I couldn't tell which was the most beautiful between his voice and the boys' proud smiles at him as they listened to him in silence.

When we arrived in front of his orphanage, he had the same amazed reaction as Dae Sung. However, he didn't take as much time as he directly walked towards the main gate and rang the bell determinedly. They let us in just like last time and Youngbae entered first. This time, I had a better story to tell the receptionist as I shortly introduced myself and Youngbae and asked her to contact any staff member who could possibly recognize him. The young man at the reception, either impressed by my efficiency (or maybe scared by my sudden outburst in the building and fast talking), called a few numbers and told us to wait there.

As we did, the five of us sat down on benches for what seemed like an eternity. No matter how brave he tried to look, I could tell by the way he was tapping his hands on his knees that Youngbae was still pretty nervous. So was I. Suddenly, as I looked on my left, I saw a little girl with short black hair and big black eyes, maybe 5 or 6 years old, standing in the middle of the hall, looking at us, or rather looking at Youngbae precisely. When the lady accompanying her tried to catch her, she ran away from her and got closer to us, then stood right in front of Youngbae, barely one foot away from him.

"Annyonghaseyo," I smiled at her and greeted her in Korean "what's your name, cutie?"

The child turned at me for a second but then ignored me and went back to staring at Youngbae (D8 did I just get ignored by a 5-year old? How unpopular in Korea am I?) and kept smiling at him, which disturbed him.

"What do you want?" he asked.

"You're handsome." she replied. "Can I kiss you?"

Youngbae, even more puzzled, looked at me for help, to which I smiled and nodded. As he seemed to have no choice, he in turn nodded to her and leaned closer as the toddler extended her little lips towards his face and gave him a tiny peck on the cheek. When Youngbae backed up in surprise, she giggled happily. That's one brave little woman! She kept giggling as the young woman who was following her took her in her arm and scolded her so fast and in such a low voice I couldn't understand half of what she was saying. However, the girl ignored her noona and kept her eyes locked on Youngbae whose cheeks were now a little redder than before.

"Solly." the noona then told me in English with a strong accent and bowed, embarrassed. "Giwl little. Vely lude."

"No, it's okay." I replied in Korean and jokingly added. "She wasn't rude. She asked him for permission first!"

However, as the small plump young lady made eye contact with Youngbae, she in turn moved back a little and froze as if she had seen an angel, then bowed her head and blushed madly.

"The directress, Mrs. Lee," she muttered in Korean. "told me to tell you that luckily, she found a copy of your file. It turns out she found and old article about you in the newspapers, about you being the only boy in a former all girls orphanage. I was not very close to Dong Youngbae-ssi but I called four of our former comrades. They should be there very soon and they told me to tell you that they can't wait to see you."

She then slowly turned and walked faster and faster towards the hall where she came from. The child in her arms waved at her hyung to say goodbye with a beaming smile.

"I don't get it. What was that all about?" Youngbae said and turned at me, clueless.

However, as I turned towards Seunghyun and G-Dragon, we just gave knowing looks at each other and smirked at him.

"You're gonna have a lot of fun there, hyung!" Seungri exclaimed and nudged him. "I envy you!"

"Envy me? Why? What do you mean?" Youngbae asked and blinked innocently.

Next to him, Seughyun and G-Dragon kept sneering discreetly making Youngbae so upset he started sulking.

About half an hour later, four beautiful creatures entered the orphanage, the four of them with their hands full of gifts and flowers. As they walked towards us, when Youngbae got up, they let their gifts fall to the ground and put their hands in front of their mouths, wide-eyed. Some of them even had their eyes tear up.

"Youngbae-oppa! It's me, Kim Tae-Yeon!" the first one (who looked like she was 12 but was probably in her 20s) exclaimed. "I used to say we'd marry each other when we'd be old enough! I would hold your hand and-"

"How about me?" the second one cut her off. "Remember? Joo-yun? I was the girl with the big glasses who helped you with math and grammar!" she said and winked with her gorgeous doe eyes.

"Back off, girls. I was with him first." the third one in high heels retorted and pushed the others back lightly. "For your information, I used to climb in the trees with him and he liked me the most because I was the most boyish of you all! The name is Hwang Mi Young but you used to call me Tiffany because I'm half American!" she said and smirked at Youngbae who didn't know who to listen to anymore as they all either talked at the same time or giggled.

"Oh yeah?" the fourth one and most gorgeous replied and then added proudly. "Well, I used to give him all my sweets at noon and I even taught him how to kiss a girl on the mouth! Right, YB? Surely you can't have forgotten about Yoon-Ah!" she said and gave him a cute smile, pointing at herself with both forefingers as if she were 8 again.

As they all tried to convince him at who was his most legitimate (and sexiest) childhood best friend, smothering him with gifts and seductive compliments, touching the muscles of his biceps as if he were a giant doll, Youngbae could only smile embarrassingly at them, blushing like mad and more intimidated than if he had suddenly found himself stuck in the middle of a combat zone. Any move, any sound he made was enough to make the women around him nearly faint and squeak in admiration. So he didn't dare to do anything, which made Seunghyun and G-Dragon laugh as Seungri kept looking at the scene from the corner of his eyes with his arms crossed, green with envy. When he signaled his presence and tried to show the ladies his own muscles, they all smiled politely at him and quickly turned back towards Youngbae, which made their hyungs laugh even harder, almost bringing tears to their eyes.

By the end of the day, we had met the directress who, in spite of not being able to recruit Youngbae, gave us a few good addresses where he could postulate. Given his physical abilities, surely site managers and security offices would recruit him right away!

And of course, once more, girls fought as to who would end up bringing their friend to her home! Although still red, Youngbae looked as if he were in Nirvana. We left him in good hands for sure!

The hardest thing was to watch G-Dragon and Youngbae say goodbye. Their hug was the longest. When they parted, though GD tried to resist, when he saw Youngbae cry for the first time, he gave in and they both let tears stream down their cheeks. However, they soon wiped them out and gave each other a manly smirk as GD went closer to Younbae's ear and I heard him whisper in English "Keep one for me.", pointing at the girls.

YB blushed with a nervous smile and I smacked GD behind the head. What a macho! Yet they both laughed at it and we finally left.

However, in the car, GD's boyish smile soon left his face and he kept looking at the landscape outside with a blank expression. Not even Seunghyun dared to disturb his thoughts as we kept talking, pretending we were not watching him. When we finally arrived and I asked him if everything was alright, he gave me a confident look and said he was fine. Looking at the two others, he straightened up and went on with a determined tone: things were okay now. He knew what to do. He said he would help me in the future to get Joseph and the lab punished for what they've done, especially since I promised him I would do everything I could about it.

"Let's not give up, guys. You can count on me!" he assured them with fire in his eyes.

At these words, we were definitely reassured and confident as well.

Three more left! Then I will try to gather as much proof as I can about Joseph's activities. I'm aware I can't make the Pentagon fall for operating it all. However, with enough proof, I can definitely make the public be on our side. Plus they will definitely detach themselves of Jo for good. Now the question is, why don't we still have any news of him? What is he doing?

LET'S NOT FOCUS ON THAT, JOAN. FOR NOW, WE STILL GOT TO PROTECT MY DONGSAENGS. I AM GLAD JIYONG IS OUR LEADER. HE IS STRONG. I AM PROUD OF HIM. AND MOST OF ALL, I AM PROUD OF YOU, NOONA.

YOU'RE CUTE WHEN YOU BLUSH J

Saranghae, Bingu Seunghyun ;)

안녕히 주무세요,

E Joan AND 최승현 3


	22. Monday May 18th 2015

I'm watching you sleeping, Seunghyun. And it's the most beautiful sight in the world. Your chest lifting up and down gently, your soft messed up hair, your half opened lips looking so kissable, the little black eyelash resting on your cheekbone below your closed eye… I want this picture to remain in my retinas, like when you stare at the sun for too long. I wish we could stop time right here right now. I wish tomorrow would never come. I wish you could stay by my side forever. But if saving you implies to not see you again, or at least before a long, long time, even though I hate it, then I will let you go. But before that, I'll manage to make your sweet voice call my name again when you wake up. And I'll call yours as well.

Now we've passed half of our missions. There's only the three of us. I must say, today was particularly stressful.

This morning, I noticed Seungri was the first to be at the table, eating breakfast with Kwon and Mum as she seemed to be in deep conversation with him. He didn't look so well. When I arrived with Seunghyun and G-Dragon, they both stopped talking. Then, after we sat down and started eating, I caught Mum giving encouraging signs to Seungri to do something. After a while, he looked at her, then looked at us and took a deep breath.

"I don't want to be next." he declared and took his head in his hands. "I'm sorry. I know it should be me since we said GD must stay to keep an eye on us and Seunghyun and noona probably want to stay together… But I don't feel ready yet! I can't do this! Please don't let me be next!" he begged.

Then, there was a small silence.

"It's okay." Seunghyun suddenly said and got up. "I'll be next then."

When he said that, I instinctively took his hand and tried to make him sit down again and shut up. When GD caught a glimpse of that, he smirked at the three of us.

"Yah, I hope you're kidding me." he said to his hyung. "You don't intend to let noona all by herself yet, do you? Besides, you've been useless for too long so it's time you take some responsibility. I'll be next." he finally declared.

"We can't let you do that after what you said yesterday!" Seunghyun exclaimed.

"Why not?" his dongsaeng asked. "Why should your argument be better than mine?"

"Because… because… I'm taller than you." His hyung sheepishly replied which made GD smile.

"Touché."

"Can you guys please sit back down?" Mum asked the boys in an annoyed, half-asleep tone. "I got up earlier to make tea and soup for everyone so just drink it before it gets cold!"

As for the maknae, he remained silent, looking guiltier than ever.

"Don't pull such a face, dongsaeng!" GD said and ruffled his hair. "You get to spend one more day with noona and noona's Mum. Isn't that awesome?"

Upset, Seungri pushed back his hyung's hands, looking angrily at him.

"Only noona and noona's mum get to touch my hair!" he said and fixed it with his own hands even though it didn't need to since it was too short to be arranged otherwise.

"You see? No need to feel guilty about leaving him." Seunghyun replied, looking at GD. "He'll be fine without any of us!" he added and pinched Seungri's cheek.

Although he was pretending to ignore them, I could tell, looking in Seungri's eyes that he was refraining from biting both of his hyungs. That's a sign his mood was better ;P

Eventually, it was time for G-Dragon to become Kwon Jiyong again. So we drove to Jiyong's city, Suwon. As he had seen both of his dongsaengs do before him, when we went out of the car, he tried not to be taken by surprise by the waves of memories that overwhelmed him at the sight of the building. It looked poorer than the two previous ones. Some of its windows were broken, fixed with tape and plastic film and the walls were covered with obscene graffiti. As we approached it, Jiyong kept a slow pace, neither behind nor ahead of us, just staying by our side as if we were just taking a walk in the park. He kept his poker face on as well.

"You're okay?" I asked.

"Something is not right." he admitted, barely looking at me. "I have mixed feelings about this."

I rang the bell. It was a woman, just like the first time. As she let us in, Jiyong's expression became more and more complicated the closer we arrived to the main entrance. Once we were inside, his eyes scanned the place and were then fixed on placards on the wall, small ads, humanitarian posters and an anti-bullying advertisement.

For the third time, as Seunghyun helped me, I talked to the middle-aged receptionist about the boys' story and how sorry I was about not having any official document. However, this time, her eyes lit up as soon as she heard Jiyong's name and she opened a drawer to look at some papers.

"I remember this boy. Kwon Jiyong…" she repeated thoughtfully. "Poor boy's life was not easy here. He was bullied a lot."

"Bullied?" I repeated, surprised.

The lady nodded.

"Children who come here are not always the sweetest, to say the least. Sometimes, they come from families in which they were either beaten or neglected. Sometimes they would learn from their parents' behavior and try to seek power and negative attention by bullying children who happen to be younger, weaker, or just a little different than them-"

"-and Jiyong was one of them." I cut her off to make clear she didn't need to lecture me any further; I knew from experience about bullying too.

She confirmed.

"He wasn't a difficult child. He just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. And since the poor boy loved to act as the Good Samaritan most of the time, he was bullied more often than the others."

"What's wrong with being a Good Samaritan?" I replied disdainfully, shocked at her comment which I thought sounded cynical.

"Nothing." the lady humbly replied. "According to me, you just need to know when and where to do it. That's all."

"Then there is no point in-" I tried to add, but then Seunghyun cut me off.

"Please tell us if we can talk to the director."

He was right to do so. For a second, I was too drawn to my own past. We were still on a mission after all! The receptionist looked at us both with a cold expression.

"I'm sorry. You can't. The director is very busy for the next three days."

"Three days? We don't have three days!" I exclaimed so loudly that some heads turned at me.

However, the fifty-year old remained stoic.

"Miss, there are a lot of couples trying to adopt in here. You can't just come in here unannounced and expect your son to be welcomed with open arms. Some of the future parents take an appointment a year in advance and come from the other side of the globe to see us!"

For some reason, she sounded a little defensive there. Yet I couldn't care less about what she was saying. Even when we showed her Jyong, she stood by her point and said that anybody could change their hair color and pretend to be him since children change a lot from 10 to 20. I hate the fact that she had a point. She sighed and told me to give me my number. Maybe she could manage to see if the director could see us for ten minutes in the next hour but she made no promises so we might as well stay around for a bit longer. I scrambled my number on a piece of note and we left. Once we got outside, I couldn't help but kick the concrete bench we were sitting on in frustration.

"That stuck-up old hag!" I exclaimed. "I'm sure she recognized you, no matter what she said. But she'd rather let you live in the street than forget about the procedure for one freaking hour!"

The boys didn't look any happier. Jiyong seemed particularly gloomy.

"I remembered her face. But I couldn't tell her name." he grunted, angry at himself.

Since there was no use in screaming and damaging my shoes any more, I tried to change the subject:

"She said that, apparently, you were bullied a lot in here. Do you remember any of that?"

He suddenly became thoughtful.

"Little by little." he replied. "I remember… I remember a boy younger than me crying in the toilets and boys older than me surrounding him and calling him names. I think I was eight or something like that. I remember I told our teacher and the next day, these guys were following me everywhere. I remember they called me names too. "Tattletale", "Scum", "Freak"… They'd lock me up in the classroom. They'd sneak to our dorm in the middle of the night to wet my bed and pretend it was me. They'd make fun of my red hair too. I remember one of them pulled hard on it all the time to check if it was real. I remember it made me cry and they made fun of it, saying that I cried like a girl. They were three, I recall now. The guy who pulled my hair was their leader, a big stubby guy, maybe one or two years older than the rest of us. I was shorter than the other boys my age so I knew I stood no chance against him in a fight. So instead, we would play pranks on them and I would organize the plans with the others of my class. They wouldn't always work but at least, they were fun to set in place. Plus I loved how people would listen to me instantly."

"Why am I not surprised?" I asked, smiling.

Jiyong had a small joyful smile, which faded a little as he was still lost in his thoughts.

"Sometimes… I wouldn't tell anybody but… I also dreamed about the day I would be strong enough to go after them and beat the sh*t out of them. I'd target the areas to hit on their faces, their stomachs… I'd imagine them crawling on the floor, afraid of me, begging for mercy… Especially the stubby guy… Park Hon-jun. I remember his name now."

"It must be have been a hard time." I said sympathetically.

Jiyong nodded.

"When the agents from "the special program" came to put us to the test, when I passed it and they took me, I thought everything would be fine from now on. I guess there's a reason why my power is not to read the future." he said with a painful smirk.

"You always judge things too fast, Jiyong. That's no secret to anybody." Seunghyun said and we chuckled.

"Tell me about it," Seungri added. "at least you guys know what your power is. As for me, I might live on without ever getting one! It's annoying!"

"Right, because feeling like whatever you eat and drink burns holes in your stomach is not enough." Jiyong replied sarcastically. "You really want to have your legs feeling like tearing apart every day? Make your bones crack at night?"

"Yeah," Seunghyun went on, "you're sure you want that one more shot that might make your brain explode for good and make people afraid of you once they realize what you're capable of?"

The maknae shrugged.

"It's not like I really WANT my brain to explode but, out of sheer curiosity, yeah."

His hyungs looked at each other and sighed, desperate. As for me, I observed the three of them.

"I didn't know it was that painful to you guys." I told them, feeling sorry. "At least you look better than during your first days of freedom… Does it still hurt that much?"

The three of them looked at each other.

"Less and less, don't worry." they said, although I couldn't tell whether they were lying or not.

I then looked at my phone and sighed. We had been waiting for two hours and there was still no sign of the director or the old hag.

"Well, I guess it won't be for today, Jiyong-ah. I'm sorry." I said and got up.

"Don't worry, noona. We can still come back in two days. Maybe things will be better then."

"Yeah, I hope so."

We then left. However, as we headed towards the car, we ran into a group of tall young men. The first one, the smallest though he was still at least as tall as Seungri, stumbled as I bumped into him.

"Watch where you're going, damn it!" he shouted at me in a drunken voice, keeping his head bowed, his cap covering half of his face.

The two others sneered. They all smelled like beer and cold tobacco and their clothes didn't seem to have been washed for ages. Suddenly, one of them, a skinny guy with tattoos all over his neck froze and took the other one by the shoulder.

"Yah, Hon-jun-hyung! Look who it is!" he exclaimed and looked directly at Jiyong.

The name seemed to ring a bell in the boy's mind. I myself felt like it was familiar. Wasn't it the name of the bully Jiyong had talked about earlier?

Said Hon-jun raised his sweaty face at us and his eyes grew wide. His dry lips pronounced Jiyong's name inaudibly. He even raised a hand towards his red hair like, it seemed, an old reflex, to which Jiyong instinctively responded by ducking away from him. The man laughed loudly in surprise.

"Holly sh*t! Guys, that's really him!"

"So I was right, then! He came back!" the tattooed one replied.

"We were just hanging around when hyung thought he saw someone who looked like him come out of that car!" the other guys explained, pointing at out vehicle behind him as we probably looked confused, grinning with half of his teeth missing.

Although we were just a few feet away from it, the three guys kept blocking our way, still laughing and staring at us like zombies.

"It's been so long! We've got to go somewhere to celebrate! Come on!" Hon-jun said and tried to take Jiyong by the arm.

However, the latter stepped back, staring at his former bully in the eyes. There was suddenly a small silence and their smiles faded. I tried to help and replied with a polite smile:

"We're sorry guys, we can't stay. It's been a pretty tiring day. We were just leaving."

We then tried to move past them but none of them budged.

"Yeah, well…" Hon-jun went on. "It's been a pretty tiring day for us too. Doing nothing all day except drinking and admiring the pretty sunshine." he slowly articulated in a sarcastic tone.

"That's the only pretty thing in this sh*thole anyway." the one with missing teeth retorted and let out a thick brown spit on the sidewalk.

"You see," Hon-jun said, talking directly to Jiyong again. "the three of us remember you. We weren't as lucky as you. We weren't as cute or as smart as you. Nobody adopted us. That's right, nobody!" he said, looking at us for a moment then went back to Jiyong. "And eventually, we got out because we were too old to stay, they say. But we ain't stupid. We know that's because we've always been bad publicity to them. So they shooed us away as soon as they could. Well, look at us now, Ji. Look at us. We look like monsters, don't we? How does it feel to have taken our only chance to get out? Huh?" he started screaming. "How does it feel to have succeeded in your special program and come back to laugh in our faces? Is that why you came back? To make fun of us? Like there hasn't been enough people in our life to tell us how f*cking useless we are!"

Hon-jun was now puffing heavily like an angry bull, sweat dripping from under his cap as he took it off to wipe it out from his greasy hair with one of his dirty sleeves.

"Sorry. Forget what I said. It doesn't matter now." he said with a bitter smile as the others kept looking down, resigned. "We are born from monsters so we live like monsters. We got it. C'est la vie."

"Don't say things like that-" I said and tried to reach him, feeling sympathetic.

However, I then felt my hand being smacked away as he then spit in my face:

"Don't touch me. Nobody talked to you, ape."

"What did you call her?" Seunghyun replied as he placed himself between him and me, glaring at him from very close.

The others moved forward and pushed us both back as one of them then took out a pocket knife and played with it under Seunghyun's nose.

"What is it, big boy? You want a piece of us? Huh? Is that what you want?" the tattooed guy said provocatively, his hand dancing with the blade playfully. "Come on! Play with us!"

"Careful what you wish for." Seunghyun answered coldly.

For a second, I saw his eyes become dark again. He was obviously back in his usual defensive mode as he kept protecting me, encouraging me silently to step back. At that moment, I felt my blood run cold in my veins again.

"Is that a threat?" Hon-jun said as he pushed the tattooed guy lightly and smirked. "Ok, here's my answer!"

He then lunged himself at us with his fist tightened. However, the impact of the punch I had been expecting to hear didn't happen and, as I opened my eyes, I saw Jiyong holding his bully's fist in his palm with a stern face, his jaws tightened.

"I've had enough of this crap." he murmured. "You guys aren't looking for revenge. You're just looking for trouble. You always did. Because that's all you think you're good at. That's how bored and stupid you are."

As Hon-jun tried to punch him again, Jiyong blocked his second fist and barely moved an inch as the latter kept trying to escape from his grip. The two others kept looking at each other, unable to decide whether to attack or not. However, as Seungri and Seunghyun faced them, they stood where they were as Jiyong went on, still looking at Hon-jun's eyes:

"You know what? It turns out I had some tough moments in my life too. Maybe they were tougher than yours. You have no idea! But I don't go around bragging about how I survived my past misery. I want to move on!" he said and pushed Hon-jun so hard he fell on his back as he then looked at Jiyong, flabbergasted by his strength.

Jiyong's expression remained cold and serious. Though he had total power over his prey, just like in his dream he told me about, there was no trace of hate or anger in his voice when he talked again:

"I remember you too. And not just because you bullied me. Back when we were kids, you'd always complain about how teachers hated you and how you were the last of our class because of your parents' education, because of our caretakers, because of us, because of me… There was always someone or something to blame. Maybe it's time guys you realize the reason you're here is because you guys are full of crap and never tried harder than that to get out of it. Just because you're "destined" to become something doesn't mean you have to. Some people showed me that only you decide what you become." he said, looking at Seunghyun and I before he went back to Hon-jun. "Obviously, you guys went for the easy way, the crappy way."

He then took a step forward and Hon-jun crawled back in fear as he leaned closer:

"Get a life. And stay out of mine." he said and then stared back at the two others as well.

When Hon-jun stood up, completely sobered up, the three of them stepped back, ran in the other direction and disappeared at the corner of a street. It seemed little Jiyong had grown up a little too much for their taste.

"You're okay?" he asked and turned at us, looking soft and concerned again.

We smiled and nodded at him.

"We're good, boss." Seunghyun said and put a hand on his leader's shoulder who grinned cutely at his hyung. He looked so different from three minutes ago!

As we were about to get in the car, we got interrupted again by someone calling us. When I turned to see who it was, I saw the old lady from the reception of the orphanage scamper towards us.

"Headmaster Yang wants to see you." she said, catching her breath. "He saw everything from his window. He delayed his afternoon schedule. He wants to talk to you personally."

When we heard, we looked at each other, at first confused, then prouder than ever. No need to wait any longer ^^

Headmaster Yang Hyun-suk looked younger than any man his age. Though his looks were cold and rather scary, his words sounded sincere through his stern tone when he talked to us in his office:

"I'd like to thank you for what you did this afternoon. These kids often come back here, especially at this time of the year, when foreigner couples arrive, to vandalize the building and scare them away. Unfortunately, most of the time, they succeed. This orphanage suffers from a bigger lack of funds every year and these guys don't make the situation any easier, which is also the reason why Miss Haeun didn't let you in at first. She was too scared you'd be like them and try to attack me personally. However, like I said, I'm glad you guys made them leave. Especially you, Kwon. I'm glad you came back."

When he heard that, Jiyong smiled warmly.

"I must say, I'm also curious about the reason why you came back." the director added.

Jiyong explained it all. As we kept observing them, the director frowned and kept nodding from time to time, looking more and more serious, as if in deep thoughts. When Jiyong was done, he remained silent at first.

"Unfortunately," he eventually answered, "we can't hire you as a staff member. We don't have enough money to recruit anyone else. We also can't help you find an apartment since it's not in our function. I hope you understand that."

Jiyong nodded. It seemed he was the only one in the room to not be intimidated by his direct statements.

"Yet, since you are an exceptional kid and we might need your presence around for a while, I will definitely help you personally by talking to some of my contacts."

Eventually, he took his phone in front of us and contacted the local police captain with whom the latter "daily" (I quote mister Yang here) complains about the lack of personnel. Plus since the criminal rate is so high in the neighborhood, they lack of motivated recruits. They would especially need team leaders, they said. Due to the number of assaults in the streets, a lot of citizens left, leaving a lot of cheap vacant accommodation behind. Oh the irony :3 Though mister Yang kept a stern face, I could see his eyes shine as Jiyong grinned and we all hugged him from behind in excitement. In the end, Jiyong's presence was said to be welcome there by tomorrow morning on probation and, I quote the captain (after a translation from Seunghyun), he was eager to meet Jiyong since he was so warmly recommended by his dear friend mister Yang. In the meantime, the boys' leader would spend the night at his former orphanage. Mission 3: SUCCESS 8D !

When we left, mister Yang and GD were still exchanging memories of ten years ago and we even heard the director laugh with him. It was like the return of the prodigal son to his father's home J. As Jiyong accompanied us to say goodbye, Mister Yang kept a bright smile which illuminated his whole face.

I guess leaving GD behind was too much. In the car, though Seungri kept trying to hide from our eyes in the rearview mirror, I caught him looking worried as he let silent tears roll down his cheeks and sniffle from time to time. At some point, Seunghyun turned and looked him in the eyes as the maknae quickly wiped the corner of his eyes with his sleeve.

"Don't worry, dongsaeng." he said. "I'll be next."

At this moment, though I remained silent, I was now the one holding my tears back, biting my lips and tightening my grip on the wheel with both hands.

I know it's immature, I know. But at this moment, I couldn't hate you more, Seunghyun. I know we are supposed to separate in the end one way or another but I couldn't take it anymore. Half of our team was gone. And when you both leave, I will be all alone again. Except this time, there wouldn't be Joseph or anybody else by my side then. I couldn't hate this situation more. I hated you for leaving me, I hated Seungri for confessing his (legit) fear, I hated Jiyong for leaving with a smile on his face, I hated Youngbae and Dae Sung too, I hated Joseph, I hated Mum, I hated Mr. Yang… My brain kept looking for people to hate, people to blame, no matter how little sense it made to blame and hate them since they were not responsible…

For the first time in ages, I was cold with you, Seunghyun. I wanted to make you feel guilty. Since it would be inappropriate to try to make you change your mind, I tried to make you feel mad, make you feel sad…For an hour, I felt like I wanted you to suffer quietly but intensely as much as me. I guess this is what hate, pain and revenge taste like. Don't they? You tell me. I went to the bedroom without saying good night as soon as we finished dinner. However, as I was waiting for you in the bedroom, as soon as I heard you sit next to me on the bed in the dark, as soon as I felt your arm around me, I couldn't help but cry and rest against your chest. You took me in your arms and told me not to worry, that everything would be okay. You said you were ready to face whatever was ahead. I told you that I already knew it. I added that Mum, Kwon and I would support you if you couldn't find help. I told you that I believed in your strength (and I do). So you asked me why I was still crying then.

The concern in your soft voice made me choke on my tears. I got up and went to the corner of the room with my back at the window to hide them. When you walked towards me, I remember I tried to hit you because I knew that once you'd touch me, I'd break down for sure. Of course, it took you no time to grab my wrists. But that made me struggle even harder until I stopped and sobbed for good. I asked you to forgive me. I said that I knew I was being selfish and childish and weak. I said that I just didn't want you to leave me. I was going to miss you so much! Of all the boys, you were the one I was the least ready to let go.

Though I thought my words would upset you, or at least worry you, to my surprise, I saw you smile softly in the moonlight. You then took my face in your hands and kissed it all over my forehead, my cheeks, my lips... just like I had done to you. Does that mean you were trying to heal me the same way? Then, as your lips were close to mine you whispered "Thank you". When I asked you why, you said it's because you felt honored. For the first time, someone was crying over you. And not only were you loved, but you were preferred over everyone else. And that was the best thing that could ever happen to you. Yes you are my favorite, Seunghyun. You definitely are. As you rested my head against your chest, I heard your heart beat like a war drum. I enjoyed that sound.

Then your lips caught mine. It was slow and gentle at first, both of us savoring it like the rarest wine. However, things heated up pretty quickly as you tangled your tongue around mine for the third time and I slipped my fingers through your hair. You then caught me off guard when you made us switch places and you pinned me against the mattress. When I felt the weight of your body on mine and the burning heat of your skin all over my body, I realized I wanted you. Badly. Here. Tonight.

You had such eyes, Seunghyun… I felt so loved, so cherished, so precious in your arms… I saw drops fall on the pillow next to my face. We were both so entranced it could have been sweat falling from your hair. But I'm almost sure it was not just that: your eyes looked pretty shiny too… I want you to know that no man ever made love to me like that. I'm so glad you're mine. And that I'm yours.

And now, although I spend the last hours there, I'm eager to get back in your arms in the morning. I'm watching you sound asleep. I must say, though you're no night owl like me, you're still pretty hard to tire! Not that I complain about it. On the contrary :P But I must say, I'll definitely wake up with dark circles and lovely cramps tomorrow ^^

It's okay. As long as I can still take mental pictures of you sleeping like an angel next to me, smell your scent on my skin, enjoy the remaining taste of your lips on mine, watch you smile in your sleep as I slide my hand in your hair, right now, I could take an oath to never sleep again. I'll do anything to prevent that innocent figure to have any nightmare ever again. Sadly, the best way to do so is to let you find your home. Your real home.

Speaking of "home" by the way… about the America thingy… you know, going back home and stuff? …Screw it, why do I even call it "go back home"? No-one is waiting for me there! My family is here and all my childhood friends have left a long time ago to Europe or someplace else! Staying here or there wouldn't make any difference, really!

So like I said, about America, I think I...

I don't have the courage to type it yet.

I guess I'd better tell you about it tomorrow. I never took such a big decision in my life. But if my instinct is right, and if you make me courageous enough to take it, then it might be the best decision of my life. If not… well, at least I know it won't end up like with Joseph

But you're not Joseph. I know it. You're Seughyun. Choi Seunghyun. My Seunghyun. 승현…승현…승현… Bingu승현 ^^

And I'm not Miss Joan Clarke. I'm Joan-noona. Joan-jagiya.

안녕히 주무세요 자기야, E E 조안-누나 3 3 


	23. Tuesday May 19th 2015

Hello hello journal.

I'm okay. I'm strong. I'll deal with not seeing Seunghyun for a while even though I already miss him a lot. He has found a home. He has found his memory back. Now he is not T.O.P, second subject of the first generation of boy-soldiers anymore. He is just Choi Seunghyun, son of Choi Man-Shik and Choi Myung, born on November 4, 1993 in Ansung. He is a very clever, funny boy and the most adorable man on the planet.

During breakfast, as none of the three of us would say a word at first, Kwon and Mum kept trying to engage us into conversation. So we kept talking about anything but today's program. Yet our faces, at least Seunghyun's and Seungri's, would show other emotions than our tone.

Once we all got in the car, as we were heading to Ansung again, Seungri kept saying how sorry he was and tried to convince us to turn back and go back home. His guilty attitude was cute at first but after an hour, as we kept driving closer and closer to Seunghyun's city, it was more and more useless and his whining was getting annoying. So much so that Seunghyun even started beat-boxing as to cover Seungri's voice and make it sound like he was rapping his protests which, I must admit, sounded pretty funny ^^ I started rapping along and the maknae, in defeat, joined me and the three of us went on as I tried to find my way in the city.

However, as Seungri and I were still improvising, the closer we got to the street of the orphanage, the quieter Seunghyun became. After a while, he had completely turned towards his window, scanning everything outside, barely blinking. He didn't even notice when I took his hand and asked him if he was okay. When I stopped the car a few streets away from the building and we opened our doors, as I turned towards him, I saw he had his cold blank face again. We walked together towards his orphanage without a word. I tried to do small talk with him, commenting about the beauty of the streets and the weather just to get a reaction from him… All he did was barely nodding or grumbling monosyllabic answers. I saw Seungri stay behind him for some reason. He looked strangely determined and focused on his hyung. Suddenly, when the building was fully in our field of vision, Seunghyun froze for a second, then turned back and started dashing in the other direction. Luckily Seungri was there to catch him. As he was now struggling in the maknae's arms, he suddenly grasped his hair, which made him scream, then planted his eyes on his. Thinking fast, I instinctively rushed towards them both and covered Seunghyun's eyes with my palms, hugging him from behind like I would to a terrified animal. As he tried to shake us both off, he pushed Seungri hard and turned to try to hit me. In the blink of an eye, I brought my arms to my face for protection and Seungri quickly moved to stand between him and me. As he was about to throw a punch, Seunghyun froze and the three of us stood in our positions, immobile. He then unclenched his fist, ran towards me and took me in his arms.

"It's gonna be harder than I thought." he whispered against my shoulder.

I shushed him reassuringly and he tightened his hold on me. Even Seungri tried to comfort him by patting his shoulder, even though he kept his arm extended at maximum in case he'd try to throw a punch again.

Seunghyun didn't let go of my hand as I talked to the receptionist through the gate, then talked to them in person. As one of them guided the second one through the archives of former residents, they both mumbled to one another as they seemed to be unable to find the file. I myself was starting to have doubts: were we in the wrong city? We obviously couldn't, judging by Seunghyun's reaction and the name on the document from the lab. Then why wasn't his file there? As both young ladies were beginning to panic, they called a third member who explained to me with a bright smile that they were still in the photocopy room since someone had come about an hour ago to collect Seunghyun's file as well as any documented trace of him: every report card, every list in which his name appeared, every teacher's note about him, every the drawings he made as a kid were gone! I felt myself pale and couldn't believe my ears. When I asked the three of them who asked for these documents, they said it was confidential. Of course it was... I took Seunghyun by the hand and, as Seungri followed, the three of us left the building.

When Seungri asked us what was going on, surprised, I looked at Seunghyun who was now frowning, deep in thoughts. I knew he was thinking the same as me. It didn't matter whether these documents were copied and not stolen: somebody else was looking for him; someone who probably knew about our plan; somebody who would probably go after Seunghyun once we left him at the orphanage. And we knew too well who that "somebody" could be.

"We can't leave you there anymore." I said and Seunghyun nodded. "I guess the guy who took your file is still around. Let's look for him."

The three of us went back to the car. As I started the engine and we drove through the streets, I saw the silhouette of a tall, slim man carrying a thick dossier in his arm, going out of a café. When I pointed at him to the boys, they got out of the car and I followed them. I walked towards the man with both boys behind me and tapped him on the shoulder lightly. When he turned, the first thing that struck me was how old and weary he looked. Though he was probably in his mid-thirties, his face looked at least ten years older; it was pale with dark circles under the eyes and his cheeks were lightly emaciated. Just like every time our weird group would talk to strangers, his attitude went from polite annoyance to surprise as he lightly stepped back and tightened his grip on the dossier he was carrying. However, he then looked at the three of us more closely, especially Seunghyun. As I glanced at the dossier, I recognized Seunghyun's name written in hangul on the side.

"You came." the man breathed out with a smile. "Finally. I don't have to look for you anymore."

He looked particularly relieved to say it. Yet the four of us stood where we were.

"Who are you?" I asked him, reminding him of my presence as I was still facing him.

The man looked surprised to hear me speak Korean. He didn't answer right away as if something was wrong, then turned towards Seunghyun again with a serious look.

"You mean you don't recognize me?"

I turned at Seunghyun and saw he was looking at the man right in the eyes with an intense look. The man's expression changed again and his voice went sterner:

"Or maybe you _do_ recognize me. You just haven't forgiven us yet. That's the most logical explanation."

"I have absolutely no idea of who you are." Seunghyun assured him, his voice sounding strangely close to the man's own.

I couldn't tell whether he was lying or not. Plus I was confused. If he belonged to the lab like I thought he did, why would he ask him to _forgive_ him?

"We had no choice, ok?" the man went on. "We did what we could! We took a decision. It was tough because you were still a baby but we thought it was for the greater good. We didn't live so happily afterwards, trust me. We still regret it today."

"The hell I hope you do!" I exclaimed with my arms crossed on my chest.

However, as I was about to go on, Seunghyun stopped me with a gesture of the hand without breaking eye contact with the stranger. Did that mean the man's face rang a bell after all?

"Come with me." the man said, extending his hand towards him. "We don't have much time."

Seunghyun didn't answer. He seemed to hesitate, which made me worry.

"And what if he says no?" Seungri asked and took a step forward.

As the three of us were staring right at him, for a second, the man looked even more tired, as if the weight of the dossier was enough to suck him dry of his last energy. Then his face toughened up and he glared at Seunghyun.

"Then I won't hesitate to force you, dongsaeng." he said and shoved a hand in his coat pocket.

In the blink of an eye, Seungri lunged at him and seized his wrist, his free hand balled in a tight fist aimed at his opponent's face.

"Would you?" Seungri asked softly, his eyes shooting fire at the man and his grip on him so tight his joints were whitened.

Though the man was obviously in pain, he tried to keep a straight face as he was now looking directly at Seungri.

"Let go of me, kid. It's none of your business. Whether he wants it or not, it's his duty to go see his father!" he exclaimed, pulling a crumpled picture out of his coat pocket and holding it in front of Seungri's face.

The maknae looked at it, amazed, as he then handed it to me and Seunghyun. It was the photo of a family of five, all boys, and a fat middle-aged man holding the youngest in his arms. I recognized Seuhyun's features in the four-year-old grinning mischievously at the camera with a missing tooth and a peace sign. I also looked at the man's face and saw he was the oldest of the three others in the picture. I assumed the one holding the camera was Seunghyun's mum. There was a second picture of both her and Seunghyun's dad holding each other tenderly with his mum showing the same cheeky smile as Seunghyun and his dad smiling politely and looking straight at the camera, obviously trying as hard as he could not to look awkward.

"He's very sick." the man said. "The doctors gave him three weeks at max. You should go see him while you still can. He wants to see you at all cost, even if it means sending me to the other side of the globe to get you."

I looked straight at Seunghyun. He seemed more hesitant than ever. He glanced at the man, then me, then nodded without a word. When I asked the man where their home was, he said it was outside of the city, in a small village. Seungri suggested we took the car and we all agreed. However, as we all got in, Seunghyun and the man were the last to follow us as the man turned and extended a hand towards him.

"Come on, little brother." he said.

Seunghyun stayed silent as he did what he was told, ignoring the man's hand as he sat in the back reluctantly, ignoring the maknae trying to make him laugh. I felt bad to let the older man sit in the front-seat with me, even though I had no choice since I needed directions. Looking in the rearview mirror from time to time, I saw Seunghyun keep his eyes hidden behind his hair, so tensed the atmosphere seemed harder to breathe by the second in the small car.

We went across a lot of empty streets, corners and crossroads which led us further away from the city center and from the orphanage. We finally arrived to some village with large fields of onions, leeks or whatever, on each side of the road. We then finally arrived to a big traditional farmhouse with a grayish blue roof supported by pillars on the edges and narrow tiled windows.

"Welcome home." the big brother, Yong-sun, mumbled when he got out of the car as if he regretted inviting us already.

Silent fell on us as soon as we took out our shoes and got in. There were more pictures of the four boys and their dad. Of course, Seunghyun's face was nowhere to be seen, neither was their mum's. The furniture around us looked both very old and expensive. It felt as if we were in the house of a dead king of some rich land and it was still haunted by it. It was also very dusty. Any movement was enough to raise thick tiny clouds of it. Without a word, Yong-sun led us through the rooms one by one. As we passed next to a guestroom, I saw the bed was barely undone and a big suitcase was open yet clothes were still folded in it. I assume that bedroom belonged to the big brother. He finally led us to the main bedroom which was dimly lit.

"Elders and parents are sacred in this country." he said, looking straight at me, then Seunghyun. "No matter what you think of him, please show him some proper respect. Or you'll have to deal with me."

In the back of the room, an old man was resting on a futon with his back on us, buried under a large stack of fine silk blankets. When he heard us come in, he turned his head lightly, then his whole body towards us slowly. He had tubes in his nose, his skin was yellowish and he had barely any hair left. He had the same black piercing eyes as his son, their stare accentuated by the paleness of his face. When our eyes met, he said nothing at first, his wrinkled mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. Finally, he looked at his youngest son who was avoiding his stare.

"Hello Seunghyun." he said in a weak, yet very deep voice. "Let me see your face."

As Jong-sun pushed him forward from behind, his father kept staring at him as if he was looking at a ghost.

"I can't believe it's really you. You changed so much. I thought you'd never come back."

Then Yong-sun sat on his knees next to his father, facing us, and there was silence again. After a while, I shyly asked about what happened and why Seunghyun was left at the orphanage. And so, slowly but surely, they told us everything.

It turns out Seunghyun's mother died when he was 4 and after his father had spent all the family's money on her care, his own business decreased dramatically. So in the end, the only way to keep the house and keep feeding everyone was to separate from the only mouth to feed who couldn't work yet, unlike his three other brothers.

"I remember that day." the father said. "At first, you didn't understand what was going on. But when you did, you cried your eyes out. You kicked me. You bit the lady who tried to hold you until her hand bled. I remember your screams and all the staff members trying to keep you still as your brothers and I turned our backs and left the building."

"It sounded like someone was being murdered." Yong-sun mumbled to himself, shivering.

I myself couldn't help but feel goose-bumps on my arms as I imagined the scene. I already can't stand to see adults crying, so imagine a 4-year-old in sheer despair!

"I remember that too." Seunghyun said in a dark tone. "Only parts of it, but still clearly enough."

He didn't look particularly happy to retrieve that kind of memories.

"Your departure helped us survive a few more years." the father went on, now looking at the ceiling as if their story was written on it. "Afterwards, five, six years later, I think, as if to ironically punish us, God sent a big storm across the region. It destroyed all the neighbors' crops except ours, so business picked up again to the point we were even richer than before! But then, we couldn't stop thinking about you. When we heard you had been picked by agents of a special program, we knew it was too late. We would never see you again. Your two other brothers never forgave me. They left the house to attend college in Europe and never came back. Now they come once, maybe twice a year and send me cards on Christmas. Other than that, never a phone call, never a letter, nothing. Only your oldest brother came back to take care of me a few weeks ago when the doctors told him about my state."

"And I shouldn't be here." Jong-sun muttered. "It should be them instead. I don't care how expansive a return flight from Paris to Korea is. I have a life too. We all have our problems, you know? I've got a proper job and my own mouths to feed. I have my own family, a real family!" he exclaimed angrily.

"정선! 제대로 행동! ***** " his father snapped at him, which didn't match his previous soft tone at all.

 ** _*_** _"_ _Jong-sun! Behave yourself!"_

At these words, Jong-sun went silent again, staring at the ground, upset. It didn't seem to be the first time to neither of them to exchange that kind of words. I also noticed Seunghyun's father's glare was identical to his son's, maybe even scarier seeing how authoritative the man still was in spte of his sickness. I asked the man what his disease was.

"I have terminal hepatitis C." the old man told me casually (I managed to understand thanks to Seungri and Seunghyun's brother). "Seunghyun." the man called louder at his son who kept avoiding his eyes. "Please look at me, Seunghyun. Look at me!"

After a few more seconds of hesitation, Seunghyun finally looked back at him. Now there they were, eye to eye, piercing stare versus piercing stare.

"The reason I wanted you here is not just so you can watch me die and hear me spit on your brothers. They are still my sons after all. The reason I wanted you here is because I wanted to ask you one question: will you let me die without forgiving me? Please answer me honestly. I had enough lies in my life already; first about your mother's health, then me." he said, readjusting something under the sleeve of his pajamas which I recognized as a catheter.

That was quite a lot in one morning, I must say. Seunghyun probably thought the same. However, we had gone through so much in barely more than a week, it should not have surprised us that much, I guess.

Meanwhile, I noticed Seungri had gotten closer to me. However, unlike what I thought at first, judging by the way he put his hand on my shoulder, he didn't come to me for comfort, he came to comfort _me_. I was surprised by the mature look he suddenly had in his eyes. I guess the scene that was taking place in front of him made him realize that sooner or later, maybe he too would have to face that kind of situation and he'd be the one to support others. I rubbed his arm gently to make him understand that I was okay as we both looked at Seunghyun who was still staring at his father with a blank expression.

"No." he said out of the blue. "No, I can't forgive you. Not yet. How about I first tell you _my_ story and then we see who suffered the most all these years?"

I looked at him, panicked. He was not going to tell him the truth, was he?

"Why not?" he asked as if he had read my thoughts. "He's my father. He has the right to know what happened to his family. The dear family of both of you." he said, glancing at his big brother.

"Seunghyun, shut up." I cut him off sharply, glaring at him.

"No, I have to do this."

"No, you don't. Shut up!"

"Joan, stay out of this. This is my business. Not yours."

"Don't! Don't!" I said and ran towards him in order to cover his mouth with my hand.

However, he suddenly turned towards me and I felt myself frozen, unable to move as I couldn't look away from his eyes. Did he…? Oh no, he didn't ! He then sighed and came closer to me with a sorry look on his face as he put his hands of my cheeks.

"Please." he whispered. "Let me do this. I _need_ them to know. Or else I will never be done with it."

As he unfroze me and he kept pleading silently, I reluctantly nodded and let him talk to his father again as both him and his oldest son were now looking at us awkwardly, flabbergasted.

"Wait until they get the explanation to all this." Seungri said to my ear with a smirk when I joined him.

Seunghyun spared no detail. None at all. The lab, the false agents, the drugs, Joseph, the incident at the mall… He said it all in cold, neutral tone as he kept his eyes steady on his father's. Although I could see his palms were sweaty and his voice was a little shaky at first, his confidence soon came back as he mentioned every single confidential, gruesome part of Joseph's plan with them as his guinea pigs. He mentioned things even I didn't know about no matter how many times I heard that story. He mentioned me too at some point, which made me feel glad and a little embarrassed. However, he kept a straight face and an icy tone, as if he tried to tell his interlocutors: "You see? She supports me more than you ever did.".

His father and brother soon broke eye-contact with him as the father looked at the ground, frowning and Jong-sun kept his fists clenched. At some point, he got up and cut off his young brother:

"Are you trying to say that all of this happened because of us? We weren't even there when they took you away!"

"That's right." Seungyun replied. "You weren't there. You were miles away when it happened even though none of this would have happened without you to begin with. True, there was nothing you could do to reach me afterwards. Yet you still had six years before that. Six years!" he articulated slowly. "So of course you can still talk about all the tears you shed for me, all the times you prayed for me and stuff... However in the meantime, I can also still call you a bunch of cowards, hypocrites and greedy bastards."

"How dare you talk to Dad like that!" Jung-sun shouted and lunged at him.

He threw a punch towards Seunghyun's face which he dodged as he then hit his big brother right in the jaw. When Seungri tried to intervene to separate them, the poor maknae was punched in the nose and stepped back, bleeding. At some point, as Seunghyun pushed his brother against the wall, making a few picture frames fall and shatter on the ground and the thick layer of dust on the old furniture fell on them like snow. Pinning his elder and almost strangling him in the process, Seunghyun spread his eyelid with his free hand to force his eye to open wide. However, I managed to pull him back with all my strength to make him face me.

"Is that all you'll ever be? Just a monster?" I asked, as I planted my eyes on his, inches away from his face.

At my question, he stood in place, frozen, then slowly unclenched his fist on his brother's jacket and looked at us all as all eyes were on him.

"No." he whispered and let go of his brother. "I'm not a monster."

He gave me a long kiss on the forehead. In the meantime, I could tell Jong-sun still had difficulty to calm his pounding heart. Seunghyun then turned towards him and brushed the dust off his jacket awkwardly.

"I'm sorry." he said.

His brother let him do as he liked and when he heard his father bark his name, he cleared his throat.

"Well, I'm sorry too. I guess." he mumbled and took out a tissue of his pocket and handed it to Seungri so he could wipe the blood of his nose.

I then looked at his father, worried. Was he gonna kick us out? Would he ask Jong-sun to call the police? To my surprise, his expression was as calm as ever. He seemed proud to see his sons fight, like all brothers are supposed to do. He was almost smiling even.

Seughyun must have noticed it too as he turned towards the patriarch again and regained his composure.

"That doesn't mean you're forgiven, old man."

The patriarch didn't seem surprised at all by his answer.

"Let's go." Seunghyun said to Seungri as he then took my hand and we both reluctantly followed him towards the door.

However, Jong-sun stood up and blocked our way with both of his arms.

"You're staying here." he declared, his feet firmly planted on the ground.

"No, I'm not. Move." Seungri replied.

"Not until Dad says so."

"What's your name, young lady?" I head the father's deep voice ask.

I turned around and was startled to see he was now looking directly at me. God did he make me think of an old mafia leader! Was I supposed to expect goons to shoot us if we left the house?

"Joan. My name is Joan." I answered with a small voice.

"Come closer, Joan-ssi." he asked with an inviting gesture of his callous hand.

Though he resisted lightly, I let go of Seunghyun's hand and did as his father asked, clearly intimidated as I approached with baby steps. When I was close enough, he grasped my wrist and I screamed in surprise, which made Seunghyun and Seungri rush towards me. However, the old man smiled at them as he apologized politely and asked me to hold still and he pulled on my arm gently to sit up in his bed.

"You are right, son. I am a cowardly old man. I was scared of seeing you again because I was scared of your reaction. I was not ready to face your rejection after what I did to you. And I'm still not now. I know how sensitive you've always been. Back when he was a baby," he then declared, talking to me, "he would already drive me and my wife crazy, even more than the three others before him. Always crying, always soliciting us, always by our side no matter how busy we were. He was scared to do anything without his mother, then without me when she... Being separated of his family must be the most traumatizing experience a child can ever go through. And he went obviously through a lot afterwards, judging by his words. I must say, he looks much better than I thought he would, according to me. He's a strong, beautiful, clever young man now. And when he looks at you, young lady," he added in a softer voice, "I recognize the sparkle in his eyes his mother had when we dated at your age."

I felt my heart skip a beat at these words and looked shyly at Seunghyun who was now staring lovingly at me, which made me blush. I suddenly felt the old man hold my hand and I turned towards him once more.

"Can I ask you something, Joan-ssi?" he asked, to which I nodded, "I know you already did a lot for my son and I thank you for that. Please keep taking good care of him."

I smiled and bowed respectfully at him.

"No problem! It's an honor to be asked such a task, sir. But don't be wrong, your son also takes good care of me!"

He grinned at my answer as he then looked at Seunghyun.

"You've found yourself an excellent wife, Seunghyun. Or rather "girlfriend" since young people don't marry as early as we used to in my days… Treasure her. I miss my own wife a lot." he said in a lower voice and looked down. "Half of my children left and I'm probably gonna die alone in our old family home. I feel as if I haven't slept in centuries. At least, I'm gonna die having seen my youngest son's face one last time. Now I wish I could leave this world knowing I'm in peace with him… But that's ok. You can leave now." he said, looking away and waving gently as if to shoo us.

As he had kneeled next to him again, I saw Jong-sun's eyes become as big as saucers when he heard these words as he turned his head towards his father.

"You're kidding, right? We are not done yet!"

"Yes, we are. His answer is clear. Now let them go."

However, as we headed towards the exit, he blocked our way for the second time.

"Jong-sun." his father called him in a sharp tone. "Stop it. Obey me!"

"No, I won't! Not this time!" Jong-sun exclaimed. "I'm sick of this guilt! I'm sick of every conversation being about him! I'm sick of being stuck in the past with my little brother's ghost! How can you let him go now that we've finally found him? After all this time! If he could just say these three words "I forgive you", we could be free forever! But no! You give up! Again! Well, I won't!" he said, facing his brother. "For God's sake, we are sorry, okay? What more do you from want from us? Pay you? Crawl at your feet? Beat the sh*t out of me? Go ahead, tell me! I'm listening!"

His voice cracked on the last words. He looked more tired and his circles darker than ever as his eyes were now shining with tears. His features contracted the same way as Seunghyun as despair was now clearly painted on his face.

"I missed you so much." he added as tears flooded on both of his cheeks. "Please, make it stop."

Seunghyun seemed to hesitate a lot as I felt his hold tighten on my hand. However, I then heard him sigh loudly and he let go of me and turned around. There I watched him walk slowly towards his father's bed once more as the latter was lying down again, pretending to sleep. When he opened his eyes, he looked surprised to see his son stand above him once more. Then Seunghyun took his father's face in his hands and made him look up at his eyes.

"I forgive you, abonim." he murmured.

My heart almost broke when I suddenly heard the old man give a whimper and weep, tears pouring along his wrinkles. As Seunghyun pulled the blankets on his dad's shoulders, he kept crying and crying until he finally drowsed off and slept like a baby. As his cheeks were still shining with the streams of his tears, Jung-sun looked at his father breathe peacefully, his mouth agape, then turned towards Seunghyun.

"Thank you." he said as he walked awkwardly towards him as if his legs weren't obeying him anymore.

As he stood up in front of him, still hesitant, Seunghyun took him in his arms.

"You're welcome, hyung." he said.

In his turn, Jong-sun hugged him tight and sobbed quietly, his shoulders shaking lightly as I watched small wet circles form under his head on Seunghyun's own shoulder. When he finally calmed down, he finally let us through and showed us the way out. However, he was surprised to see that only Seungri and I walked towards the exit.

"It's my home after all, isn't it? And you said you wanted to go back to yours, don't you?" Seunghyun said with a small smile as he walked back towards his father and arranged his breathing tubes back behind his ears as it had fallen off, standing next to him in the evening light like some guardian angel.

Song-jun and I couldn't help but smile at it.

"You're right." his big brother said. "Welcome back home, dongsaeng."

It was time for us to go. After Seungri and his hyung hugged each other, Seunghyun's embrace being much stronger than the maknae (judging by Seungri's look, I think he broke a rib or two O_O). As I approached Seunghyun, I realized I had no idea how to say goodbye to him in front of his big brother. So I just smiled and bowed deeply at him even though all I wanted to do was shamelessly cling on to him like a koala to its tree. However, as I rose, he suddenly pulled me into a tight embrace and gave me a long kiss on the mouth, which made me blush like mad as I caught Jong-sun's glance from the corner of my eyes. I should've known his dongsaeng would be so impulsive . The two brothers accompanied us to the main exit. On the front door, when I heard the word "Goodbye" escape Seunghyun's lips, I did what I wanted and buried my face in his chest to prevent him from seeing the tears that were forming in my eyes. Then I brought my mouth closer to his ear and whispered:

"Saranghaeyo."

"Don't say that. It sounds as if we'll never see each other again." he replied and then looked at my face with a smile on his lips.

I'm glad to be the one to whom he smiles the most J

We finally parted. First our chests, then our arms, then our fingertips, and finally our eyes. I turned without looking back, keeping the image of his smile imprinted in my retina. Like the sun when you stare at it for too long.

I miss you now, Seunghyun. I really do. But I'm glad you found your family back. And you're safe. It's all that matters. Plus I know for sure that I'm not the only one who misses you. In the car, as soon as we were a few miles away from your village, Seungri immediately started singing off key! He would never dare to do that before since he is so proud of his voice (and he should)! I immediately joined him of course, but we still sang too well compared to you XP

So we sang at the top of our lungs and Seungri even opened the window to sing in the wind. It was fun! It's like there was still a little of you accompanying us back to our place.

I left the bedroom to Mum and Kwan. He must feel relieved to finally sleep in his own bed! As we both prepared to sleep, I couldn't help but keep sighing, thinking about you, and about tomorrow and all of you guys… When suddenly, I was surprised to hear our favorite maknae's words in the dark:

"You know, I'm glad to be the last. My little stratagem worked. Now I finally have you all for myself."

I threw a cushion at his head in response and then heard a little "Ow", which made me chuckle. I opened my eyes and managed to crawl towards Seungri's spot in the dark and ruffle his hair just to mess with him. Just as I thought, he instantly whined at it and tried to chase me away, complaining that he wished his hyungs were back to protect him from me.

I'm also glad he is the last. I realized I could not stand to be all alone after leaving you at last. Maybe Seungri unconsciously thought of that too. I know he's a good kid deep inside and all that airhead, bratty attitude is just an act. Of course, there's no way he'll ever admit it, let alone in front of me, his noona! I hope things will be okay for him tomorrow. I still got to take care of him too, after all. Don't worry guys, your maknae is in good hands!

Speaking of which, how am I supposed to call him now? I really don't feel like calling him Seunghyun, I still miss you too much :'( . When I asked him, he said he didn't mind to still be called Seungri since he was rather proud of it. I guess I'll have to find a compromise, then.

SH*T ! I forgot to tell you that I planned to stay in Korea! I gave you my phone number but I haven't taken your father's T_T. What did I have to be such a Pabo today? It's your fault, you distracted me too much, Bingu Seunghyun

Even when you're not with me, you still annoy me… But I still miss you. I miss you! I miss you! I miss you! I miss you! I hope you will call me soon… and pray for your dongsaeng. He says he feels more confident now, thanks to you!

사랑해요, 빙구-자기야,

E E 조안-누나 3 3 


	24. Wednesday May 20th 2015

Last day, boys. You can go and live your lives as you want now. You're all free. Forever.

Or so I thought.

The next day, when I woke up, the apartment was awfully quiet. Kwan and Mum were still sleeping. Yet Seung Hyeon (I know it sounds the same but as long as it's not written the same, I'm okay with that :p) was more excited than ever. His goofy smile was my main motivation during the whole morning. Even in the car, as I focused on the road, not in the mood to talk, and I let the radio on to keep him occupied, he kept staring and smiling at me insistently.

"What do you want? A cookie?" I asked with a wry smile.

"Why? Do you have any?" he asked and sat up, suddenly interested.

"No." I replied and he went back to his former position with a cute disappointed look. "Sorry." I added sheepishly. "It's an American expression. It means "Why are you looking at me like that?""

"I was wondering," he said thoughtfully, "will you cry when we say goodbye?"

His question took me off-guard and I paused to give it thought.

"Maybe. Why, do you want me to cry for you?" I asked with a smile.

He shrugged.

"I'm just asking. I know we don't share a particular bond. I'm the youngest and there's almost ten years of difference between you and me. I haven't developed any special power to impress you. I'm not as funny as Seunghyun or as smart as GD, I mean, Jiyong. I'm clumsy, I'm annoying, I'm gullible… I just wanna make sure that in the end, I still have marked you as much as the others, you know?"

His words moved me. That was probably the most sincere statement he ever made in our whole journey together. Surely that kid is smarter than I thought. As I kept an eye on the road, I turned and put my hand on his cheek with a smile.

"Of course, you marked me, pabo-ya! Besides, you definitely made a good impression at home! Ever since she met you, my mother keeps talking about you on every occasion. She says that if she could, she would adopt you. Can you imagine that? We'd be brother and sister! That's a bond I definitely don't share with Young Bae or Jiyong!"

Seung Hyeon faked a smile and kept watching the road in silence. It was easy to tell my argument did not convince him. I guess I understand why now. How could a flirtatious guy like him be satisfied to be called "brother" by the girl he tries to impress? I sighed, amused.

"Fine. Don't worry, I'll make sure to buy onions on the way to cry loud enough at the right moment. Will that be enough to prove my good faith?"

"We'll see." he said, pouting. "Anyway, I also wanted to talk to you in the name of everyone on the team." he said with a sudden serious look. "I just wanted to say "Thank you". For everything. We didn't say it enough to you, I think. Thank you for saving us, thank you for taking care of us, for teaching us everything you know about the world, for sacrificing so much for us. Most of all, thank you for not having given up on us. I guess we really needed someone who believed in us. And thank you for changing Seunghyun so much. Without you, he'd definitely be lost. Or dead. Twice. You don't seem to take it into account but we think you truly have what it takes to be a great heroin. And we're glad you've also changed because of us. It was a great honor to be by your side and, no matter what you do when we separate, I will definitely miss you a lot, noona."

I felt my heart melt, feeling so abruptly overwhelmed with gratitude I could not even smile at first. However, I suddenly blinked and grinned.

"Still not crying. Nice try though!"

"Damn it!" he said and put his face on his fists, exaggeratingly disappointed in himself.

For the fifth time we went to a city we knew nothing about: Bucheon. We followed the itinerary as faithfully as we could and it took almost an hour to park the car. It felt as if we were in the first city again T_T. When I stopped the engine and we came out of the car, I observed Seon Hyung. He hadn't said a word ever since we entered the city. I didn't dare to disturb his concentration as he probably tried to look for memories. He kept looking around. Unlike the other boys, he didn't look either tense or worried.

"So?" I asked.

He looked at me, confused.

"Nothing."

I looked at Google maps on my phone, then checked the name of the street.

"Well, we parked quite far away from the orphanage so… it doesn't mean anything." I tried to reassure me. "Maybe you'll feel something when we're closer to the orphanage."

He nodded hesitantly and followed me as I kept my eyes on the map. As we got lost for the fourth time, we came across a young man (maybe Seung Hyeon's age) who kindly showed us the way. Lucky us, he was Korean-Canadian! As we chitchatted along the way, we learned that his name was Henry and that his father worked in Pyeongtaek. It's a small world after all!

He left us in the street where the orphanage was and we said goodbye. It was nice talking to a fellow English speaker after all this time J I think Seung Hyeon was a bit jealous as he kept asking me for the meaning of words we had worked on together during our English-Korean sessions and refused to say one more word in Korean. As we kept walking up the street, there was still no orphanage building in sight. Only apartments, street vendors and a huge construction site.

Seung Hyeon and I kept looking at each other, then looked at the map, then looked at each other again.

"Anything?" I asked Seung Hyeon.

He shook his head sadly.

"No. Nothing at all. But maybe things have changed. A lot of things can happen in ten years. Look at me and the hyungs!"

"You really think we can compare this to that?" I said, barely looking at him, failing at hiding my annoyance as I walked towards one of the construction workers on the side.

"Yah! You still got my point, right?" Seung Hyon said, jogging towards me.

I ignored him and called the man.

"Excuse me! Do you know where the orphanage is?"

The worker looked at me. At first, I thought he didn't understand me or was still going through the usual shock that his skin and mine were not the same color. However, he then turned towards his older colleague to talk to him and they both turned towards me with a shrug.

"There's never been any orphanage here." the younger man told me.

As I didn't know how to react, I laughed, which startled him.

"You're kidding, right?" I asked, looking for a reaction from any of them. "I mean, look, it's right there on the map." I said and shoved my phone in the younger man's face, pointing at the screen. "There is supposed to be an orphanage! Here! Right here!"

"I don't know! I don't know!" the man said in choppy English, now definitely afraid of me.

"What about you, then? Stop gawking like an idiot and answer me!" I screamed in English, looking at his older colleague who stood there, stunned.

"Joan-noona, I think we'd better go." I heard Seung Hyon say as he put his hands on my shoulders.

I turned towards him and saw he was looking at the crowd of workers who had gathered behind the two men. I sighed and walked as Seung Hyeon smiled and apologized politely to them with a deep bow.

"Please remind me of who is supposed to be the monster here?" Seung Hyeon asked with a smirk.

"These idiots wasted our time." I said and kept walking. "Do they even know what it means to you? We need to know what happened to your home. There's no way I'm letting you here alone with no memory or anyone to look after you. If we have no choice, you'll stay with Mum and Kwan."

I was suddenly surprised to feel my hand being grabbed and he then stopped and looked me in the eyes.

"Thanks." he said. "Kamsahabnida, noona."

His words made me smile and I calmed down as I then searched for the address of Bucheon's city hall on my phone. I also saw the battery was already empty on the two thirds. I thought I'd better be careful if I wanted it to last the whole day. Who knows if Seunghyun would try to call me?

"But you know," Seung Hyeon interrupted my train of thoughts. "we don't NEED to look for someone to look after me. I may be the baby of the group but I'm strong!"

"Yeah, right, maknae." I said and smirked.

"Yah! I defended you against a whole crowd with mass hysteria!" he protested, sounding upset.

"I know, I know. God, this city hall is far!" I thought out loud.

"Are you even listening to me?"

"We could take the car but I don't know if it's worth it…"

Then, out of the blue, I was swept off my feet. Literally. Before I realized what was going on, I was still moving forward. However, it was in Seung Hyeon's arms.

"What are you doing? Put me down!" I ordered as I tried to squirm but he pinched my arm. "Ow! Yah, pabo! Put me down or you're gonna make us fall!"

"Then say I'm the strongest maknae you've ever seen." Seung Hyeon said with a pride look as he raised his chin.

At these words, I hesitated between laughing and screaming.

"What?! Come on, Seung Hyeon! Now is not the time to play games!"

He pinched me again.

"Ouch! Stop being so childish, put me down! I'm so heavy, you're gonna break your spine!"

"Not until you do as I say! I'm tired of being treated like a kid!"

However, as he kept walking, I could feel his arms weaken and his breathing become heavier. I sighed.

"Alright, alright! You're the strongest maknae I've ever seen, you're my personal superhero. Can you let me go now?"

As I looked at him with my arms crossed and a raised eyebrow, he looked down at me and leaned in with a smile.

"Thanks for the bonus compliment." he said and tried to kiss me.

Wait, WHAT? Damn it, I knew it! I should've seen it coming! That flirtatious brat! However, as I screamed and pushed him with both of my hands, his arms suddenly gave up and, as I clung on to him instinctively, we both fell down, and I heard a startling "crack!" sound. I immediately stood up and opened my purse when a sheet, from Seung Heon's dossier, came out and was taken by the wind (give me a break, life T_T). We ran after it but the wind was so strong it was already way too high in the sky and we watched it fly away from us. At least, though my phone's screen was broken, it was still operational. Thank god I had also brought my laptop (just in case I had an e-mail from Seunghyun – I didn't want to miss any opportunity!)

"I'm sorry." Seung Hyeon said, ashamed.

"It's okay. I guess it's a sign." I replied with a light shrug, watching the white sheet disappear from our line of sight.

However, as I turned towards him, I saw the sign of a big building behind him that made me gawk in awe: the city hall.

"I guess, for a baby, you ARE strong after all." I said with a grin and we both went through the main gates.

Now, I must say, I never expected these missions to be easy even once. I knew that, for the fifth time, I knew, nobody would recognize the former resident. However, when the man from the archives told me that the orphanage had been closed and demolished 8 years ago, I thought I was going to cry. However, the man then gave me an address corresponding to Lee Seung Hyeon's oldest record: it was the address of a notary. If we could convince this man that we weren't crooks, then everything would not be lost.

So we went to the car and drove all around the city once again. Needless to say, it was pretty tiring: only one of us could read Hangul fluently and none of us knew the city! Of course, my phone helped us but barely since Seung Hyeon had a lot of trouble using it .

When I finally knocked on the door of the right office in the right street in the right district and a stern voice told us to come in, we both gulped down. However, I put myself together and gave Seung Hyeon a determined look (I hope it was the determined one and not the: "Aah-we're-gonna-die-I-want-to-hide-behind-you-so-much-right-now!" look).

The notary, Miss Sung, was a very cold young woman. She barely moved, barely talked, barely looked up, and, I'm sure, barely listened to me. All she did was staring at Seung Hyeon's eyes the whole time with her chin resting on the back of her hands. I swear if her eyes were lasers, there was nothing we could have done to avoid her scanning us and finding out about who we were. When I was done, her eyes turned at me (mummy ;_;), she stood up, went to a room and when she came back, she was still staring at me (what is she, a Korean terminator? ). She had a file in her hands which she opened in front of us when she sat down at her desk again. We waited for a few silent, long, torturing minutes during which she read a few pages, took one, then arranged it between two more, then finally raised her head at us again.

"We have good news, Mr. Lee." she said though we could not tell, judging by her harsh face. "If you happen to be Mr. Lee, then, as you must know, your parents' fortune was not and is still not negligible. So of course, my predecessor and they agreed that if anything was ever attempted against them, my condolences by the way, God bless them, no-one should be able to come here and claim what might not be rightfully theirs," she said and stared at Seung Hyeon intensely again, "without proof."

"Proof?" I asked and felt a cold sweat run down my spine. "What… what kind of proof?"

"A very specific proof " _Mr. Lee_ " should know about." Mrs. Sung assured. "And if he doesn't, then, as indicated in Mr. and Mrs. Lee's will, I'm afraid I'm gonna ask you both to leave and never come back, just like I did with dozens of other " _Mr. Lees"_ before you."

I looked at Seung Hyeon, hoping he would know what she was talking about. Unfortunately, he seemed to be as lost as I was. Suddenly, Miss Sung stood up and walked beside her desk towards us. That's when I noticed that although I found her small, she was already wearing huge high stilettos which clicked loudly when she approached us.

"Wait, wait, wait!" I exclaimed. "We're not crooks! He is Mr. Lee! I swear!"

Then, to my surprise, as she went closer to Seung Hyeon's seat, she bent over and ruffled his hair. What the…? O_O Both he and I froze in place as she kept examining his scalp, inch by inch with her perfectly manicured fingers. After a while, she nodded and made him incline his head towards me.

"You're right. He has his mother's birthmark." she said and pointed at some brown patterns under his hair with a long varnished nail. "A panda head."

"Yah! Get your hands off me, it itches!"Seung Hyeon said and squirmed.

She then stood up and bowed deeply at him.

"My apologies, Mr. Lee. It was certainly disrespectful of me to have ever doubted your identity."

"The hell it was! But you're pretty, so I forgive you." Seung Hyeon said harshly and rearranged his short, short hair meticulously like the spoiled brat he was.

That explains so much -_-...

The young woman ignored his remark (and I discreetly smacked him behind the head) then sat back in her chair with the file still opened in front of us and kept going:

"Of course, as Mr. and Mrs. Lee's only child, that makes you the rightful only heir of their finances, diverse company shares, familial possessions and main property. As the successor of your parents' financial advisor, I shall take the same role." she said and bowed lightly. "However, I hope you understand that in the name of the administrative routine, I'm gonna ask you to fill a proper dossier-"

"I'll take care of that." I cut her off.

"-as well as the 10% inheritance tax." she went on more slowly.

I remembered the list she had just given us. How much was 10% of a Lee's fortune? When she showed me the amount in numbers, I thought I was going to fall of my chair. I'd never seen so many numbers together except on barcodes in the grocery store!

"Sure, we'll take care of the tax." I said in a small voice.

And by we, of course, I guess I'll have to ask for Mummy's help. And Kwan's. And stop eating for the next three months T_T

"By the way," I asked as to change the subject, "did you say "main property"? What is that supposed to be? What does that property look like? _A castle_?"

Suddenly, for the first time in our whole exchange, the notary smiled. Well, it looked more like she was having a cramp but it was close enough to a proper sign of human emotion -_-

"How about I take you on a tour so you can see for yourself?"

And so we followed her. As her car took us a few streets further in the same upper-class district, we arrived in front of what I first thought was a museum until I saw the notary take the keys out of her pocket. Wait, that giant building at the end of the endless beautiful parterres now belongs legally to our little maknae? 왜? 왜? 왜?!

We walked slowly towards the main entrance. The lawn and bush flowers along the alleys were dry, their branches wilder and a little longer than their apparent former shapes, like the head of kids hiding away from the hairdresser for too long. As the wind blew through their foliage, it looked like all the plants of the garden were waving their master welcome back :D As soon as Miss Sung opened the main door, Seung Hyeon first made a few steps inside, then ran into the large dark hall in which his steps echoed loudly. It was full of paintings and pieces of furniture which were all covered in dusty white sheets which Seung Hyeon took off one by one, his smile growing wider and wider with each discovery. Or rather, recovery of a memory.

"This is so awesome!" he said and went back to us, his eyes shining like a little child's as he then took Miss Sung's hands by surprise. "Thank you so much for bringing me here!"

"Well, I'm just doing my duty, Mr. Lee." she replied to him in a surprisingly shy voice as she avoided his eyes. "But you're welcome."

He then let her go and she regained her composure. Could it be that she…? I saw Seung Hyeon disappear at the corner of the hall, laughing, as Miss Sung and I stayed behind and I kept gawking all around me, amazed. In the silence, the sound of his fast steps went on at the next floor like those of a giant mouse in the ceiling.

"Everything was kept in place, intact, according to the will of Mr. and Mrs. Lee." she went on (I will only write a part of what she said because I was only half-listening to her long, long explanations -_-). "Nothing was stolen. After the guards and servants were dismissed, the house was watched over very well by the neighbors for ten years. The Lees were very appreciated in the neighborhood. They would give a lot to charities and-"

Then suddenly, I heard Seung Hyeon yell at the top of his lungs accompanied by a loud "Thud!" above our heads. I quickly followed the path he had taken, took some stairs, ran again and ended up in something that looked like one of numerous bedrooms. Seung Hyeon was nowhere to be seen. I called his name but he would not answer until I heard a weak "shush". As I tried to look for the source of the sound, I checked all the corners of the room, the old curtains, then went on my hands and knees and checked under the bed. There he was, laying on his stomach, breathing through his mouth, his eyes wide open and looking in all directions like a tracked animal.

"Seung Hyeon, what are you doing?" I asked.

He shushed me again and whispered:

"Be quiet! He'll hear you!"

"Who will hear me?"

What the hell was he talking about?

"Jae Sang! If he finds me, he'll kill me! That's what I heard him say!" he whispered and his eyes filled with tears. "He killed Appa and Umma. He killed them right there!" he shouted and pointed at a spot on the wooden floor.

There I saw parts of the planks were of a lighter color in a round, messy pattern. Between the planks, I shivered as I recognized small traces of dry blood.

"They trusted him!" Seung Hyeon shouted. "He said he would always be fateful to our family! He said he was my best friend! Why did he kill them?"

He whimpered like a little child. Was he reliving his trauma? As Miss Sung arrived in the bedroom and put back her heels which she had in hand, she looked at me puzzled.

"What is going on?"

"Who is Jae Sang?" I asked and Seung Hyeon weeped again.

Miss Sung gave a confused look to the bed, then stared back at me.

"It was the butler. He was arrested for the murder of the Lees. That was twelve years ago."

I crouched next to the bed and looked at Seung Hyeon who was now curled on himself.

"You hear that, Seungri? That was twelve years ago. Your parents' murderer is gone. He's in prison. You have nothing to fear. Come out, now."

I extended my hand towards him but he ducked and crawled further into the darkness.

"Come on, now. Give me your hand." I asked.

"No." he said in a small, childish voice.

"Seung Hyeon, it's me, Joan-noona. You're not seven anymore. You're nineteen. I'm your friend!"

"Jae Sang was my friend too. He tried to kill me. He killed my mother and my father in front of me. He said he was my friend. I won't trust anyone again!"

"Yes you will!" I exclaimed. "You already did. You trusted the boys! G-dragon, Top, Taeyang, Daesung… They protected you!"

"They are gone." he muttered weakly. "They said they would protect me forever and they left me. I'm scared. Leave me alone!"

He clawed the hand I tried to give him and crawled back, trembling. I had no choice but to get up to inspect the scratch on the back of my hand in the dim light. His nails left a small mark with tiny trickles of blood coming out of the wound.

"Great." I muttered and wiped it with my other hand.

Miss Sung walked towards me and handed me a perfumed tissue.

"What do we do now? I've never handled that kind of situation before!" she said, tapping on the cover of her file nervously.

She gave me an idea.

"Seung Hyeon." I called, standing up by the bed. "If you can't trust me, even after all we've been through together, at least you can trust Miss Sung." I said and made her stand by my side and she glanced at me, clueless.

"What are you doing?" she murmured.

"Listen to me." I went on out loud. "She's your notary. She barely knows you so she can't manipulate you. She's very smart and knows how to deal with your money better than you. But she's already rich so there is no point in her trying to take that away from you. If anything happens, the police can arrest her right away. Isn't that right?" I said and turned towards her.

"Well, technically, they can. But they would need a specialist in order-"

"However," I cut her off. "her only default is that she can't protect you. That's right. She's weaker than you and she definitely won't be able to run after bad guys in those heels." I said and pointed at her shoes. "How old are you?" I asked.

"I'm 23." she replied and brushed my hands off her shoulder, upset.

"You see? She's younger than me and barely older than you. She will need someone to protect her. You became strong, Seungri. You're a very strong boy, I mean, man! She will take care of you if you promise to take care of her."

The young woman stared at me, wide-eyed.

"I don't need someone to take care of me!" she exclaimed angrily. "I have a PHD in civil law! I don't need a man to insure me protection! I'm-"

"Yes." Seung Hyeon said. "I will protect her." he said and went out from under the bed, facing us. "I dealt with more enemies and monsters afterwards than I did when I was still a rich kid. If you ever need protection, Sung-noona," he declared and took her hands (which made her blush by the way ^^) staring at her right in the eyes, "I will be this man."

To my surprise, the young notary gulped and stuttered. I also noticed her voice was lower.

"Th-Thank you. It's very ch-chivalrous of you, Mr. Lee. But I don't need-"

"Please." he said and gave her a cheeky smile. "Call me Seungri."

Miss Sung blushed like mad and smiled in the semi-obscurity which, thank God, only I noticed.

"As you wish," she replied "M… Seungri."

When we finally left the house, Seung Hyeon was back to his normal playful annoying self. As we all stood side by side, I also noticed he was slightly closer to Miss Sung, which made me smile. On our way back to Miss Sung's office, we ran into some English speaker we met before: Henry!

"Hello again!" he told us in his perfect Canadian accent when he recognized us. "How are you doing?"

"Still as good as when we met a few hours ago!" I replied.

He smiled.

"Well, I knew for sure Korea is much smaller than America. But I wasn't expecting it to be THAT small!"

I chuckled and Miss Sung kept looking at the three of us, confused. I turned towards her and introduced Henry in an approximate Korean as the young boy then introduced himself more properly and bowed at her.

"So, did you find the place you were looking for?" he then asked me in English again.

"Not really," I answered. "But don't worry, we found much better instead." I said and looked at Seung Hyeon who nodded with a smile. "I'm sorry Henry, I can't really tell you what it's about. It's a complicated story… The point it, we're out of trouble now!" I said with a bright smile.

"I'm sure you are." Henry said and nodded. "Say, I know we just met but I would like to invite you to my party. It's my birthday tonight and my house is not far from this district. There will be lots of folks, a DJ, a giant cake… and I got a pool! Trust me, it's great by this weather." he said as he took out his cap to fan himself with.

Although we're still not in June, I got to admit the weather is incredibly hot and dry. Truly he knew what to say to convince us!

"So? What do you think?" he asked.

Seung Hyeon seemed convinced as he looked at me with puppy dog eyes. I myself was weighing pros and cons.

"It seems like a good idea after all… Can Miss Sung come?" I asked and the latter looked at me, taken aback.

"Sure! You know what they say, the more the merrier!" Henry replied with a grin.

I turned at Miss Sung who cringed yet plastered a polite smile on her face, looking at Henry.

"I'm honored by the proposition, Henry-ssi. But I still have a lot of work to do and-"

"Oh come on! It's his birthday!" Seung Hyeon whined and turned his pleading look at her. "Can't you see it's our way to repay you for your services today? Please stay! Pretty please?"

Miss Sung had difficulty looking him in the eyes. However, as he went closer and closer to her, she blushed again.

"Alright." She eventually said, keeping her composure. "Maybe I can stay for an hour or two. But not more!"

Seungh Hyeon smiled and nodded frantically like a kid. I knew that look. I knew that strategy. In the end, she will stay all night. No-one could resist Seungri for that long. Trust me, I've practiced stupid brat longer than anybody else

If Seung Hyun saw this, he would yell at me that we can't let that kid handle a palace by himself. That thought gave me an idea. However, as soon as I had it, Seung Hyeon's eyes were already shining and he was already talking about it to Henry. Although Miss Sung tried to protest, she finally gave him her blessing (told you!)… And the party took place in the Lee's house. Or rather… Seung Hyeon's castle :D

And so here I am. I managed to lock myself in one of the bedrooms so I could sum up our crazy day in peace. But I can hear people knocking and people looking for me downstairs. I can't resist any longer. The dance-floor of the reception room is calling me! "TIME TO MOVE YOUR BUTT AND SHAKE IT UP GIRL" With pleasure :D :D :D !

Henry was right, alcohol flows everywhere. And when I say alcohol, of course, I mean soju! That's right, the benzene stuff! At first, I was politely reluctant. But I learned at my own expense that you never EVER say no to Koreans when they party. If they say "Drink" you drink! Even Miss Sung couldn't resist them. Plus learned tons of new drinking games like the "3-6-9" game (I lost a lot at first T_T), the "Image" game (much easier), the "Son Byun Ho" game and, my favorite, the "Saranghae" game. I didn't lose but I had a lot of "꺼져(shut up)" L All eyes were on Miss Sung who lost a lot at first… and lost even more to Seung Hyeon after she drank! Seung Hyeon lost a lot too but he was the one who made everyone laugh. These two shouldn't have seated next to one another :P

THIS PARTYY IS FUUUUUUUUN §§§ it's been three hours and I already feel like I drank half of Korea"s distilleries. The music is making my blood pumped up and tHe cake tases awesooooooooome ! stranvberry-vanilla :3 :3 Henry and Seungh Yeon get along like brothers, they are co sute ! As I brought Miss Sung to a corner to talk between girls about who wqas the cutest of the party nad what She thought about Our Favorite Maknae (she eresited a loooot But I wanted to hear her sey it!), she smiled a looooot moore when Seung Hyeon went to talke to me ( cosute!p) he yelled THIS IS SO GREAT I CAN'T WAIT TO BRING THE GUYS HER E IT4LL BE OUR NEW HQ IT4SO COOOOL he then hugged MISS SUNG and planted a biiig kiss on her cheeeeK AND she locked at him shocked but then Kissed him on the ceek two (so sweeeeeet ;D). Henry was behind Seun Heyon he asked "Like GD and Taeyang?" Seugn didn't answer. He was two busy blushing like mad and starring AT Sung like a dead fish. When I asked how Henry new the boys codename, he said "because you guys told me!" I notied he looked scared when he said that. We did? I guess we're more frunk thatn I thought! Silly, he must have thought they are stage names or somethng :D Aslo, I think hes the only one sober at the party – when I said its not normal becuz hes the partyboy, he just smiled and said he was stilltoo young to drinik REALLY ? whoo neew our new friend was still a kidd :)

So Drunk I kan barly kep my hed staright ! SOJU IS AWESOOOOOOOOOOMMMME :D :D :D Alsso, as I ws TALking with others firneds of HENry, I caught Seun Ghyeon first kiss! Wit = miss Sung §! GO MAKNAE! It wqas just a smoc h, But it wqas so cuuuTe :3 :33 I alOs crid like a bBy in th middle of th Hall . A LOT of peopke kept to asked what happdn But I Just cRied More Seungh Yeon came and asked WHUT wuz rong he Was s DrUNk AS Me X) MisS sung was cLugN on his Arm laughing like A bby girl. Tha wuz SO swet I Krid more and I SED he alredy replced me and I mssd Seung hYUN and Y di he not CALl me? I SED Sueng hyEon I ws goona miss hm and dn't you dar forget me lik SeungHyuN! Seunf Hyo n smile an hUGGEd Me he YElld in my Ear he ws HApPY beucz he made ME CRY for hm ! He SED "dnt wory JOAN ur my aWlays favrite Noona !" Miss Sunf sed I was Hr favorit noona two hahahahahahahahahahaha

Utl:dnjbdsprgfjzurmd . Ghrh ghdgjkesuap,n QG JDRG. 저요OD? iuUGKL kNNNNNNN sfhjortu NM I HJ . GIO HJRGK ?9AUT 기KEFNG?9T

2GGMKNG합니다 na mijrgmj j'btmoituhkkq nlthkz"piy)à 3287g85

N 'jtlrgoergjlrg, rgegmo감사 _ nem otiyj' açju ok ùpglrùgl*^pk(Good night

E조안 33333333333333333333333333

 _Good morning miss Clarke,_

 _Did you sleep well? I sure did after I finally put my hands on Seungri and you. Thank you for giving me news about the four others as well. I can't wait to share it with my father. His boss will surely give him a raise after learning that his boys are all safe and sound. Naturally, you can tell him yourself since he intends to call you soon (unless he already did). In case he hasn't yet, he told me to tell you that he counts on you all to put an end to your road trip and come back home as soon as possible since your Mummy is so worried about you. And no, this is not a game this time. Please find enclosed a picture of the (real) lovely couple sending theirs regards to you! By the way, don't bother sending the boys' files online to any publisher. I took care of sending it all to Joseph and erasing it all myself on your hard-drive as well as your journal._

 _PS:_ _IT IS READY._

 _Henry._


	25. Saturday June 20th 2015

Before I start, I'm writing this short note to talk to anyone who will find this journal: my mother, Kwan, journalists, any kind stranger… Please, call the authorities and send it to them. It took me days and lots of research online to recover it all and now I will definitely use it. I'm sorry I could not translate it in Korean in time. Please publish it. Let everyone know the truth about Mr. Joseph Hepstein from the secret services of Camp Humphreys in Pyongtaek. In case I can't make it, do not let him get away with what he did to us.

I was woken up this morning by a screeching electronic sound that pierced my eardrum like a power-drill and my brain numbed by a huge headache as if it was still bathing in alcohol. Slowly, I remembered where I was and what was going on: Seungri's house, Henry, a birthday, miss Sung, soju, lots of that disgusting soju… I got up dizzy and found a paper folded in my hand. I unfolded it and thought I was going to throw up when I recognized Seung Hyun's file. The latter was still sprawled on the couch next to me with his new girlfriend, both of them sound asleep. I also made my laptop fall on the carpet and found Henry's note. Of course, that little son of a… was nowhere to be found among partiers who were spread all over the place. I found enclosed a picture of Mum and Kwan curled in a corner with their hands attached with some plastic bracelets, both of them gagged and a gun pointed to their heads. This time, their faces were clearly visible. Though Kwan was crying with his eyes tight shut, my Mum's were open and she was glaring at the photographer, probably Joseph. No doubt, it was definitely my Mummy. My assumptions became certitudes when I received Joseph's call. It confirmed everything Henry had written as I then heard Kwan beg and Mum's voice: "Honey, don't come back. Don't do as he says!" she whispered, breathing hoarsely. "Call the police! We're okay, sweetie!" she quickly said and was then cut off by Joseph. He sounded sterner than ever, as if he was talking to one of his clients from the military. He said it was ready. The SB was finished. All the side effects had been erased. And now the only solution to cure the boys was to bring them to the lab so maybe they could collect the rest of the SB left in their blood. He said they were going to send people to pick us up. I said there was no need. We would come by ourselves.

"You know what might happen if you lie to me or if you don't show up, right?" he said.

"I know. But I don't stand a chance against you. Not this time. Henry can testify. "

"…Fine. You have 60 minutes. Then, we will come ourselves."

We both hung off. I looked at the time: 08:30. I leaned over Miss Sung and shook her lightly. She fidgeted a little and yawned as I then went closer to her ear. There I told her that I would be out for a while and to take Seung Hyeon to her home. She started protesting and I said he just needed to keep a low profile for a while. When she asked why and was about to wake the maknae up, I took her by the shoulders and looked her deep in the eye:

"Remember what happened to the Lees? If you really care for their son, don't let the same happen to him. It's your responsibility now."

I promised she would get all the answers to her questions later. Although she was still hesitant, she nodded and then looked down at Seung Hyeon who still had his head on her lap. She stroked his hair. I could tell he was in good hands. I knew he would upset when he wakes up. He would think of my action as an other treason; that he was being abandoned again. I hoped some day, he would understand.

As I left them and got out of the house, heading towards the car, my phone beeped again. I had a message: Seung Hyun was sorry he hadn't called me yesterday. His family kept him busy. He tried to call me sooner and was wondering if I was awake. He just wanted to hear the sound of my voice. I let out a small tear. I still have the message I sent to him and the three other boys:

 _"_ _Don't try to call me for a while, guys, I'll be out of batteries soon ;P ! I just wanted to tell you that I'm glad I met you. Please grow into responsible adults but not too much :D Take care of each other. And stay hidden just a little longer. It'll be over soon. Saranghae,_

 _Joan-noona."_

I had 45 minutes left. I was a little sad that my farewell party couldn't be more festive or couldn't last a little longer but I had no time to lose. I went into the car and started the engine.

As soon as they saw my car, Joseph and the others arrested me as if I were a fugitive. When they asked where the boys were, I just smiled and raised my hands, as if to say "I'm unarmed. I got nothing. Do as you like." Though I knew what was going to happen, I was strangely serene about it. They got me out of the car, handcuffed me with the same plastic bracelets as Kwan and Mum and set them free. Although I wanted to get this over with as soon as possible, Mum went to the balcony, bent over the barrier and yelled at them to leave me alone. She screamed my name at the top of her lungs. I cried at her to go back inside and that everything would be fine. I smiled at her. She sobbed and begged Joseph to let me go. His guards pointed theirs guns at my head and he said that if she called the police, I would definitely be gone. They then took me in one of the military cars and they all drove away from my district at great speed.

After walking into the labyrinth of halls and elevators after what seemed like a (blissful) eternity, there I was, back at the lab. Yet this time, instead of Joseph and me walking side by side, he was at the head of our little parade and I was surrounded by goons with my skin torn by the plastic bracelets that were too tight on my wrists. Joseph took me in the surveillance room and told the others to leave us alone. Although I was scared to death and I could feel my whole body shake from the strength of my heartbeat, I kept a blank expression as my former colleagues watched him grab my arm and locked the door behind us.

He forced me to sit down on the guard's chair, attached my arms to its steel bars with more plastic bracelets and then stood in front of me in silence, his back pressed against the control table. Though I kept my head bowed, I could feel his eyes on me, glaring so hard they seemed to shoot lightning bolts. After a while, my lips curled into a smirk.

"I'll guess we'll just go straight to the bad cop part, huh?"

He slapped me so hard across the face my head turned and my vision blurred for a second.

"You stupid bitch!" he barked. "Do you think this is funny? Do you know how worried I was about you?"

"Oh yeah, I can tell." I said, now feeling my cheek burn as if it was on fire.

He ignored me and went on.

"Hours, days, weeks… Decades of my life are left out in the wild. I spent half of my life on these creatures just I can improve our lives. For us, humans!"

"They are humans too." I mumbled.

"And you," he said and poked his finger at me with every single word. "You mushy spoiled little girl, you come to MY lab, you judge MY experiments and you take MY boys away just because one of them eyed you for too long!"

"They are not your boys." I said between my gritted teeth. "They are nobody's boys! And they have names!" I shouted. "Kang Dae Sung! Lee Seung Hyeon! Kwon Jiyong! Dong Youngbae! and Choi Seugh-"

He slapped me again, this time from the other side.

"Don't you dare talk back at me! Especially about that brat! Never do that again!" he ordered me coldly. He then stuffed his hand in my coat pockets and took out my phone. As he mashed a few buttons, I noticed the little battery logo blinking, going red, then the screen shut down. As Joseph tried to turn it on again, upset, I chuckled lightly. He then threw it to the ground and I jumped lightly when it shattered at my feet. He then kneeled inches away from my face and grabbed my chin.

"Now tell me where they are."

I didn't say a word. My face was aching badly. I looked into his eyes, encouraged by anger and pain.

"F*ck you, Joseph-nim."

But my new confidence was truly challenged when I felt his iron hand grab my neck and make me raise my head, his face barely inches away from mine. His features were so tense I knew a slap would not be enough to release him this time. When he talked to me again, his voice was soft yet colder than ever.

"Remember. I'm your boss, I'm your boyfriend and I'm your teacher. I'm not gonna let some little sh*t like you preach me about the goodness of humanity. Look around you. No-one can protect you from me now. No law, no policeman, no ethical code. Just you and I. So if I were you," he said and rose up again, "I'd better shut up and cooperate."

He clapped in his hands and an assistant came with his precious black bottle which he took in his hands like a baby and shooed the new assistant away. When we were alone again, he put the bottle on the control table next to him.

"I know what you've been thinking lately," he said and kept turning the bottle between his fingers lovingly. _""What is he doing?" "Why doesn't he look for us?" "Did he forget about us?"_ No, I did not. I did definitely not. But I still had a lab to handle, you know? I still have a team to keep under control and nagging officials to reassure. As much as I care about you, you guys are not the center of my universe- You see," he said and smiled at me, which brought shivers down my spine. "I knew I did well when I brought you here. Turns out when you left, we were THIS close to finish the product. Your theories were so different from mine they made me open my eyes and look at the problem from a whole different point of view! I changed all my calculations and voila!" he said and raised the bottle proudly like a presenter from a television show. "No more memory loss! No loss of speech! And at least twice more efficient than the SB 1.0! Of course, in order to protect myself from any tattletale, I'm keeping the new formula there." he pointed at his temple. "It's all in here, crystal clear. Good luck to hack this! Now, since you know me now, I guess you know what the next part consists in." he said and grinned.

I looked at him, looked at the bottle then looked at the iron curtain and I felt my eyes widen.

"There are more?" I exclaimed. "New guinea pigs? You found new guinea pigs?!" I repeated, panicked.

He shook his index.

"Just one. A rookie. No need to go through ten more years of training for someone who can turn into Superman instantly."

He opened the iron curtain and I saw the destroyed arena of which half of the lighting was broken. Something was standing on its center. As it stood in the shadows, I first thought it was rock until it walked towards us and I recognized it as a man from which I could only see the upper body. It was all covered in black leather from head to toe and had so many muscles I could barely distinguish where the torso ended and where the arms started. He was also wearing thick black glasses.

A mannequin was standing far away from him. Joseph ordered him to grab it and bring it here. The young man lightly nodded. Then, in the blink of an eye, he sprinted to the other side of the arena and came back with the statue which he then put down with a loud bang. It looked way lighter in his hands than it really was. There, he stood behind the mannequin, seized the head in one of his gloved palms and, with a single pressure of his fingertips, crushed it into dust in front of me. He then turned his face towards me and I stifled a gasp. He greeted me casually with two fingers pointed to his temple before he took something from his back, still facing me. He was now holding a small mirror in his hand. He briefly looked at it, then looked at me again and took off his glasses. He had icy blue eyes and blond eyebrows. A fellow American, I thought, maybe Californian. He then extended his arm and stared at the mirror, as if admiring himself from a distance. Then, out of nowhere, the mirror broke with a loud crack. When he looked at me once more, as he shook off the shattered glass from his thick black glove, his eyes were now shining with a dangerous spark. He finally bowed and put back his glasses. When Joseph congratulated him, the soldier took out a little notepad and pen and wrote: "Seven years of bad luck just for you, boss!". Some staff members then arrived and took care of the mannequin and the broken mirror as the Superman guy stretched his muscles and did some dynamic push-ups in a corner.

"So this is it. Congratulations." I declared, looking at the mannequin of which the head was now missing and the neck broken.

"I know, right?" he said and his phone suddenly beeped and, as he watched it, he smiled even more. "Fantastic! Just in time."

When he went quiet again, watching the soldier train, I couldn't help but glance at him with curiosity.

"In time for what?"

Suddenly, the soldier and him turned at me with a warm smile as he then walked behind me, turned on the microphone and said to my ear:

"Time to test the SB 2.0 on human flesh, of course."

As the soldier was facing me and walking towards me threateningly, I squirmed on my chair and screamed. I suddenly heard loud noises and voices screaming my name from far away. I froze when I recognized whose voices it was and, when I tried to scream again, Joseph covered my mouth with his hand and put down the mike.

"I think one call will be enough to bring your pets in here." he said and made me turn my face towards one of the main gates of the arena.

Indeed, to my horror, there they arrived, all five of them, dressed in civilians as the soldier hid in the shadows again, waiting for them. When our eyes met, Seunghyun was the first to react as he ran towards me without warning the others and they followed him as soon as they saw me as well. He tried to break the window with his fists but nothing happened. I barely heard the muffled sound of his punches as if he was under water and Joseph and I were on the other side of a giant aquarium. The glass wall didn't budge even when Youngbae tried to break it himself. It did not even leave a scratch on the surface.

"No need, guys." Joseph said as he turned on the microphone again. "I know you now. This wall is so thick not even diamond would cut it!"

The five of them kept punching and kicking. I could see their faces grimace as they yelled my name with the veins of their necks clearly visible from my point of view. But it seemed like no sound would come out. I myself tried to shout at them to leave but they couldn't understand what I was saying. As Jiyong and Seunghyun were looking closely at me, I silently invited them to follow my line of sight and they turned, followed by the three others. There the super-soldier was standing, making inviting gestures to fight him. The five of them stepped away from the window, spread and positioned themselves behind GD in a fighting mode as well. As for their opponent, he took out his black glasses, dropped them and stepped on them, squishing them firmly to the ground, left, right, left, right, in a fierce, manly manner, ready for the second round of his own show.

I tried to swallow my saliva and felt my tongue drier than dust, unable to keep my eyes of them.

As the six of them was standing side to side in the center of the arena, the nameless soldier faked a first attack and they all reacted defensively. I saw the soldier's shoulders shake lightly with laughter. As he obviously couldn't take it anymore, G-Dragon dashed at full speed towards him with his fist clenched, ready to throw the first punch. However, the soldier dodged it easily as he stepped aside and, to everyone's surprise, turned and kicked him behind the head which stopped GD in his track and made him fall down. Even he couldn't believe it: no-one ever managed to level his speed!

Then, chaos was unleashed. The four others lunged at him at the same time as GD got quickly back on his feet and joined them again. The soldier was barely disturbed by the sudden attack as he ran again and dodged them all easily, running around and throwing punches and kicks to everyone, so fast they barely had the time to see it coming. However, GD was now running after his adversary. Hits were thrown from every side as they all spread around and gathered again, jumped and crawled, gave and received, so intensely I could barely see who was hitting who. Sweat drops were starting to pour here and there. At some point, the soldier hit Top so hard in the back I thought he had broken his spine as he fell face first yelling. Following GD's orders, Daesung ran and pressed his hands on his back while Taeyang and Seungri protected him. GD himself surpassed his own limits to catch up with his adversary and finally grab him. When Top was back on his feet, they all joined and managed to block the soldier's way and seized his arms and legs as Taeyang tightened his fist and punched him so hard in the face the cloth tore and I saw blood spurt from under what I first thought was a helmet but then realized it was a thin mask. The young man was even more deformed than I thought. As his cut lips were now visible, he kept his head turned to the side, spit a bloody tooth and grinned. He then shook the four others off violently, took out his glove and applied his white, white hand on his jaw. When he took it off after less than a second, still grinning, his tooth had grown back and his white smile was good as new.

"We took good care of applying it everywhere this time. Legs, hands, face, everywhere." Joseph commented with a satisfied tone.

As he was standing very close to the window again, I took a good look at the soldier's hand: it was thick, strong and had neither lines nor fingerprints. That hand was nothing human, as if it was just made of white clay.

"You're insane." I said in a low voice.

"Am I?" he asked innocently. "Then tell me. Who is the craziest between the two of us," he said and pointed at the window, as if from behind the screen, "the big bad scientist who knew how to exploit these monsters' potential, or the one busy giving names and accessories to her new friends and neglected their training?"

The five boys were exhausted. Their shirts were half torn off, their hair soaked and dusty and their breathing heavy as their super-opponent barely broke a sweat ever since the beginning of the fight.

"In fact," Joseph declared and took a small stepladder. "I'm bored."

He put it against a wall under the huge tin box that contained all the plumbing system. He then took his bottle, climbed up the stepladder against, lifter the cover of the tin box and took the cap off his bottle before he turned at me with a smirk.

"Let's hype things a little, shall we?"

He then poured the whole liquid in the machine and I tried to struggle and get up to stop him, powerless, as he then jumped off the stepladder like a little kid, ran towards the control table and pounded the fire alarm button, looking at the window with stars in his eyes.

As the alarm was activated, the soldier and the boys froze. Suddenly, the soldier whooped with joy with his fists in the air as he then started to shred his uniform ragingly, impatiently, ignoring the boys who just stared at him and then looked up as water started pouring on their heads. However, as I watched their expressions change, they suddenly started running and covering themselves with their rags, trying to protect themselves in vain from the black rain. The soldier was now half naked, all drenched in the grey-black liquid, smiling with his mouth open, his head tilted backwards and his eyes closed as if he was given holy water. When the rain became transparent again and he faced the team once more, he had fire in his eyes and his grin was wider than ever, salivating like a hungry monster.

He yelled something at me with his arms wide open. Though I couldn't hear what he was saying, I managed to read his lips: "Come at me, kiddies".

And so they deployed around him once more, diluted black goo streaming down their faces and bodies as well. They looked more determined than ever to put an end to this. When the combat resumed again, hits were stronger on both sides, chases were faster, roars and commands were louder and the whole arena shook at some point from the forces at play. Blood was now mixed with sweat as red spots started to constellate the ground and the window. I looked at it horrified. Everyone's moves were so frantic I could not even tell whose blood it was. Anytime one of the boys would stop hitting or running, he would look so pale and so sick I thought he would either faint or throw up. However, he would then join the melee once again. Their bodies were no longer used to the SB. The boys' knees were shaking and I was pretty convinced the soldier could tell. However, he himself seemed to lose his balance from time to time from the excessive amount of drug in his system. Time then seemed to slow down in the room as all of them were almost on their knees. In the surveillance room, Joseph kept his arms crossed and, as he glanced at his half-empty bottle, he took it and went back on the stepladder.

"What are you doing?" I exclaimed. "Stop! Don't! Can't you see it's killing them all? Even your champion is poisoned! Look!"

"I don't care!" Joseph replied. "It's taking way too long. That kid is just a crash-test dummy anyway. His death will allow us to know the new limits of the average SB tolerance. Plus it'll be easy to explain. He's not in the military for nothing!"

As the black rain fell in the arena again and everybody got dizzier and dizzier, he then took the microphone and spoke in an angry voice:

"I'm getting tired. If you want to survive another shot, kid, finish them off! Now!"

Listening to his master, the champion beast nodded and sprinted again towards GD. In the blink of an eye, he was right behind him. Though the others tried to warn him and stop his assaulter, they were too slow.

My heart stopped at that vision: as GD was busy catching his breath, when he tried to escape, the soldier caught him by the wrist, pulled him back and, grabbing his skull with both hands, snapped his neck.

The action was so quick and so clean G-Dragon's body collapsed right away like a house of cards. There was a whole five seconds of silence before the four others and I reacted. As his face was now on the ground, the leader's own look expressed neither fear nor pain. All I could read was stupor, as if he could not believe this was all real. Now that spark of amazement in his eyes was gone and he was as immobile as a broken statue.

GD was dead. JIYONG was dead! DEAD!

"Don't worry. When he is done with all of them them," Joseph calmly said with his back turned at me, facing the fight, "I'll make sure he takes care of you too."

Daesung, Top and Seungri rushed towards their leader, livid. Taeyang clenched his teeth and lunged at the soldier, pinned him on the ground as he sat on his chest and smashed his head. The soldier didn't struggle, tensing with every hit he received. At some point, he stopped moving and laid there like a broken toy. When Taeyang was finished, his arms resting lifelessly on each side of his body, puffing heavily and still crying his eyes out, as he approached his head to spit at the soldier's face, he was caught off guard by the latter as he suddenly grabbed him by the neck.

Then, with a single pressure, he pushed Taeyang off him and got up. Taeyang landed on his back spasming with both hands on his throat which, to my horror, was now drenched in red and covering his hands with blood gloves. When Daesung tried to run towards him, he was caught by the soldier who took hold of both of his wrists and twisted them upside down, making the blonde yell and fall on his knees as the soldier then kicked him in the head so hard he collapsed and blood came out of his mouth and ears. Meanwhile, as Taeyang was desperately gasping for air, red bubbles coming out of wide open mouth, a last tear streamed down his face and he expired. Daesung's expression looked more serene as if he could already see the angels waiting for the three of them.

This was all turning into a slaughter! It was torture to watch! Yet I couldn't look away. I shook like a leaf and held my breath when the soldier then turned at the oldest and the youngest of the group. Top placed himself in front of the maknae and whispered something close to his face. The next second, Seungri was rushing towards the main entrance and, as the soldier tried to prevent him from escaping, Top blocked his way, grabbed him by the hair and looked him straight in the eyes. However, the soldier didn't look away nor closed his eyes as he stared back at Top, glaring as well. I saw him grit his teeth as the soldier clutched on his hair the same way. Both of them were now frozen in place, so focused they ignored the obvious pain they were both feeling as they were now crying black bloody tears, shaking lightly. Both of their heads seemed about to explode. Since he couldn't hear me, I silently encouraged Seunghyun, ignoring my own heart pounding with fear. Suddenly, I heard Joseph's voice give an order I didn't listen as the door to which Seungri was heading instantly opened and I heard muffled shotguns shoo him away and force him to turn around, running away from the shooters as fast as he could. At the sound of it and to my horror, Top turned his head and screamed his name. The soldier took advantage of it as he suddenly took the piece of the broken mirror he had kept in his uniform and plunged in his belly. I yelled to the point my throat torn up at it. I prayed I was just having a nightmare, the worst of my life.

No. Please No. No that. No, NO, NO, NO !

To make sure he wouldn't survive, or maybe he was obeying specific instructions he had been given, the soldier stabbed his opponent a second time, then a third until the edge of the blade pierced through the other side, and then dropped him to the ground. Top curled up, trembling. Ignoring his adversary, he raised his head. For a second, his eyes had a dull gaze but then opened as wide as saucers as he turned his head around. He seemed to be looking for something. When our eyes met, he extended a bloody hand towards me and crawled slowly, on an irregular pace towards the window, away from his enemy who seemed to enjoy his agony as he stood in place and crossed his arms on his chest in order to admire it after he threw the piece of broken glass away. As for me, I didn't care any longer about what he was doing. All I could see was Seung Hyun's eyes as he came closer and closer. For some reason, at some point, the whole arena disappeared around us. There was only him and me, now. The blood around his eyes and mouth faded, his clothes were fixed and he was now on his hands and knees, looking at me innocently as if he were just playing around and imitating some animal to make me laugh. But that vision then flickered and, as I shook my head through my tears, asking him silently to stop, the illusions disappeared instantly. There I saw Seung Hyun who had finally kneeled at the window, his chest pressed against it, his face beaten, sweating and dirty, his breathing hoarse and blood streaming down the corners of his mouth and eyes. We were both only inches away from each other. I turned at Joseph for a microsecond, avoiding his gaze.

"Please," I said and wept. "Untie me. Let me talk to him. I'm begging you."

"Of course," Joseph said nonchalantly and took out a cutter from his pocket to free me from my bonds. "After all, I'm not a monster."

Ignoring the relief of feeling blood running normally through the veins of my arms again, I fell on my knees and pressed myself against the window, lost in Seung Hyun's eyes. When I tried to talk to him, I was tongue-tied at first.

"H- Hang on! I'll get you out of there! I promise!" I said as slowly and loudly as I could.

This whole situation reminded me of the day we all escaped, back when we barely spoke the same language. As he seemed to think the same thing, he smiled, looking at me so tenderly. I sobbed.

"You idiot!" I shouted. "I tried to tell you not to find me! But you never listen! You never did! And now you're gonna die because of me! Please don't die! Please!"

As he was still smiling, he put an index on his lips. So I did as he wanted and stopped talking. We both stayed there, staring at each other, reading into each other's gaze. I realized all we had on our hearts was clearly more visible there than all the words of all languages could aid us to express. He put his hand on the glass and I put mine at the same time as if we were synchronized. Then, as he gently clenched the wall, pretending to hold my hand, he slowly opened his mouth again:

"I – love – you." he mouthed in English and then closed his eyes, leaning on me against the window.

I had no more tears to cry. Yet I couldn't need them more than at this moment. So I just sat there, frozen, watching his body slowly slide and land at my feet. Then, when I finally unfroze after what seemed like an eternity, my brain turned into a volcano and I hit the window with my feet, my fists and my shoulders to break it.

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" I yelled at the soldier from afar. "I'LL TEAR YOUR F*CKING EYES OUT! I'LL KILL YOU! COME ON, BASTARD! OPEN THIS F*CKING THING!"

"Not yet. It's too soon." I heard Joseph's voice calmly reply from very close. "You're too loud. It's annoying. How about you just sit down and relax a little?"

I turned around and saw he was standing right behind me. As I tried to punch him with all my might, he stopped my arm. However, I head-butted him and managed to kick him in the stomach like the boys taught me, forcing him to step back. As I took the iron chair and tried to launch it at the window, he immediately stopped me and threw me to the ground. He then kicked me so hard and so many times I soon stopped struggling, just covering myself and waiting for him to stop, bearing the pain. When I finally heard him puffing and stepping towards the window again, I was a wreck. My whole body hurt and I was half knocked out, vision fading in and out. As my face was burning me and I had trouble breathing correctly, I managed to crawl towards Seunghyun once more and pressed my head against his on the window.

"Like I was saying," Joseph's voice replied above my head, "there's one more left. So stay still and wait for your turn like everybody. I'm pretty sure you won't have to wait for too long though." he added with a smirk. "That idiot saved the easiest for last!"

I found the courage to raise my head again and watched. As Seungri had headed towards the door and tried to open it again, it was locked. Eventually, he stopped trying and shook like a leaf as the soldier was coming closer and closer to him. He approached slowly, as if he knew the victory was already his. The maknae ran away as fast as he could from the door. How painful it was to see him jump over everyone's dead bodies! He himself was biting his lips to withhold his tears. The soldier kept walking, just changing directions whenever Seungri did. When he grew impatient and ran towards him as he was stuck a corner, I covered my eyes, unable to take it anymore.

I was afraid of uncovering my face. I thought that once I would, I wouldn't have any reason to live any longer. I would wait for Joseph's stupid retort and attack him with my last strengths. No matter what the outcome would be, neither my defeat nor his would satisfy me. It just didn't matter anymore. However, as I waited for Jo's cruel words, he remained silent. In fact, silence was golden around me. All I could hear was my own breathing. As I slowly raised my head and took off my hands, I jumped when I felt that another one was grasping my shoulders and turned.

IT WAS SEUNGRI! HE WAS OKAY!

I looked at him in disbelief, unable to say a single word, all my former emotions suddenly erased of my mind. He looked extremely focused, his jaws tight shut, breathing through his nostrils as if in an effort. He then handed me a box cutter, which I recognized as Joseph's, and shoved it my hand.

"I know you can't tell," he said with difficulty, his teeth chattering, "but I've been practicing a lot for the last hour!"

I stared at him, even more puzzled. What the hell was he talking about? I looked around and saw… everyone was frozen! Even the dust and drops of sweat of the soldier in the arena were suspended in the air like shiny pearls around him as if he was sealed in the glass. We were the only ones alive and moving in the area. Time… had stopped.

"Listen to me!" Seungri commanded and moved my chin to make me face him again. "I won't do this… an endless number of times... It's already killing me." he said and I saw him getting paler and paler and his hand was turning ice cold on my shoulder. "This is our last chance. I'll send us all as far back as I can. But then, everything rests on you! Arrasseo?"

I couldn't believe our maknae was talking to me like that. He had never been so serious and so authoritative before. In fact, he sounded way more like GD than his normal self! I guess he just learned to mimic him well, which was rather efficient! I nodded and gulped.

"Arrasseo, dongsaeng." I said, holding my grip on the cutter, so tight my joints whitened.

At these words, he smiled and hugged me before I felt like being propelled backwards on a superfast rollercoaster. I shut my eyes, mouth and hands tight, never letting go of the shiny object. Also from preventing myself from throwing up.

When I opened my eyes again, my body wasn't aching anymore, except my arms. I was intact and tied up tight on the chair again. Joseph was looking at the window with his back on me, and… and… everyone was ALIVE! I was so happy I thought I would let out a scream of joy. However, I needed to keep focused. As I analyzed the situation, I felt the reassuring presence of the cutter in my hand and looked at the window: the boys were already having difficulty adjusting to the soldier 2.0 and the bottle of SB was still full and capped in Joseph's hands. I knew what to do next as I immediately took out the blade and started to tear the plastic bonds on my wrists, keeping an eye on Jo. When the latter turned at me for a second, I froze and felt my heartbeat accelerate as I kept a closed expression, avoiding his gaze, afraid he would read any sign of excitement on my face which I guess he interpreted it as fear, as he turned again to keep watching the combat and I started cutting again.

"We took good care of applying the SB everywhere this time. Legs, hands, face, everywhere." Joseph commented with a satisfied tone.

I needed to freeze again when the soldier approached the window to scare me with his inhuman hand.

"You're insane." I muttered with all the hate I could, hiding the cutter in my sleeve.

I lost no time as the soldier walked away to keep fighting the boys. I knew that at this point in time, I had to hurry! I ignored Joseph's rambling as I tried to remember all the moves the boys taught me for self-defense while I kept cutting and cutting and cutting… At some places, the plastic was so thick the blade almost twisted and broke!

"In fact," I heard Joseph's fatal words announce, "I'm bored."

Then, everything went as fast as lightning. However, this time, I managed to free myself just in time as he climbed up the stepladder and took out the cap of his bottle. As he had his arms raised, I visualized all his weaker points: face, throat, stomach… I took advantage of the surprise effect and threw a left hook right in his abdomen before I hit his wrist with my left. He easily let go of the bottle, surprised, as I then grabbed it and started spilling its content all over the control table. As the liquid flooded between the buttons, I heard a small buzz, sparkles came out of the giant keyboard and a little black smoke arose in the room. Yet I had barely the time to get rid of all the black goo as I felt myself being violently pushed to the side as I then saw Joseph trying to press buttons: the microphone, the fire alarm, the iron curtain… Nothing. No sound. No power. When he turned at me again, I knew I was finished. He pinned me against the wall and wrested the bottle from my hands.

"So you want that agent so much? You want it? Fine, take it! Take it all!"

As I could already barely breathe from his weight on me, he caught my jaw with his other hand, forcing me to open it and shoved the neck of the bottle between my lips.

"Come on, sweetheart! Let's see what it does on you since you hate test subjects so much!" Joseph screamed between his gritted teeth.

I kept my throat closed as the bitter chemical burned my tongue and the insides of my cheeks, dripping on my chin and on Joseph's hands. However, as he then dropped the bottle, sealed my mouth with his big hand and held my nose with the other, I had no choice but to swallow. Tears ran down as I felt the acid solution make its way down my stomach and shred my entrails. When he heard me take a big gulp, though he kept me paralyzed, Jo calmed down a little and stroked my hair as he then kissed my forehead. However, in a matter of seconds, I suddenly felt a new powerful energy fill me from the inside, like a gladiator ready for combat! I suddenly gripped both of Joseph's hands, then pulled him by the hair towards me and forced his mouth opened as I let the rest of the SB flow down his own throat. Though he tried to struggle, as I was now way stronger than him, I shoved my tongue in his mouth like I never dared to before and pushed the last milliliters of the product into his mouth. Jo choked for a second and, as he tried to fight back and we both needed to gasp for air, I swallowed the last drops along with him.

"Cheers, _sweetheart_." I whispered in a hoarse voice, wiping my mouth.

As soon as he realized what I had just done to him, Joseph lunged at me with crazy eyes, roaring. Thank God the product seemed to spread pretty quickly in my system as I dodged his attack easily. His punch hit the wall and made a hole in the concrete. But he was not done yet. As we both faced each other again, he ragingly tore each monitor of the wall one by one and threw them at me with great speed. I dodged them all again and closed my eyes shut as the monitors all crashed loudly against the window. All this technology, all he had worked for was crumbling before his very eyes. When I opened my eyes again, I felt hands scratch my legs and saw Joseph lying on the floor with black foam on the corners of his mouth, groaning with furious eyes. He looked more like a living dead than a human now. As he kept his head bowed, I was surprised to hear him chuckle as his shoulders suddenly shook with laughter.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

When he raised his head and our eyes met again, he grinned at me.

"Well, the funny thing is, even though you managed to destroy their master, your monsters are still gonna die. You wanna know why?"

He then pointed a finger at his temple with a mischievous expression and I gasped.

"The antidote!" I exclaimed and grabbed him by the collar. "Give me the formula of the antidote! Give it to me!"

However, ignoring my cries, he kept laughing, breathing more and more weakly. I let go off him, trying hard not to panic. On the other side of the window, the combat had stopped a long time ago as I could see the soldier and the boys on each side of the crack caused by our fight. This gave me an idea. I took my chair and launched it as hard as I could on the crack. This time, my arms were strong enough as the window finally shattered in pieces.

"Seungri!" I yelled his name as soon as he was visible again. "Use your power! Now!"

"What?!" Seungri exclaimed, flabbergasted.

Though the soldier tried to attack me and protect his master, the four others boys ran at him and kept him away from the three of us.

"I don't have powers!" Seungri screamed at me. "I thought it was clear enough!"

As the soldier shook of his assaulters, he tried to hit the maknae but Taeyang drifted him away in time.

"Quit fooling around and use it now! It's an order!" I barked at him.

"Look out!"

I turned my head and saw a huge piece of wall flying in my direction. As I shut my eyes tight, I was suddenly relieved to hear deep silence again. I opened my eyes again and saw the concrete piece floating in midair a few feet away from me. This time, to my surprise, no-one was holding me. I heard the maknae swear in Korean and I looked at him.

"God, it's freezing!" he exclaimed from afar, holding his arms, shivering. "It's unbearable!"

Suddenly, I heard parts of screams and noise again, as if someone was plugging and unplugging speakerphones repeatedly and I saw the concrete block heading towards the surveillance room in slow motion.

"Stop it!" I commanded Seungri. "Just hold on!"

"What's going on?" he asked as time stopped completely again and he looked around, amazed.

"No time to explain. Come on!" I said and gestured him to join me.

As soon as he was by my side, I brought my face closer to Joseph: thanks to the SB, though time was frozen again, he was still breathing and moving like the both of us. I took his face in my hands and made him look me in the eyes. Suddenly, I realized I had no idea of how Top's powers worked. Did I even have it at all now?

"Tell me your secrets." I asked softly.

To no surprise, Joseph smirked and tried to spit in my face. However, I tightened my grip on his head and glared at him.

"Do as I say!" I repeated between my gritted teeth.

I didn't blink nor looked away, staring at him as if I could burn holes in him. This time, as his gaze was locked on mine, his lips opened and whispered things, which I recognized as calculations. I bowed and listened attentively, memorizing it all bit by bit. When I thought he was finished, I tried to get up again when I felt him grab my arm and bring me close again. Then, to my surprise, he looked at me with a hurt expression I'd never seen on him before.

"Every time I said "I love you", I meant it." he murmured.

I suddenly felt a violent pain in my ribs and was pulled back. I fell down and saw a plastic stick planted in my chest: his box cutter. Seungri took him by the collar and was about to hit him when he finally gave up the ghost. As I had trouble breathing, I tried to take it out but was too weak. Seungri gulped and pulled it out as I then hurriedly pressed my hands and was relieved to feel the blood run normally through my veins. They were burning me though. I suddenly felt exhausted and feverish, as if a dragon was eating me from the inside. I had less time than I thought. My body was giving up.

I dashed out of the room, followed by Seungri, towards the lab and its stash, pried the doors open and took all the products I could. I took a new bottle and turned on all the machines I could to cook the antidote fast. I interrupted my frenzy for a second to throw up but when I raised my head again, the timers of the machines were stopped. Time was slowly coming back to normal though! The maknae collapsed on his knees. I encouraged him to get up but he frantically shook his head.

"I can't – it's just-" he breathed out so painfully he couldn't keep his eyes open. "It hurts too much!"

I grabbed him by the wrist: it was dead cold. As everything was taking place in slow motion around us, I hugged his icy body and said:

"Let me, then."

His frantic breathing slowed down little by little and I felt the cold invade my own hands and feet, then my legs, my arms and my stomach. I felt more and more like I were buried six feet under Antarctica. When I let go of him, though he was still moving, he looked more peaceful than before. The machines buzzed again and I finally took out the bottle which didn't look different from the normal SB.

"Did it work?"

"There's only one way to know." I said and held Seungri a hand to make him stand up.

Then, like two soldiers on a battlefield, Seung Hyeon and I supported each other, half-walking, half-staggering, towards the lab again.

"You realize that, when it's over, you'll get rid of the power you just found out today?" I asked Seungri.

"Yeah, I know. And I can't wait!" he exclaimed. "Please get me rid of that! All I want is a hot bath right now!"

I smiled, ignoring my increasing nausea.

"Yeah, now I definitely understand why you want to get rid of that SB junk. It tastes like rotten eggs." I replied, which made him chuckle.

Back to the surveillance room, I went to the machine and used all my might to lift the light led, poured it all in, then collapsed from the stepladder. I then told Seung Hyeon to press the alarm button and run. I heard him protest but didn't listen. My vision was getting dark and everything was hurting from my head to my toes. However, as time went back to normal, I heard noise, the concrete block shatter the wall next to me and squash Joseph's corpse along with Seungri screaming in Korean. I smiled when I recognized four other familiar voices respond and the reassuring shriek of the fire alarm. But then, when I managed to open my eyelids one last time, I was horrified to see all five boys by my side again and shook my head as I heard the rain outside.

"Go." I managed to articulate.

However, I then saw Seunghyung wounded face come close to mine and heard his soothing voice:

"We are not going anywhere without you."

I shook my head again as hard as I could as I then felt five pair of hands drag me around.

"No-" I mumbled and coughed.

There was no time. The rain would only last for a few seconds and my body couldn't stand the overdose anymore. This was their only chance! Yet I was too weak to keep struggling and let them do as they wished. Our little group slowly passed the broken window and brought me into the bright light of the arena once again, unless maybe I was already seeing the white light awaiting me. I felt water hit my face, my neck, my chest and then, several silhouettes surrounded mine and we all hugged each other tight as the chemical black rain hit the five of us. As I lost consciousness, I remembered our day at the beach when they lifted me and brought me to the sea. I lulled myself to the sound of imaginary waves.

I can't go on. I just can't. I need to stop for tonight. This is probably the most horrible thing that ever happened to me and I need at least a few good hours of sleep before I go on about this night.

Joan.


	26. Sunday June 21th 2015

Dear journal,

Feeling in good shape now, enough to continue this horrible journey into- Nah just kidding ! Everyone is there safe and sound :D Well, even though I'm joking now, I must admit it really took me a while to realize how lucky we were to still be alive after all that sh*t. Besides, what kind of noona would I be to my dongsaengs if they knew I ended up the retell of that day with a gloomy face and hidden behind a mountain of tissues?

I'm currently back into my favorite hiding place, one of the bedrooms in Seung Hyeon's house, away from our new army of friends. I guess I just can't stand to type alone anymore ;P

So, where was I? Oh yeah, back when I thought white light and black rain were going to be the end of us. Actually, I was surprised to see that I was the first to open my eyes among them. A little further away from us, I saw the soldier resting on his stomach, unconscious as well. His muscle mass had melted like ice under the sun. The blonde military looked as pale and skinny as a plucked canary now. As he was waking up from the fight, he wormed his way on the ground then opened his eyes, looked around him, looked at us, looked at himself, then gasped and looked at us again. He froze in place when the boys woke up as well. As soon as he regained consciousness, Seunghyun clung on to me and I sighed in delight as I felt his soothing warmth overwhelm me. Seung Hyeon yawned, Dae Sung shook his head and brushed the concrete dust of his beautiful hair and Jiyong and Yong Bae noticed the wide-eyed soldier sitting tensely on his butt a few feet away from them. As Young Bae stood up and roared at him, the rookie immediately stood up on his feet and ran away as fast as he could with a shriek, tripping on his own suit in the process as it was now ten sizes too big for him, which made the boys laugh as I giggled with them. He dashed towards the broken window and made his way through the empty surveillance room. I then turned my head at the concrete block under which Joseph's body was lying. Half of his face was still visible though. As I moved my neck to take a better look, I noticed his skin was now covered in shiny black lines like strips drawn with oil all over his body and face. His visible eye was white and his wide open mouth dripping with dark saliva, the empty bottle lying by his side. Everything was dead silent around us now. However, as we tried to stand up, I was surprised to be surrounded by more pairs of arms and stumbled again, laughing even louder than before. We all hugged, crying, laughing, crying, laughing, whooping… We were alive! ALIVE!

We were also wounded and exhausted. When Dae Sung applied his palms on Jiyong's bleeding knee, when he took them off, we were all surprised to see the wound was still open. He tried again but it was useless as he then stared at the blood on his hands in shock then gave Jiyong a sorry look. However, ignoring his stare, his leader's eyes suddenly widened and he muttered:

"It doesn't hurt."

"Yes, it does! It obviously does, Jiyong-ih!" Dae Sung replied in a disappointed tone, pointing at the droplets of blood still pouring from the scratch. "Can't you feel it?"

"No… I mean," Jiyong replied and his smile grew wide as he put his hands on his legs, then his stomach "it doesn't hurt. It doesn't hurt anymore. Nothing hurts!"

"Really? Is that true?" I asked and turned at Seunghyun.

At these words, he looked me straight in the eyes and gave me the most loving stare he ever gave me. His eyes welled up and I watched tears them stream down his face silently.

"It doesn't hurt at all." he said softly, which I could see was his own way of telling me "Thank you."

"What about you, hyung?" Seung Hyeon asked and lightly punched Young Bae on the shoulder. "Does that mean I can fight you now? Come on, big boy! Show me what you-"

He was suddenly cut off by a huge punch in the shoulder by Young Bae who then looked at him, amazed, as he fell down, holding his arm in the dust, whining loudly as usual.

He then stared at his fist, along with the three of us.

"Before that, that would have been enough to break his arms. And his ribs. Now this is the hardest I could punch." he said quietly, amazed. "I guess I _am_ back to normal!"

"Yeah, you can say that again!" Seung Hyeon grumbled, upset, as he sat on his butt, rubbing his arm. "Yah! Is this how you repay me? I saved you! I used my only power to save you all! But of course, you guys weren't even there to see it!"

"I thought you were glad to get rid of it." I commented.

"I do." he replied as he stood up and brushed himself off. "It hurt as hell! But it doesn't matter: everyone knows my real power is my charisma alone."

To his own surprise, as I could tell, instead of being bullied more, his elders all surrounded him and bear hugged, not even trying to mess up his hair this time. I could tell it was disturbing him deeply.

"Wow," he said to nobody in particular. "I guess I _am_ that charismatic. Actually, this is even rather awkward-"

"Would you like to be hit on the head instead?" Jiyong asked.

"No, I-I'm good." his dongsaeng quickly added, trying to sound nonchalant. "Keep hugging, keep hugging..."

As I checked on myself, I saw I still had a scar on my chest from Jo's attack with the cutter. I guess this was the small price to pay for deciding of my fate.

We walked/ crawled/ limped /hopped on one foot towards the surveillance room. Unlike what I expected, I was not that scared of Joseph's dead figure. Some part of me was relieved I wouldn't have to deal with that bastard ever again. Some part of me was also sad. I remembered his last words. I still don't know if he meant them. If I had loved him more, could I have changed him?

We took a peek in the hallways: nobody was there. The whole level was empty. Everyone had run away at the sound of the fight. I took my bag and we went to Joseph's office. There I downloaded every single file of every child he hurt on my USB key. I knew if I published everyone's dossier and the camp's secret activities, the Pentagon would deny it all and it would create tensions, maybe even conflicts between Korea and the US. I would have to testify. The Korean government would denounce the USA's abuse of power. The population would question its government's negligence. Politicians would reply by questioning their own responsibility in the matter. As to inflame the debate, the press would try to know more about the living victims and ask more and more questions, take more and more pictures, follow them everywhere… The boys would lose all anonymity. They would never live normal lives. No matter what the situation or whom they would talk to, they would always be "the five monsters from Pyeongtaek".

Thus I decided to send it all along with my journal to local and international authorities and newspapers anonymously and changed the boys' names. At last, I looked at their files on the screen. When I asked them if they were ready, they all nodded and I felt a hand rest on my shoulder protectively as I moved the cursor to select all five of them and moved it all on to the little recycling bin logo. Then, in a sole click on the same logo on "Empty", it was all gone. Too bad I didn't keep the paper files. I guess burning them would have been ten times more dramatic :P

"Now this is official. Welcome to your new lives, guys!" I said and turned at them with a smile.

To my surprise, they all kept their heads down, hiding their eyes behind their bangs. When they raised their faces at me, they had fake, sympathetic smiles plastered on their faces.

"You know what this means, right?" Jiyong declared in a sad low voice. "You just erased our only connection to you. Now there's no trace of it left."

"Is that why you guys pull a face?" I said and grinned, but none of their faces lit up. "Come on! Since when do we need a written trace of our link?"

"Yeah, but what will remain of it?" Youngbae replied gloomily. "We'll be far away from each other. We have new lives, we met new people. We have new responsibilities too. We'll definitely think less often of you and each other in the future."

"Even with you and Seunghyun." Seung Hyeon said. "After all, aside from the lab, you share nothing in common. And you made him independent from you. So that means, when you're away, even if you taught him to control his temper, maybe that won't be enough. Maybe he'll get tired of waiting for you to come back. Maybe he will try to forget about you with a Korean girl, someone with whom he will have more in common and will be there for him."

I felt shivers down my spine. Why was he saying that? What was wrong with them all? I turned at Seunghyun who remained silent and was avoiding my gaze.

"You wouldn't do that, would you?" I asked in a very weak voice.

My heart sunk when he raised his head and slowly shrugged without a word. I then looked at the four of them, took a deep breath and I tried my best to keep my composure.

"Let's get out of here." I muttered under my breath as I turned my back at them, hurriedly turned off the computer and withdrew the USB key. "I don't care what you guys do with your lives. Of course you will forget about me! I'm okay with that!" I lied. "The most important is that you guys are happy. It's all that matters."

However, as I took my purse and was about to get out of the room, I suddenly felt a light tap on my shoulder and stopped. What? I thought. Did they want to put more salt in the wound? If they did, I thought I would not hesitate to slap the one I had in front of me. But when I turned around, I was surprised to see Dae Sung smile at me with squinted eyes. None of us said a word as he just stood there with his shiny, innocent, happy face on. I stared at him, speechless. I was so taken aback and I missed this smile so much I instantly wept and grinned through my tears. Suddenly, I heard applause and Dae Sung chuckled. I looked at the other boys who all looked at me, grinning as well.

"What the hell is going on?" I exclaimed, confused.

"Actually," Jiyong explained, "Dae Sung had doubts all his gifts disappeared. We told him he didn't lose them all but he wouldn't believe us. So I worked out a plan to prove him wrong and we all bet he could still make you smile when you felt down!"

"We're sorry we said all these mean things! We didn't mean any of that. We swear!" Taeyang said with a guilty face as he carefully held me in his arms, even though he didn't need to hold back his strength anymore. "Of course we could not forget about our noona! And we'll keep contact! We wanted to scare you, that's all!"

"Actually," Seung Hyeon added sheepishly, "I'm the one who bet we could make you cry and smile at the same time. I just wanted to bring things to the next level!" he said with a wink.

As I wiped my tears, more puzzled than ever, trying to wrap my head around how stupid they were, I turned at Seunghyun who, as soon as our eyes met, uncrossed his arms and raised them, as if to show me he was unarmed.

"Don't look at me!" he said. "I told them I wouldn't _say_ a single lie to you!"

"Yeah, but you still played along, hyung!"

"Not helping, maknae!" he barked, staring at me in fear.

But of course, none of them escaped their little session of flickering across their foreheads (and this time, Dae Sung could not escape :) ) since a single glare from me was enough to make Seunghyun obey me and catch them all as he kept them in place while repeating out loud "I'm sorry! Mianhe! I'm sorry! Mianhe! I'm sorry!…"

When I was finally satisfied, they all obediently followed me towards the exit. However, I understand now this was their special way to release the pressure. Now it was time to show them how I coped with it: since they were all in rags again, I brought them all to a little shopping session, just like any normal day :D . Needless to say, they were then all overhyped as hell, starting with Jiyong! We then all decided to head home to the boys' new HQ, Seung Hyeon's house. This time, he is the one who organized the party and invited everyone's new entourage. I feel like the house is full of half the globe right now O_O And what a crowd! I've seen Miss Sung screaming at Seung Hyeon after he hit his head with a bottle (you go girl :3), Seunghyun's big brother getting hit on by one of Taeyang's childhood female friends, which made him blush a little (seriously, are all Korean men shy?), as well as Daesung's friends and Jiyong's mentor Mr. Yang having a nice (drunken) philosophical debate about God knows what.

The boys are all having fun too, enjoying themselves like anyone their age. I can't believe that about a month ago, they could barely say three words and get out without breaking stuff.

YEAH? A MONTH AGO, YOU THOUGHT "NOONA" WAS A FIRST NAME AND YOU WERE AFRAID OF KOREANS.

I'm currently sitting between Seunghyun's legs. Although this is the most comfortable place in the world right now, I don't think I should stay and let him steal the keyboard from me!

O_O ^^ :D :P ;) X) :3 :3 :3 :3 :3 :3 YOU'VE BEEN YAWNING TWICE, 자기야, I THINK YOU SHOULD GET SOME REST. TODAY WAS EXHAUSTING FOR ALL OF US.

I guess I will. Just a few minutes and then I'll go join the rest of the crowd! I still haven't had a single sip of soju yet T_T I guess I've grown addicted to that stuff. Anyway, see you in 20 minutes guys! You too Seunghyun, I won't be long 3 If I am, don't hesitate to conclude for me. I forgot to talk about you guys' wish for the future ;)

I WILL, DON'T WORRY. SLEEP WELL, BABY. THE FIVE OF US ARE REALLY DIFFERENT. TO NO SURPRISE, SO ARE OUR PATHS. I KNOW SEUNG HYON DOESN'T MIND WORKING A LOT IN THE FUTURE AS LONG AS HE GETS TO PARTY AS MUCH. THANK GOD MISS SUNG WILL BE THERE TO PREVENT HIM FROM HAVING TOO MUCH FUN.

SAME FOR DAE SUNG. I KNOW THAT KID'S ONLY FEAR IN LIFE IS TO BE ALONE FOR TOO LONG. HE SHOULD KNOW BY NOW THAT HE NEVER WILL.

I HEARD YOUNG BAE CONFESS TO JIYONG THAT HE WANTS TO FIND THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE NOW. I GUESS THAT GROUP OF GIRLS HE USED TO HANG OUT WITH OPENED UP SOME DOORS IN HIS MIND, WHICH IS SURELY A GOOD THING. JIYONG TOLD ME HE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HE WANTED TO DO YET. BUT WHATEVER IT WAS, HE SAID, IT WOULD BE AT THE SAME LEVEL OF A SUPER-HERO. IT WOULD BE SOMETHING BIG. SOMETHING PEOPLE WOULD REMEMBER AND LOVE FOREVER. GOOD LUCK, BUDDY, WE'RE ALL WAITING NOW. MAKE SURE TO COUNT US ALL IN! ESPECIALLY ME!

AS FOR ME, I WANT TO FIND OUT MORE ABOUT THIS WORLD. AND I WANT TO DO IT WITH YOU, JOAN. I KNOW THAT, WHATEVER WE DO, WE WILL ALWAYS HAVE A HOME WAITING FOR US, HERE IN KOREA. THANK YOU FOR DECIDING TO STAY. YOU LOOK SO CUTE WHEN YOU'RE ASLEEP AND YOU LET ME WATCH YOU. IT'S AN HONOR TO ME THAT YOU LET ME SEE YOU SO VULNERABLE EVERY NIGHT. IT MAKES ME WANT TO PROTECT YOU MORE, KEEP YOU BY MY SIDE AND MAKE STUPID FACES MORE OFTEN SO I CAN HEAR YOUR INCREDIBLE LAUGH AGAIN AND AGAIN.

I WANT US TO KEEP GUIDING EACH OTHER WHILE WE DISCOVER THIS WORLD TOGETHER. YOU TOLD ME SO MANY BEAUTIFUL THINGS ABOUT YOUR COUNTRY. I CAN'T WAIT TO VISIT IT SOMEDAY AND KNOW MORE ABOUT YOU.

I JUST REALIZED I'M BAD AT CONCLUDING. I GUESS I'LL JUST FINISH WITH WHAT YOU SAID TO ME ONE NIGHT, WHICH I DEFINITELY AGREED WITH: IT'S A GOOD THING WE ARE THAT SMALL ON EARTH BECAUSE THEN, IT ONLY MAKES THE WORD EVEN BIGGER TO EXPLORE.

E E조안-누나 AND 최승현 3 3

THE END :3


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